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Missed miscarriage at 12 1/2 weeks feels so hard and unfair

(47 Posts)
birdseed Fri 22-Jun-07 05:37:11

Went for 12 week scan late wed afternoon and found baby had died. Absolutely devastatd. Far harder than we ever expected. Thought that we had done the risky 12 weeks and were out the other side. So incredibly difficult to come to terms with, especially as had no bleeding or pain and so no warning at all. Just a nightmare day out of the blue, when we were planning to ring up all our friends to tell them we were pregnant.
And after all the morning sickness.

Have to go for ERPC today and they tell you to expect to wait for 2 hours beforehand in the early pregnancy until, which is same waiting room as antenatal clinic where we booked in last week. Seems so insensitive and so hard.

Woke up at 4am and it all felt so raw all over again.

Only good thing was getting a helium baloon and writing a message to our baby on it and letting it go in the park. Think that helped a little.

AnnainNZ Fri 22-Jun-07 05:50:58

So sorry to hear that you're going through this. It is unfair and the bit about how you will have to wait 2 hours in the antenatal clinic sounds like another hard and unfair thing you really don't need.

I can't imagine how it feels but I'll be thinking of you today, best wishes

Budababe Fri 22-Jun-07 06:34:59

for you.

No experience or advice but just look after yourself.

griffintribe Fri 22-Jun-07 07:09:49

I had my 12 week scan and the baby was fine. 5 days later she died and i carried her for another 2 weeks before i found out.

It IS unfair to lose a baby at any stage but especially hard when you have gotten through the 12 weeks ok and even seen the baby moving.

I am sorry you have to go through this.

Make sure you take time to grieve properly

babyblue2 Fri 22-Jun-07 07:16:02

You have my sympathy birdseed. This happened to me, went for my scan at 13 weeks only to find that the baby had died at 8 weeks and had carried it for extra 5. It was a hard couple of weeks afterwards. I took a week off work and threw myself back into it, went abroad with the girls for a weekend (hubby went with the lads) and went on holiday with hubby. Everyone reacts and experiences things differently. I hope you manage to find a way forward soon

mumtolittleD Fri 22-Jun-07 09:03:10

I'm so sorry for your loss - the same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago and it was so awful - when just like you we were planning to tell people that day. Also got put in a room with other people in the same position and others who were in for scans.
There was lots of crying and a couple of the women had been waiting to see a doctor for 4 hours!! No-one came to tell us anything - you were just told what had happened and then had to wait - SO insensitive.
It does get better - but you have to take one day at a time and try to look forward as much as you can

littlelapin Fri 22-Jun-07 09:06:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bobbynog Fri 22-Jun-07 09:10:31

So sorry birdseed - this happened to me too. There are no words to help, just take the time to come to terms with what has happened, and make sure you talk to people - looking back i think i bottled a lot of it up, and even now i don't think people really understood how i felt.
Best of luck for today and your future

LilRedWG Fri 22-Jun-07 09:12:22

So sorry for your loss Birdseed.

spud01 Fri 22-Jun-07 09:17:01

birdseed i was on Jan thread with you. Im so sorry to hear about your loss. Ive been through a similar experience back in jan of this year and no how difficult a time it is. I also felt they were incensitive too, the epu unit is next door to maternity unit in our hospital, i came out of epu to face a heavily pregnant woman talk about it hitting home what id lost. Give yourself time to recover, lean on someone for a while, do what you feel necessary to help your recovery. Take care, be thinking of you

spud01 Fri 22-Jun-07 09:28:36

birdseed would you like me to let them no what has happened on the Jan thread, this to save you having to go through doing this, sorry if i have over stepped the mark

dejags Fri 22-Jun-07 09:32:24


I have no practical advice, but your post really conveyed, how terribly sad you are feeling and I felt I had to post.

I am so sorry you are going through this, there isn't anything anybody can say. It's just damn unfair and a terrible thing to have to go through.

I hope the next few days go quickly for you and that you begin to recover soon.


talcy0 Fri 22-Jun-07 09:37:48

am so very sorry for your loss x

brandnewhelsy Fri 22-Jun-07 09:39:19

Als had a missed miscarriage, baby probably died at 6 or 7 weeks, and didn't find out until 11 weeks and 6 days - wonderful Dr told us to grieve for the lost child and then move on, look to the future. REALLY hard right now I know but you will get there. Look after yourself.

cupcakes Fri 22-Jun-07 09:48:37

Birdseed, I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage which was diagnosed at the 12 week scan. I waited for the bleeding to happen naturally and that was a tough couple of days.
If it's any consolation at all I got pg again 4 weeks after the bleeding stopped and now have a beautiful 6 month dd. It doesn't stop me thinking about this lost baby though.

