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Gutted.

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Thesecretx Sat 14-Jul-18 10:07:43

I don't really know what I'm looking for on here but here goes... I have a healthy 18 month old son. Me and my partner always said we will start trying for another when he's one. His birthday came and a month later I was pregnant. At 10+5 I was seriously looking forward to our first scan, however over a couple of days I had some spotting and cramping, then a huge bleed in the night. We went to the EPC the next morning where the sonographer confirmed I had a miscarriage and said I had nothing of pregnancy left. However that night I went to the toilet and saw something grey hanging out of me (the sac) pulled it out and briefly saw my little baby. Out of shock and panic I chucked it into the toilet. Got it back out but didn't know what to do so ended up putting it back in again. I can't forgive myself for this. I don't know how the sonographer missed that. Having no warning of what was to come made it even harder. Sometimes when I'm going to sleep at night I suddenly remember what I seen and feel so scared and disgusted with myself all over again. Sooo moving on 5 weeks later i find out I'm pregnant again I'd been having some cramping so got sent for a early scan, because I hadn't had a period inbetween the miscarriage and this pregnancy we didn't know how far along I am. Found out it's TWINS. However the weeks were going by and they couldn't see any development inside the sacs. Last Friday I was suppose to get my final answer but because the sacs were still growing they said they couldn't rule anything out. So I went back yesterday and still nothing had changed except the sacs had grown only a tiny bit this time. Measuring 5 weeks when the least I could be (because of the time I took a PT, is 6) So my plan with the midwife is to wait a week, if I don't start bleeding in this week then I'll go back and take the tablets to start everything off. I'm absolutely gutted that this has happened. The whole time I've been thinking so positive, convinced myself that everything's going to be ok. And even thought to myself that it's twins because the one I lost has come back to me. I don't understand why this keeps happening, I'm 21 so I'm young and healthy, it's not fair. Now of course I'm going to be happy with any healthy pregnancy, but now all I'm going to want is twins!

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