Is there a bus for me?

[jacquejacque]

I'be just been for a scan at 11+6 to be told there's no heartbeat. Had two very early losses immediately before this and just need a hand hold from somebody who knows how it feels. Is there a thread or bus that I can join?

[Hopefulirishmammy]

Hi Jacquejacque,
I’m so sorry. There aren’t words. Sending hugs and tissues

Unfortunately I’m in the same boat (was on the June 2019 bus). Scan of questionable viability 2.5 weeks ago (dates behind, no heartbeat but hope as pcos meant dates could be out). Then symptoms dropped over the weekend, scan on Monday (the first I could get post red bleed on Sunday) confirmed loss. I’m ten+ weeks. It fucking sucks and I’m gutted and heartbroken.

I was lucky in that I began to miss naturally and they let me home, and I’ve spent the last two days in bed or on the sofa with a duvet, hot chocolate; nurofen and watching silly movies. Physically I think I’m coming to the end of it now (4 days) in that bleeding has lessened and is now brown, though the cramps are strangely worse than before. I’ve been signed off for two weeks from work - which I think I’ll use as I work in a health care field and am not much use to people if I keep crying randomly (everything sets me off at the moment).

I’m sorry. I know this probably doesn’t help. Despite me knowing so many have gone through this, and it not being my first miss, we’d tried so hard to get pregnant I hadn’t really thought about pregnancy being so difficult or loss. I feel so naieve but I’d so hoped for this little one that I had dreams in my head. And right now, my gut response is just “this is all so unfair”. I’m sad and angry. And in some very guilt ridden way, relieved, as I was so so scared and worried over the weekend but no-one would listen (pink spotting) that at least now we know...But this feeling is new and I’m guessing is probably a coping strategy :(

It’s so hard to have a loss at any stage, but with Christmas (and the heralded 12 weeks so close), it really sucks.

Anyway, I in no way meant to make this post about me. Just wanted to share that I’m here too. I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy and I’m so so sorry that you have to go through it. I’m here if you want to talk xxx

[alisha1234]

Sorry for your losses
I had a mmc on the 9th of October and I felt and still feel the same as you. I am 18 next month and don't know how to cope with everything. I was told at my 12 week scan that my baby (which we named Riley as it's a unisex name) has stopped growing at 9 weeks with no heartbeat, I chose to let it happen naturally, im so glad I did because we buried Riley in a plant pot with a baby rose bush which has helped so much. I am on this app everyday and am always here if you are struggling and just need a chat. None of my family or friends understand how I feel so it's really hard but I know they are always there if I need to talk but I like to talk to people on here who know what I'm going through and I know I'm not alone and I hope you know that you aren't alone too. Hope you are okay, sending you lots of love and hope for the future xx

[wanderlustgirl]

Hi @jacquejacque

We briefly spoke on the June 2019 thread when I had lost my symptoms. I have also had bad news today. Worst feeling in the world and I can see you are in the same boat. Virtual hugs and I hope it gets easier for us both xxx

[jacquejacque]

@Hopefulirishmammy sorry I didn't reply, it's been a fairly traumatic few days.
I absolutely do remember you, I was so sad for you when you left us. How are you doing now?

@alisha1234 you poor love. I'm so sorry. Do you have support at home? Xx

[jacquejacque]

@wanderlustgirl oh no. Oh I'm so sorry darling, I didn't know it'd happened to you too. Please do keep talking to me as and when you need to, it's absolutely heartbreaking isn't it? X

[wanderlustgirl]

Its so heartbreaking. I've not stopped crying since i was told and just seem to want to shut everyone out.

My midwife rang this morning and they will get me in for a scan tomorrow so they can see what is going on for themselves. The baby defo measured 9 weeks though and there was no heartbeat so I don't think there is a mistake 😭

[jacquejacque]

@wanderlustgirl you poor thing, I'm up and down - trying to be practical to get me through it but I feel completely changed as a person now.

Horrible that you need another scan - seems so unnecessary! Was your last one private?

[alisha1234]

@jacquejacque I know that I have support at home if I need it but I don't like talking about it to people because when I start crying there is no stopping me. I know that I've always wanted a baby while I was young( before like 22) but it was so unexpected at that time and now I just feel empty wondering what I am meant to do now. I am going to the doctors on Wednesday to talk to him about it and see if he can refer me to someone who I can talk to about everything, I would love to talk to my mum about it all but I just can't bring myself to talk to her about it, I hope everybody else is okay xx

[Hopefulirishmammy]

Hi @jacquejacque sorry for the radio silence, it’s been hard to know what to say when asked if I’m ok...in truth, I’m slowly feeling more human but still having tough/sad moments. Knowing I have to return back to real life soon (I’m lucky and have been off work for a week) is a bit intimidating! Hope your as ok as can be?

@wanderlust and @alisha I’m so sorry for your losses. I hope you both feel less alone soon xxx

[Azure83]

I'm here and I'm so so sorry for you loss and everyone else's. I'm also a former June 2019 bus member...

My mc was at 8weeks and almost a month ago now. All I can say, for me anyway, that it did get better, or less bad at least.. I was surprised by the hormone crash, just like actual baby blues, I was crying uncontrollably for a couple of days.

[Geekster1963]

Sorry to read this, it’s a horrible thing to go through. When I had my second miscarriage almost 11
Years ago now, we found out on 21st December that we had had a missed miscarriage. We had a scan two weeks earlier and everything was okay we were looking forwards to telling everyone and having some photos of our baby and the rug was pulled from under our feet. I had to go in on Christmas Eve to have a D&C. It was horrible and I still think about it.

We went on to have another four miscarriages but the seventh pregnancy resulted in our almost 7 year old daughter being born.

They should investigate if there is any reason you are miscarriaging now you have had three.

It’s awful going through it, you and your partner have my full sympathy. You will always remember what should have been, you don’t forget it but you do learn to live with it.