Second MMC. Devastated. Why is happening.

[Laney79]

I had a MMC diagnosed in March, my little bean measured just 3.1mm (5ish weeks)when he should've been 9 weeks. It took months to sort.

Fell pregnant again over the summer. I should be 9 weeks tomorrow. Had an early scan today. Baby measures just 4.2mm, no blood flow and no heartbeat.

I'm devastated. I'm 39. TTC#1. Why is this happening to me? I did everything right. I'm just heartbroken. And I know I've now got two weeks of waiting before they'll do anything, and the agony of actually miscarrying to come.

I'm feeling like I'm just not meant to be a mom. There's something wrong with me surely for it to keep happening at the same point, and for my body not to notice.

I'm broken and I don't know what to do.

[MaggieSimpsonsPacifier]

I’m so so sorry OP. That is so cruel and hard. I’m sure people with more knowledge than me will be along to post, but I just wanted to send you a huge virtual hug.

[Ikabod]

I'm so sorry for your losses. I've had two MMC myself. For me, it was PCOS and low progesterone levels.

I really hope that you don't have to suffer this again - but don't give in. We eventually paid to see a consultant (rather than suffer a 3rd and only then get a GP referral) and that's the only reason - I think - that I was diagnosed relatively quickly (and by quick I mean we were trying for two years!)

[Troika]

So sorry OP. I’ve had two mmc in a row too. Having one is hard enough but two in a row is really tough.

I think I was fortunate as both times I was able to book an erpc as soon as the first scan showed no heartbeat without having to wait 2 weeks for another scan. It must depend which nhs trust you come under or something.

I got pregnant again 3 weeks after the second erpc (without having a period) and am now 24 weeks. I’ve been taking low dose aspirin throughout this pregnancy, no idea if it has made any difference but my dr said there was no harm in trying it.

Fingers crossed that it happens for you soon

[GrimSqueaker]

Saw this on active - hope you don't mind me intruding (and I know the success stories of someone who knows someone who had 87 miscarriages and couldn't get pregnant then had a baby at 67 years old when the milkman looked at her are irritating as fuck so I'll try to avoid that).

We had this happen - coupled with the added cruelty of struggling to conceive in the first place. By some fluke of getting lucky with who was on the ward when I went in for ERPC the second time they found a gap in the consultant's calendar and snuk me in after 2 losses in quick succession rather than making me wait it out for 3. I had a longer wait for ERPC to resolve that one as the follow up scan then found a second sac so it appears to have been twins I lost that time.

Consultant was very very no nonsense (I appreciated that to be fair) and basically said that, yep, it looked like things were consistently going wrong at the same point in the pregnancy and that when I got pregnant again, ring up and they'd get me in for early scans from the outset so they could at least try to see what was going wrong. Couldn't do much more at that point because I wasn't at the 3 losses tipping point - but put me on mega dose folic acid as well and said that often, just being in the system knowing someone was monitoring you could be the tipping point for some women to get a successful outcome.

Took a hell of a long time to get pregnant again - but went for early scan, sac but too early to confirm anything more... back weekly and they found a heartbeat when one should have been visible and they scanned me weekly for the first trimester. Wasn't all smooth sailing - I appear to also have a faulty oven timer and try to go into labour at 33 weeks so DD1 was premature, but they also kept me in the system for future pregnancies - so again when I conceived DD2 unexpectedly quickly after DD2 (wait 6 years for one... then it gets like buses) again they scanned me weekly - her 33 week escape attempt was thwarted and basically now they're 5 and 6 with 10 1/2 months between them..

It is an incredibly cruel trick of nature to have these happening - and it was an awful period in my life (FB is bringing it up in my memories at the moment) so take the time needed to look after yourself OP.

(Hopefully not too irritating a "hopeful" story for you)

[Laney79]

Thankyou all.

I just feel broken. I was so tempted to take the baby aspirin but GP said not to, so I didn't. I really think there's something wrong. Both pregnancies stopped within a day of each other going by baby size (they should grow 1mm a day at that stage). My gut instinct last time said its a blood issue-and I feel the same this time. I'm kicking myself for not taking the aspirin.

I just don't know if I can keep doing this. I've got two weeks of waiting and hoping I lose naturally then the horrible internal scan again, followed by medical management and more invasive procedures which I despise. And of course the actual physical agony of losing my baby. It was horrific last time. If it follows the same pattern I'll bleed for weeks until AF shows and only then will I finally be free of the physical hell.

I so desperately want to be a mom but it feels like this is dates way of saying I shouldn't be. And that breaks my heart.

[Lumpy76]

Bless you xxx I’ve had 2 mmc and a mc but not in a row. Just had my second mmc - had medical management on Monday evening. I waited to mc naturally with my first mmc with almost disastrous results so had already decided to go med management if I had a second. Fortunately this has been much better and physically I’m very well - emotionally up and down. Having done both I’d really recommend not waiting. I don’t think it helps you mentally - despite what I thought first time where I thought it would help me get my head around it...I don’t think it did at all. Also prolonged the pregnancy sickness I get. I’m still nauseous tonight, although I’ve not felt sick during the daytime, which has been a relief. Lots of love xx

[Laney79]

Thanks @Lumpy76 I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. Sadly I have no choice but to wait. Because bow is so small nhs won't confirm she's gone until a rescan in 14 days. Only then can I take the meds.

