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No heartbeat, waiting to miscarry

(52 Posts)
Serenity05 Mon 21-Jan-19 18:06:33

I found out a couple of weeks before Christmas that I was pregnant with my second child. DH and I had been trying for a few months and I had a chemical pregnancy back in September, so we were elated to get that positive test. But I started having a bit of spotting at 6 weeks - very light and mostly brown so I tried not to panic. We went for a private scan at 7 weeks which showed a heartbeat but the baby was only measuring 6+1 when I should have been 7+2. The sonographer said not to worry - it was hard to get an accurate measurement at this size, seeing a heartbeat was really positive, and to come back in two weeks if I wanted reassurance, but I still had a feeling something wasn't right. The spotting continued but it stayed very light and brown. In the meantime though, my symptoms kept getting stronger and I was being sick multiple times a day.

I had my first midwife appointment on Thursday, at 8+6, and I told her everything that had been happening and she said it was worth going to the EPU for another scan, to be on the safe side. So I went to the EPU on Friday and that scan showed the baby is only measuring five weeks now and doesn't have a heartbeat. I think part of me knew so it wasn't a huge shock but DH and I are devastated.

I need to go for another scan this Friday to confirm and possibly discuss medical management if I don't start miscarrying naturally. Right now my body still thinks I'm pregnant and I'm still being sick and feeling exhausted. It's horrible. I feel like my body is betraying me. Pregnancy sickness is bad enough but knowing that my baby is dead and it's all for nothing is unbearable.

Luckily work have been brilliant and they've told me to take as much time off as I need. But I feel like I'm in limbo right now. I don't want to go too far away from home in case I start bleeding suddenly. I don't feel like I can properly grieve the loss of this pregnancy yet because it's not over and actually the worst could be yet to come. I'm scared about the process of miscarrying and how much it will hurt. I'm trying to stay strong for my 3 year old DS but I'm lacking the physical and emotional energy to give him everything he needs. I never thought I would be here and I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

Iwannabeadog Mon 21-Jan-19 18:12:16

I’m so sorry, what horrible few weeks you’ve had. Have you got any family/family nearby you could get to be on stand by if you need them.
I had a miscarriage at about 6/7 weeks and it was like a very bad (heavy) period. Having said that, I was only on my mid 20’s and wasn’t running around after a toddler. Also I realise everyone is different.
Take care, make sure you rest and eat well.

fortifiedwithtea Mon 21-Jan-19 18:26:24

Could you go down the surgical route? I had a mmc 24th December 1996. You can imagine how I enjoyed Christmas that year. After the procedure I went home to bed , felt miserable as sin but physically it was ok just a heavy period.

TheGirlWithGlassFeet Mon 21-Jan-19 18:34:56

I'm really sorry. I had a mmc at 13 weeks and it was devastating. Take the time you need to grieve.

welshsoph Mon 21-Jan-19 18:43:24

I’m so sorry OP. I also suffered a miscarriage in similar circumstances to you last year. Personally I wanted to get the medical management over with as soon as I knew and the pain wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be. It wasn’t much worse than a heavy period and I only needed a couple of ibuprofen.

I’m glad work is being good to you and you don’t have the added stress of worrying about that to go through.

Of course you will feel devastated for a while but I promise it will get better as long as you give yourself as much time as you need to grieve flowers

ChikiTIKI Mon 21-Jan-19 18:49:41

A very simile thing happened to me in December. The limbo part was the worst. I was going to have surgical management to avoid any trauma etc but then changed my mind to have medical management as long as I could have the pain relief I wanted. Luckily I started bleeding before the medical management date and so I decided not to go ahead with it as by that point it was just a thick uterine lining left.

It actually wasn't painful. The first period after that actually had more blood and lots of cramps. I got some incontinence underwear for the miscarriage expecting it to be really bad but only used two of those for the heavy bit which lasted about 3 hours.

Be kind to yourself. It's awful being in this limbo and when I got past that bit I felt sad for what might have been.... My husband bought me a nice candle to light when I am thinking about the baby. It's very sad but I am feeling much better now.

Hope it goes as well as it could do for you. You have my sympathies. I'm so sorry for your loss xxxx

Serenity05 Thu 24-Jan-19 10:36:32

Thanks everyone. It's good to hear that it might not be as painful as I'm imagining. I'd like to avoid having surgery because I hate general anaesthetics - they always make me incredibly sick - and I really don't like the idea of having it done under a local.

The second scan is tomorrow and even though it's really just a formality to confirm what we already know, I'm feeling very tearful this morning.