Good luck for today.

lulu1414 Sat 23-Jun-07 10:59:10

Birdseed- I'm so, so sorry. The same thing happened to me. Went to the scan thinking we would get the all clear as I was 13 weeks and was told the baby died at 12 weeks 4 days which must have been very recent. I had an ERPC a few days later. It is devastating. Take time to grieve the loss of your baby. Take care of yourself.

DoubleBluff Sat 23-Jun-07 11:02:46

Sorry to hear that Birdseed. Same thing happened to me 7 yrs ago,at 13 weeks, and i still feel sad about it esp when I hear it has happened to someone else. Allow yourself to grieve, not only have you lost your baby but all the plans that you had for it too.
There are no answers.
The only positive is that you know you are able to get pregnant.
I went on to have 2 healthy children. Good Luck.

ejt1764 Sat 23-Jun-07 11:03:40

Birdseed - I've been there too - went for a scan at 13 + 1 to find that baby had died before 6 weeks - had also had ms, and thought that everything was fine. Horrendous - it felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world.

Thinking of you at your erpc today. You take time to grieve ... you are in my thoughts and prayers.

poppy34 Sat 23-Jun-07 12:14:25

birdseed - just wanted to say that I am so sorry and thinking of you.

I have had 2 missed m/c (both at around 7 weeks) and found out about problems with 20 weeks scan so I know there is a particular pain to finding out like you did at a scan where you thought you should be ok given your symptoms .

Hope the ERPC went ok and you're taking it easy.


MamaMaiasaura Sat 23-Jun-07 12:24:50

so sorry birdseed am aboslutely gutted for you. I have no experience of this but was with you on the Jan thread. Thinking of you, baby and your dp xxx The balloon was a lovely thing to do.

footsie Sat 23-Jun-07 17:55:31

Hi birdseed so sorry for your loss . The same thing happened to me went for 12 week scan but baby had died at 9. that was 53 long days ago things do get easier just give yourself time. Hope the ERPC went well, the balloon was a lovley touch. best wishes

missytrouble Sun 24-Jun-07 22:14:29

Birdseed, so sorry to hear this. Same thing happened to me 9 weeks ago. I was 13 weeks and scan showed baby had died at 7. I know how hard it is for you right now. Take time for yourself. It takes time but you will slowly start to feel better. Take care. xx

Glimmer Mon 25-Jun-07 17:40:21

Hi Birseed. The same happened to me -- I found out at the 12 week scan that I had had a missed mc. I didn't know about missed miscarriages at the time and thought everythign was fine and I had passed the critical stage. It is a horrible time in life and I will think of you.

I think it is outrageous that they let you wait together with the antenatal clinic clients. It is probably to late know but I would ask if I could wait somewhere else. This is incredible insensitive of your hospital.

birdseed Tue 26-Jun-07 08:35:17

Thank you all for your incredibly kind messages.
Those of you who have gone through the same, I really feel for you as I understand the sadness and other emotions. I am glad that it gets easier.

My dh has been very supportive and we have been very close these last few days, which I think has made things a bit easier.

ERPC went ok. I decided in the end that I just couldn't do it at that hospital. The midwives were horrible and wouldn't even let me have a quick chat with the obs and gynae dr on the phone or in person the day before the op. So discussing options wasn't really a go-er. So I never got to see a doctor at the hospital throughout the whole pregnancy and aftermath. I thought that that was pretty appauling especially as I specifically asked when I rang up the day after our awful scan.

In the end about 1 hour before we were due to set off for the hospital my mum managed to arrange for me to have it done elsewhere. Which was a great relief and made the day so much easier than it could have been.

MumtolittleD - sorry you had such an awful experience at the hospital. How do they get it so wrong? Just a bit of sensitivity and information would help.

Spud01 - you can tell them if you like on Jan thread. I was just going to slope off. I hadn't been posting the week before as I had had my sisters' wedding and so thought people might not notice. I now know how anxious a time pregnancy can be and didn't want to make it any worse for people by making them more anxious about their 12 week scans, as I know that some people haven't got to that stage yet. I really hope that everything goes perfectly for you and for the rest.

birdseed Tue 26-Jun-07 08:54:35

Thinking a bit ahead of myself I know, but trying to be positive - did any of you have any different antenatal care early in pregnacy the next time?

I just think that I would be so anxious and would worry about ectopic having had surgery (don't know if is a realistic concern or not).

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