So I'm in limbo, passing small amounts of brown/red blood just like the first time knowing it's no where near enough, and anticipating the agony of the actual physical part when it does finally happen.

Why is my body killing my babies? I just don't think I can do this again.

[Lumpy76]

I can’t answer your question re the babies...with me it’s probably my age...I’m 42 (nearly 43) so probably the eggs are no good. But I’m going to pay to see a gyny privately and get his/her opinion now. Lots of people with mc take progesterone in the early weeks and often they’re given aspirin (75mg) to help counter clotting issues that may be ending the pregnancies (I don’t have clotting issues so this probably wouldn’t help me). Most probably it’s just bad luck for you and that’s really shit. I feel so badly for you - I sobbed tonight - proper ugly sobbing and then couldn’t sleep at all. Xx

[CurlyTwirlyTwos]

Hey Laney79

It’s okay, it’s shit. I’ve just had my 3rd in a row - and I took aspirin this time! Don’t kick yourself for not taking it, it might be something different.

Get yourself referred as there might be something else going on. I’m currently on the waitlist, but considering going private due to my age.

Be kind to yourself (easier said than done) I’m sliding into a depression and had to start counselling. Don’t let it get that far, as now I’m paranoid that that might be causing it too!!

[AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight]

I'm sorry.

One of the horrible things about miscarriage is the elusiveness of a 'cause'. I've had six over a period of a decade (beginning when I was 27), including successions of two and three, interspersed between three children (which I appreciate makes me tremendously lucky). After number 4 I had tests and two clotting issues turned up, but another pregnancy failed on heparin (two, actually, but one was down to a rare-ish chromosomal issue that was completely incompatible with life so would have ended anyway) and of course that didn't explain the two children I had had by that point. My final pregnancy (aged 38, after three mcs in a row and then a year of not conceiving when it had always happened within a few months at most before - sorry, like a PP I know these 'miracle stories' are shit, but it really did seem incredibly unlikely in my case) resulted in dc3, on heparin and initial progesterone, but I will never know the exact cause. A karyotype turned up nothing, much to the surprise of the geneticist who seemed fairly certain it would be a balanced translocation due to the pattern of mcs and births. This chapter is behind me now, so I'll never really 'know'.

It's no comfort that 2 mcs in a row and even three are pretty common things to happen, statistically considered. But the other side of the coin of the randomness of miscarrying is the randomness of not miscarrying. I don't think you need to give up hope. But to cover all bases, I would push for a referral now - your age is a powerful argument there. Have you read Lesley Regan's book? I think she does say the pattern your mcs seem to take may be typical of a clotting issue, but don't quote me on that.

[InDreamland]

@Laney79 I'm so so sorry you find yourself here again. Recognise you from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread but wanted to send you hugs here too. It really is shit and nothing anyone can say will make this better but know we are all here for you. Please do take all the time you need to heal emotionally and physically from this. One mc is just terrible but two or more is just the biggest blow ever. I wish I could give us all the babies we long so much for. I understand the feeling of maybe it'll never happen, I'm 38 and was TTC for 5 years before getting pregnant then losing my little bean just completely knocked me to the ground and stamped so hard on my heart. I hope over the months and years that you will get stronger at coping with the grief but for now cry and scream because it is raw and it's natural to feel the way you do. When you feel ready please look into counselling. Take care of yourself

[scully02]

I am so sorry. I too saw my babies heartbeat then went to another ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. had to have a d and c. the pain was great. you did nothing wrong. you did not cause this.

[Troika]

Oh no don’t blame yourself! My dr said there was very little to go on with the aspirin but that there was no harm in taking it if I wanted to. Chances are it’s made no difference.

It’s so hard when it happens again and I think nearly impossible not to doubt your own body but please be kind to yourself

[Laney79]

Thankyou everyone. I'm just heartbroken and I just don't know how to function.

I thought I'd hit rock bottom last time but I didn't realise there was an even darker painful place until this happened.

I've been going for counselling since I lost bean earlier in the year. I went yesterday and just sobbed.

I just don't understand why it's happening again, what did I do to deserve this?

[InDreamland]

I've been going for counselling since I lost bean earlier in the year. I went yesterday and just sobbed.

I just don't understand why it's happening again, what did I do to deserve this?

Oh @Laney79 I'm so so sorry. This is heartbreaking. I really wish I could say something that would help make it all better but I know that all I can say in support is to send you lots of hugs and a hand hold. I really hope that over time it will get easier for you to cope with the pain and grief but for now you need to take all the time you need to heal. Much of what you wrote resonates so much with how I and many others think and feel right now (I too went for counselling yesterday and sobbed through it and keep asking why I deserve this - although only had one loss after 5 years TTC). It doesn't bring your baby back but please know you're not alone and we're all holding your hand through this really shit time I really wish you (and all of us here) didn't have to go through this. Please take care of yourself x