LillyLeaf Thu 24-Jan-19 11:17:17

I'm going through a very similar thing. I found out yesterday at 8+6 that it had stopped at 7+3, we saw a heartbeat at 7wks. Just waiting to bleed now naturally. It was after IVF so I'm so gutted. I had no spotting but no real symptoms so I was expecting the worse but it still hurts. I'm really hoping this doesn't drag on too long. Sorry for your loss, it's totally crap but we're not alone.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Thu 24-Jan-19 11:21:14

Similar op a, days before my birthday too. Not sure if it was because I already had dc but I had actual contractions, the urge to push and a completely intact foetus +sac etc came out. Into my hand!! Bleeding and pains stopped almost straight away. If you feel out of your depth dealing with it alone ring mw /ambulance.. Sorry for your loss.

Amy326 Thu 24-Jan-19 11:28:23

I’ve had 2 miscarriages at around 7 weeks, one happened on its own and one was medical management. They were both similar in terms of pain and bleeding. For me it was a bit worse than period pain but that level only lasted for a day and it was manageable with painkillers, a hot water bottle and a couple of hours in bed. It’s not a pleasant experience but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be and I’ve been ok emotionally after (sadness but coping) but obviously that is different for everyone. I hope you’re ok whichever route you take, look after yourself x

Twitwooo Thu 24-Jan-19 12:17:55

In a similar situation here op, started bleeding last Wednesday and got heavy on Saturday. Had a scan at epu on Sunday. Should have been 8+3 but baby measured about 6 with a weak heartbeat. I am due a re scan this Sunday where the nurse expects to see no heartbeat so we can talk options - she said even though it was clear to her this isn't going to end well as long as there's a heart beat she has to treat the pregnancy as viable. I was (still am) hoping that by my next scan there won't be a baby to see, but I have bleeding quite heavily for a while now and it doesn't seem to be slowing down. The pain is not unbearable so far, but, like you, I am too scared to even go for a walk outside with my 2 year old unless it happens then. I wish she would have at least explained a little bit what I could expect etc but I didn't think to ask on the day!

I hope your scan and appointment gives you some more information and peace tomorrow. Hugs

cheeseislife8 Thu 24-Jan-19 18:07:43

I had a MMC in July and I agree, the waiting is the worst. I too felt pregnant right until the end, being sick etc. Thinking of you for tomorrow

moomin11 Thu 24-Jan-19 20:14:29

So sorry you are going through this. I had a MMC too over Christmas, I was booked in for surgical management but it passed on its own the day before. There is a thread about what to expect when miscarrying on here but people's experiences vary. I was 9/10 weeks but everything had stopped at around 5 weeks. I staggered paracetamol with ibuprofen and took codeine when it was a bit more painful, a hot water bottle also really helped. It's a horrible thing to go through, I hope you're as ok as you can be tomorrow.

Serenity05 Fri 25-Jan-19 16:34:51

So sorry LillyLeaf and Twitwooo, and everyone else who has been through this. It really is shit.

The scan this morning confirmed what we already knew. I opted for medical management and had the tablets inserted into my vagina a little under three hours ago. I'm just waiting for it to... happen now. I've got a little bit of cramping so I'm lying in bed with a hot water bottle, but no bleeding yet.

LillyLeaf Fri 25-Jan-19 16:43:29

The waiting is killing me. If nothing happens by Wednesday I have an appointment to also have the medical management. I just want it to be over with and I really hope I won't need surgery, I don't want to risk the damage. Hope it goes ok for you and is quick and with minimum pain. Let us know how to get on. I'm going for a run tonight to see if that helps move it along.

ChikiTIKI Fri 25-Jan-19 17:00:21

Oh I'm sorry @Serenity05

I hope for your sake it's over soon and not too painful.

Thinking of you xxxx

Twitwooo Fri 25-Jan-19 17:02:35

Well last night my bleeding ramped up to levels I have never experienced before and have passed many big clots. I assumed one of those contained the sac in them but I didn't see anything. Had another scan today (put forward from Sunday) to confirm that I have passed the pregnancy and I have, so at least I am past the worst bit. I was told to expect some more big clots and then it'll calm down - back in two weeks to see it has all been expelled

I don't know how comparable all this is to medical management, I assume it might all happen more quickly under that scenario but I can say I rang the ward when I was a little concerned about the bleeding as I didn't quite know what to expect and they were very helpful and reassuring so definitely do that if you're ever unsure about what's happening. Hope it's over quick and you'll be on the other end of it soon

ChikiTIKI Fri 25-Jan-19 21:22:07

@Twitwooo the same happened to me with my MC, it happened before the medical management was booked. When they told me the pregnancy was gone I nearly cried with relief as I was so worried about medical management. I actually passed the placenta the day after that scan where they told me everything was gone apart from the thick lining but they didn't seem to think that was a big deal. They asked me if I wanted to wait one or two weeks for the follow up scan and I chose one. It was totally finished by then.

