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2 miscarriages this year- really struggling

(18 Posts)
Mabelmay87 Mon 09-Jul-18 13:42:24

Just looking for a bit of support. I've had 2 pregnancies, both of which have ended in miscarriage. The first one was diagnosed in January and was a blighted ovum I needed surgical management as my body wasn't getting rid of it on its own. I healed quickly and my cycle got back on track pretty quickly. I got pregnant again in March- this time was different- we had an early scan and saw a heartbeat and 7 weeks. I went back again at 9.5 weeks and there was no heartbeat. The baby was measuring 8w6d.
I had another surgical management (ERPC) as I hated the thought of waiting and was scared for the pain.
I went back to work way to soon and have ended up being signed off for a couple of weeks. My period has finally returned today which is bittersweet.
I feel like I'm not getting better emotionally. I feel very hopeless and worried for the future. I'm 31 and whilst I know I still have time it's already been almost a year of trying. People keep saying at least you can conceive which I recognise is a very good thing of course. But conceiving doesn't equal a baby, as I've realised. There are lots of baby announcements going on which I'm struggling with. My due date for the first baby is also coming up in August which I'm dreading. I'm just feeling very very down and having some pretty dark thoughts at times... sad

OP’s posts: |
Sice Mon 09-Jul-18 13:56:01

I totally do understand your emotions. I am so sorry for your losses. I too have suffered two pregnancy losses one due to a twin blighted ovum last year in June .I had to have an mva.in September discovered was pregnant again to my amazement twins. I however suffered preterm labour and lost tmy twin boys at 23 weeks in February 2018.i felt devasted heartbroken and it was so wrenching to get back to work in may and see colleagues from maternity leave. My friends at work and I are no longer close as I felt they could not be there for me during my loss .I had to have and emergency c section but due to the time my boys could not make it.Everyday is a step to healing dear .grieve and cry take all the time you need emotionally its a roller coaster. Personally I have now changed open to a few people and hold them to my heart as blessings

Tobebythesea Mon 09-Jul-18 21:02:32

I’m so sorry for your losses. I’ve had two miscarriages this year too. You are not alone. Please do not give up hope xx

Mabelmay87 Tue 10-Jul-18 10:35:30

It's so weird. I thought I was doing ok. When I was first signed off work I started off by being really proactive. Started a new yoga class, made sure I got out of the house every day, took up tennis, went to acupuncture, started reading a new book I'd been meaning to for a while. I had all these grand plans for how I was going to use this time off to get back to myself again. But it's all getting on top of me. My family are probably bored of hearing about it. I think they think I'm letting it all consume me too much. It's nice to know that I'm not alone and there are others out there getting through this. I wish I was as resilient as some of the women on here.xx

OP’s posts: |
Yoshei Tue 10-Jul-18 21:11:50

Hi Mabelmay87,

I am really sorry for your losses.

I have almost the exact timeline, miscarrying at 13 weeks in februari (due date was also for august) and miscarrying again in may at eight weeks. Sometimes everything seems fine. Then all of a sudden it's like I've been hit by a train full of stuffed away emotions. We've also been trying for a year now. I wish it was just 'trying for a year' and not miscarrying twice, maybe that would make it easier to look forward to a positive pregnancy test. Since we already have one son we're considering giving up. It's just too hard, I crash with every menstruation cycle that passes (possibly because of progesterone supplements). I hope you can find more courage to keep trying than I am.
Don't ever let anyone tell you you're letting it consume you too much though, you have every right to grieve the children you lost and grieve what could have been.

Emmafh3 Sun 22-Jul-18 22:01:36

I've had two mc this year as well. It's the most frustrating agonising thing. And yes you should grieve, but I also think, in my opinion, that there is a time where you have to realise that "could have been" is an negative way to grieve. Maybe its just me though, I think that what will be will be, and look ahead. Otherwise "could have been" leads to all "what did I so wrong, if only I did this... If only we tried that..." but nothing can be changed or altered. Only the future is shapable, not the past. The season you are in will pass and the sunshine will come again.

Wishing everybody all the best in the future flowers

Babytales137 Mon 23-Jul-18 11:31:14

How are you feeling now? I also have had two mc and am actually in the middle of my second. I was told to wait to check next week on the grown of the baby - not growing and empty sac. I still pray that there is some miracle but im also not doing so well emotionally. I’m a wreck inside. I wanted to let you know I am praying for your mental health. The rest will come. I am sorry you feel like crap. This too shall pass. And it’s ok to not be ok. Especially if in your house you can be. I can’t unfortunately. I live with my family and my sister doesn’t allow anyone in the house except herself to have any feelings apart from happiness. Some people have the monopoly on grief.
Do all the things you couldn’t when you were pregant. Have a drink. Eat some lovely soft raw cheese. Eat sushi. Have some oysters washed down with a glass of bubbles. Go on a road trip. If you can. If not escape into a book. 🙏

Lisalou88 Tue 24-Jul-18 19:09:49

Hi I’m really sorry for your losses. I have also suffered two this year with a MMC at 12 weeks in January and MC af 6 weeks in May. My first due date is in 2 weeks time & it’s heartbreaking. It’s also now been a year since we started trying and i thought I would have a baby by now. Like you everyone keeps saying it’s good that I can get pregnant but now when I see a positive test it doesn’t mean I’m going to have a baby at the end. Take care of yourself xx

