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Miscarriage at 17 weeks December 2018

(8 Posts)
Motherhood123 Sat 22-Dec-18 02:48:39

Without any warning signs my beautifull baby Adam was born sleeping at 2pm on 19th December 2018. 3 days before our wedding anniversary, suprise gender scan and suprise gender reveal party.

Bit of background
We were trying for 2 years, went on clomid and metformin to help ovulate and finally in september i got my BFP. My pregnancy symptoms started pretty much straight away - vomiting, nausea, headaches, sore boobs, breathlessness. But i didnt care and enjoyed pregnancy.

Days leading upto miscarriage - i keep thinking about the week the miscarriage happened to see where i may have gone wrong. Midwives keep telling me to not blame myself but how is that possible when my body was responsible for growing my baby.
-That week- we had quick sex before going out for dinner - wasnt even deep penetration for the most part and sperm didnt go in my vagina. - could this have started the infection??
- I cleaned up and then we then went for dinner i had a well done buffalo steak - maybe i got some sort of infection from this? But i felt Adam moving around the most in my belly at the restraunt so dont feel like i can ever go back there again.
-I masturbated - could have been this??
-I scrubbed the bath the day before miscarriage - maybe i bent over for too long
-Vomitted few times that week - realised i lost 3kg in weight, had headache, my wee was dark yellow but tried to drink water as much as i could.

The day it happened -
Woke up, masturbated, felt some cramps but nothing unusual, had breakfast, went grocery shopping lifted a few bags not too heavey and i got help with it. But maybe it was too heavey and it caused my cervix to open.
Throughout the day i felt what i thought was stretching pains around 3 times and noticed some green discharge. I had green discharge checked earlier in pregnancy and results came back clear. Drs said its normal so assumed that the new green discharge was normal too.
Went to toilet just before going bed like i normally do, and as i was about to finish i felt a pressure in my vagina like something was falling out without me even trying to push. I put my hand next to my vagina and felt a warm damp bubble and screamed for my husband. Luckily my mum was just next door and she came too. Ambulance was called and they got to the house 20 mins later i was lying in bed still holding the sack hoping the somehow the paramedics will be able to just push it back in. He had a quick look and said i need to go hospital ASAP. When i got to the hospital nurses said the sack has come out and baby could possibly be in there too. When the sack burst on its own, they didnt see baby so assumed that the baby was still inside me so they said i need to go for scan. In the scan the sonographer could see Adam with heartbeat but no fluid. Straight after they did a cervical swab and they said i have an infection which could have possibly caused the membranes of the amniotic sack to rupture. Drs advised that i should deliver baby, as the infection was getting worse and baby was getting squashed and finding it difficult to breathe and move. I spent 3 days in hospital to make the decision to start the delivery process as my infection was getting worse and the amniotic fluid didnt refill as it does very rarely in some women.

The decision to start delivery was made harder as Adam still had a heartbeat even after 3 days of waters breaking but infection was getting worse. Drs were also scarring me by saying if the infection gets worse i could go into sepsis and ruin my chances of getting pregnant again. They may have been right as it happened to my aunt.

Its been 2 days since miscarriage and not bleeding as much as i was on the day of delivery. We are looking to try again as soon as my next cycle starts but worried that because i have pcos, i maybe able to have a period but ovulation will be difficult which means i will have to have metformin and clomid again.

So questions i have is that:

does anyone think the things that happened in that week were the cause of the miscarriage?

Could it have been prevented?
should i have waited longer for delivery to see if fluid came back after couple of weeks even though drs were worried about infection.

Couldnt they have controlled my infection with antibiotics? And waited couple weeks to see if fluid comes back?

If i do get pregnant again, should i ask for stitch or antibiotics beforehand?

Can getting a stitch cause miscarriage too?

Did i make the right decision?

OP’s posts: |
Motherhood123 Sat 22-Dec-18 02:56:50

Just to add - im from the UK

OP’s posts: |
Squ1ggle Sat 22-Dec-18 07:49:01

I'm so so sorry op, I can't answer your questions but please believe the midwives and doctors when they say it wasn't your fault. flowersflowersflowers

ScarletGlow Sat 22-Dec-18 11:35:32

So sorry for your loss. None of the activities you described should cause a miscarriage.

Celebelly Sat 22-Dec-18 11:45:09

So sorry sad I can't answer your medical questions but nothing you did caused this. Those are all perfectly normal activities. Sometimes life is so very cruel and there's no reason for it sad

I'd recommend having a sit down with a healthcare professional and finding answers to your questions. They should offer you a debrief and chance to go through the notes and discuss what happened and why they took each course of action. You can also ask about future pregnancies. thanks

K0013 Sat 22-Dec-18 11:56:22

I am so so sorry for your loss. Please don’t be so hard on yourself, it wasn’t anything you did. Please take care of yourself. Sending you massive hugs xxx

losingfaith Sat 22-Dec-18 18:52:25

Oh op, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter at 20 weeks last year (also conceived via clomid). I wracked my brain for missed signed I should have picked up on and things I could have done.

It doesn't make it any easier, but it isn't anything you did or didn't do. My problem was an infection of the placenta, apparently (I've been told by multiple drs) even if I'd had antibiotics in time it probably wouldn't have changed the outcome.

It is such a cliche but time will help. You definitely will not think that now, but slowly the pain becomes less acute / frequent, but is still there.

Are you having a post mortem done? It was a painful 12 week wait but in hindsight I'm glad we did it as it pinpointed the cause in my case.

We also went back to the hospital that helped in the first place who were really helpful and did lots of tests, both physical to check me out and whether everything was removed, but also bloods to check for other issues (Hughes Syndrome/ sticky blood, genetic tests etc) before deciding where to go from there.

Sorry for the ramble, but be kind to yourself. It is soul destroying. Perhaps also look at the Miscarriage Association and / or Sands.

losingfaith Sat 22-Dec-18 18:55:20

Meant to say, when you get pregnant again ask for regular scans. At my hospital (central London) they have a clinic for people prone to miscarriages and scan every other week from 12 weeks to check the cervix so they can monitor whether a stitch would be appropriate.

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