Hope you're coping ok and wishing you the best for your recovery xxx

Serenity05 Sat 26-Jan-19 14:17:17

Well it's been a little over 24 hours since the tablets were inserted and it's honestly not been as bad as I thought it would be.

The cramping started around 5pm yesterday and got continuously worse over the next few hours. I was also freezing and shivering at this point. I'm allergic to codeine so I just had paracetamol and a hot water bottle - something stronger would have been good but it was bearable. I started bleeding at around 8pm and the cramping started easing off. I was passing big clots from the beginning - a lot more than I thought there would be - and overnight I was soaking through a pad every hour-and-a-half or so, so I've not had a lot of sleep (and had to do some middle of the night laundry when I did fall asleep for a few hours...).

The bleeding has eased off now to the level of a heavy period and it's been a few hours since I passed any clots, so I think I'm through the worst of it. I'm glad I got it over with because this past week of waiting for the inevitable has been utter hell.

ChikiTIKI Sat 26-Jan-19 19:38:12

@Serenity05 I'm sorry for what you're going through. Hoping that it's pretty much over. Sounds like it is. Hope you are able to get some good rest tonight and begin recovery xxxx

Twitwooo Sun 27-Jan-19 10:30:51

@ChikiTIKI it's strange isn't it. I was practically smiling on the way to hospital just thinking that it finally happened and it will only improve from here onwards and managed to avoid surgery. Think my dh thought I lost the plot a bit in the car...

@Serenity05 your experience makes me wonder if I should have gone for medical management even though I was already done with the hard part myself - 3 days after passing the pregnancy and my bleeding is still at a level much higher than my normal period!! Want my life back. It sounds like it made the whole thing a lot shorter for you. Glad you can also begin to move past this now. Hope the rest of 2019 will be better for all of us thanks

ChikiTIKI Sun 27-Jan-19 19:35:03

@Twitwooo yes it's very odd. When the main part of my miscarriage happened all the adrenaline made me seem... There is no better word, but excited? Obviously I wasn't excited at all... But it made me somehow motivated and all weird and high energy and glad it was finally happening. It's all very odd.

I wondered the same once I just had the thick lining left, because I wanted it all to be over ASAP but I'm glad I didn't have the medical management. Your body should do the rest now. There's no need to go through the extra pain and stress of medical management. Obviously just see how it goes but I think as you start to recover over the next few days you will feel better and it should end very soon now.

Beware your next period might be very heavy. For me it was probably more blood than the lead up to and bit after the main part of the miscarriage. I normally have light periods but was going through 4 tampons before lunch. Was a bit of a shock for me.

Twitwooo Sun 27-Jan-19 19:57:03

@ChikiTIKI I am currently sat shaking after the bleeding calmed down slightly I went toilet and dropped a massive , heavy 3 inch long bit. It must be the placenta? Freaked the hell out of me. For some reason I assumed when nurse said I have 'passed the pregnancy' it means there won't be anything bigger coming out!!!!!! Bah. Please tell me it will actually just get better from this point onwards

ChikiTIKI Sun 27-Jan-19 20:46:00

@Twitwooo sorry it's distressed you. When this happened to me, they had told me the pregnancy was passed too. Then the placenta came out and was about 8cm long and looked like a kidney or something... Had a cord on it too... After that the bleeding stopped pretty quickly... Couple of days or so and it had totally finished.

I kept thinking about it for ages. Remembering what it looked like etc. It was quite traumatic. My husband saw it too. He was nearly sick, he drank some tequila to take the edge off ( it's all we had in).

I wonder if it's quite easy to miss if you still have a very thick lining. And you will have follow up scans til the lining is all gone. I had my follow up scan a week later and my lining had gone from 25mm to about 3mm. So there was no question then that everything had passed.

Hope you feel better soon. The end is in sight xxxx

AB321 Sun 03-Feb-19 12:03:56

Hi ladies, I just saw this thread and wanted to join, I went for an early private scan this morning, by my calculations I'm 9+3, sadly there was no heart beat and the baby only measured 5+6 sad they tried to call my hospital but no one there today so advised I speak to EPU tomorrow. I'm devastated, I'm 40 and this is my first pregnancy and wanted it so badly. Not sure what to expect next and don't know why after 4 weeks it's not passed naturally. Thanks for listening I just had to share with others who know how it feels xx

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