Mabelmay87 Tue 24-Jul-18 20:38:57

Thank you for sharing your stories which seem so very similar to mine. Yes,
I have been eating the things I like and having a glass of wine (probably more than I should when TTC but I won't be now my OPK tells me I'm ovulating).
Still off work, things between my partner and I are pretty temperamental as he's really stressed out at work and I'm not really in the best place to be a source of support to him.
I too am dreading the 25th August which was my original due date and like you say after a year of trying And two miscarriages later I'm no further in achieving what I'd hoped so much. In fact. In the time I've been trying one of my best friends has had her first baby and has now just got pregnant with her second...
Have you anything planned for your due date pp or are you going to just try and pretend it isn't happening? If I don't mention it my partner definitely won't remember so I could just block it out. Although I know that will be hard to do.xx

OP’s posts: |
CottonSock Tue 24-Jul-18 20:42:23

It is shit..I had two mc then a daughter. Another two mc then another lovely daughter.. I had some interventions and a lot of support from my local early pregnancy unit..most won't see you until 3 mc, but it's worth an ask.

rubyroot Tue 24-Jul-18 20:57:32

Hi I had my first (and only) miscarriage when I was 38. Conceived the following year, exactly same dates- didn’t try straight a way tbh as really didn’t fancy anything up there!!

I have friends who have miscarried several times and who now have healthy babies.

It’s not easy and when I miscarried, I just kept reading success stories where people had miscarried and then gone on to have healthy children. That made it worse for me as I just felt that was never going to me, I was 38, too old, my eggs were too old etc.

Give your mind and body some time to recover, you’re 31- there’s no rush and you’ve been through an ordeal!!

Mabelmay87 Tue 24-Jul-18 21:56:05

Cotton sock- do you mind me asking what interventions/support you received?
I've asked my GP to refer me and she has done but I'm just waiting to hear if they will accept it as I've not had the magic 3 (awful that you have to).
Ruby root- that's reassuring that you've had two lovely healthy daughterssmile
I know I'm 31 and have time, I guess I just worry as this could be the start of a long journey and ttc can take a long time let alone when you finally do and then miscarry. If only we had crystal balls to see that there was a healthy child(ren) in our future and not worry anymore. I think it's the unknown that's the scary part.xx

OP’s posts: |
rubyroot Wed 25-Jul-18 08:42:15

Hi Mabel

My friend had 3 and referred after three, the investigations were slow- sorry to be so negative!

They never did find any answers and now have three kids.

Midwives did not even see my miscarriage as a risk factor during my pregnancy.

What I did was asked to be referred to consultant (for fertility checks) as had been trying for two years and miscarried. They checked egg count etc- they get this through measuring hormones which then allow them to estimate amount and health of eggs etc.

They scanned to check ovaries and then there was the sperm test...

Next test was to check tubes, even though dr thought they weren't blocked they go through the process.

Never got round to that test tough.

You do have to be trying to conceive for 2 years, perhaps you could tell your dr that?

SwearyMaclary Wed 25-Jul-18 08:57:46

I’ve been there and it’s just awful, I’m so sorry.

For what it’s worth I went through exactly the same thing and it was the toughest time in my life. Be kind to yourself, as PP said have a glass of wine, do some nice things for you, and take some time to recover emotionally as you would need to with any bereavement.

Most important I found was to keep talking about how you’re feeling, to your partner and friends. It’s really easy to clam up and just say you’re fine, much harder to open up, but you’ll feel so much better to have people who know how you’re feeling. Don’t feel guilty about it.

After two miscarriages I fell pregnant a third time, took low dose aspirin (my GP said it couldn’t hurt), went to my scan expecting the worst and was amazed that it was good news...and still couldn’t believe it when DC actually arrived.

Everything crossed for you OP.

Mabelmay87 Wed 25-Jul-18 12:58:37

Thank you pp. I know a couple of people who had 2 miscarriages and then took low dose aspirin and had a baby. What stage did you start taking the low dose aspirin?

OP’s posts: |
Mabelmay87 Wed 25-Jul-18 13:54:50

Ooo I missed your response Rubyroot. It's too late GP knows we've only been trying a year. I've managed to get a referral to RMC I wanted UCLH but they have nothing for many months so am going to St. George's in a couple of weeks. Just spoke with the consultants secretary and apparently they just do blood tests and possibly scan but they don't even do the Karyotyping (chromosomal) testing there any more and haven't for a couple of years she says. She couldn't tell me why but I'm assuming it's money. I think we'll have to end up paying privately for at least some of the testing.

OP’s posts: |
SwearyMaclary Wed 25-Jul-18 15:34:23

Started taking low dose aspirin right after I got the BFP.

Who knows if it makes any difference but it made me feel like I was doing something!

CottonSock Fri 27-Jul-18 12:21:43

Sorry I missed the question. I started low dose aspirin, blood tests and referral. Then progesterone. They thought they picked up something in my bloods, but that turned out to be a lab error. By this point I had done daily cleaxane injections. But the bean stuck so maybe it helped. I think they also scanned uterus and ovaries. Do you have a sympathetic gp.. this really helped getting the ball rolling. Having said that, you just don't know that all could be perfect next time.

It is so stressful isn't it.

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