How do I forget?

[WeezyF]

Right so I’m new here.. been thinking for awhile about coming on here and well here I am at 1:30am🙈... I don’t even know where to start or if this is even relevant to this site.. so I have a LB with my OH he’s almost 4, for the last 3 years we have been trying for another child, we’ve had 3 early miscarriages and 1 chemical during this time. None the less I’m broken, it broke us, we separated for a little while last year but it was only a few months, since being back together we tried again and we just can’t conceive, it hurts so much and I fell so alone as my OH doesn’t seem bothered by what’s happened he just says “it will happen when it happens blah blah blah” everyone around me doesn’t seem to care either, I think because it’s happened over and over every one thinks I’m fine and I’m use to it the way they are! But I’m not I’m still crushed! I can remember every date of every F’ing one! Babies hurt me, Prams, cries, labour anything that resembles a baby or pregnancy crushes me inside but I don’t show it not anymore anyway, I’ve had the obvious tests etc and everything is normal apparently!.. anyway I’m now at a point where I just don’t care anymore I don’t care if I don’t get pregnant I know it sounds stupid but i just don’t care! But everything still hurts a lot! The slightest memory and I’m in tears! I just want to forget! I want to forget about wanting a baby but I don’t know how, I’m so sorry to anyone that’s read this and thinks they’ve wasted their time but it’s weighing on me so heavy recently, if anyone has been in my situation please do you know how to stop it? Stop the constant wanting for a baby? I don’t care about having one I just want to stop hurting and thinking about it, please :/ I’m so sorry for the long post x

[MulledwineMayhem]

It’s a horrible strange feeling isn’t it, the limbo between being numb and everything still hurting so horribly.

People said to me be kind to yourself which was so so hard to do, and focus on other things which I just thought was a ridiculous suggestion. Book things, plan things etc...but it did actually work and although you never forget things change and your feelings change. Start very very small, talk lots or not at all spending on how you feel.

Take some time for yourself and just feel how you want to feel, don’t worry about what people think! Certainly don’t apologise for talking about anything! You need to express however you feel and that will change all the time. You sound like a genuine, caring and good person.

I’m sorry I don’t have better advice but all I can say is just talk, plan lots, do things you want to do, anything that might make you feel better.

[MulledwineMayhem]

Sorry that was a tired rambly repetitive post!

[MulledwineMayhem]

It is also very upsetting that people think because a certain amount of time has passed, or because you already have DC you should be “ok”

That’s just not how it works x

[WeezyF]

Hi thank you so much for replying...
Yes it is, I really hate where I am right now, everyone said it will get better with time but in all honesty for me, it feels like it gets worse.
Trying to plan/book things with my OH is impossible, he never wants to plan he always wants to wait until the day and "see how he feels".. my LB keeps me breathing, I think if I didn't have him I'd be a crumbled mess but everyday I feel so privileged to be his mum even more so with what has happened..
thank you so much for your advice, I think I do need some time to myself, your right, I need time to let myself go and get out these emotions, I don't like to be upset in front of my LB or OH so I pretty much have to mask myself every minute of the day and it's absolutely draining, I don't have many friends or family so I don't have anybody to turn to when I feel at my lowest..
just letting this it of steam out here has made me feel that little bit better..
Thank you for replying I really didn't expect any at all x

[WeezyF]

And yes I totally agree! People have made me fee ungrateful for my LB but it's not like that at all, I adore and worship the ground my boy walks on but it doesn't take away the pain of wanting another x

[Nanalisa60]

You are obviously in a lot of pain!! Have you talk to your doctor or health visitor about how sad and miserable you are feeling? I think that you need to go to grief counselling . I know how much in hurts I had two miscarriages both at four months after I had had two heathly boys my doctor thought that I might not be able to carry girls both times it was just devastating after the second time I decided that I just could not go through the hurt again and that I was lucky to have had a healthy boys as some poor women don’t even get to have a child at all. I would have loved to have had another child it just was not meant to be. As for your dh I’m sure he is also very hurt about your miscarriages but men just don’t show there emotions like woman and he is probably just trying to be brave and strong.

[Nanalisa60]

You don’t forget!! It just gets less painful as the years go by!! Time is a great healer!!

[MulledwineMayhem]

Can you do something just you and your LB? could you just say to your OH in a very lighthearted way, we are doing X on Saturday I understand you might not feel up to it but it’s something we are looking forward to so we’ll go if you don’t feel like it on the day?

Absolutely give yourself some time to let it out, it is completely draining to have to compress feelings. You may start to feel a little better after you allow yourself to be upset/angry/however you want to be. But also know, It’s ok to enjoy yourself too. It and when you can. I stared having pangs of guilt when I began enjoying things again- try not to let this happen!!!!

It’s sooo unfair to be made to feel ungrateful for your LB it’s just not at all the case and a totally separate feeling.