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Help me support this friend please

(6 Posts)
tuttifritti Tue 12-Jun-18 22:26:11

My lovely, caring, sweet, kind friend has lost her little boy. Born at 30 weeks he survived for a day before he passed.

We are good friends but don't have the opportunity to meet regularly. I have arranged to visit her in the next few weeks.

Please give me advice on anything I can do to support her. I will arrange for my kids to be looked after that day. Is it appropriate to take food for the freezer? Can I ask her about the birth? About who her little boy looked like?

My lovely friend. So heartbroken. Is there any way I can make it even slightly better for her or at least not worse?

dovegrey18 Tue 12-Jun-18 23:26:15

So sorry to hear this 💐 I think taking food for the freezer is lovely thought. She may not feel up to doin any chores for a while yet. Perhaps a book as well? Take her lead. If it was me God forbid I would want to talk about it so she might really appreciate you taking an interest. What a lovely friend you are x

Elsasalterego Wed 13-Jun-18 08:08:41

She will want to talk about it at some point so make sure she feels like she can talk to you at any time. Make sure she knows she will not be intruding on your life if it is tomorrow, or in a week or a month and even if it's the middle of the night. She will want to mourn him the same way as if she has lost a child but will struggle with peoples understanding of this, she will feel that people will be dismissive of her pain and you need her to help her to own that pain and not be embarrassed to feel the way she is. Freezer meals will be a way of showing you care and will make sure she gets nutrients to heal physically. Take her out in the fresh air, get her walking. You sound like a lovely friend so just keep reminding her that you are there.

tuttifritti Wed 13-Jun-18 22:09:03

Thank you for your great advice.

Teaandbiscuits35 Sat 23-Jun-18 22:26:44

I agree with above, let her know she can talk about it. Ask questions, acknowledge the little life that is no longer. The food idea is lovely too. Ask her if she’d like help making a memory box. Mine still brings me comfort 6 years on.

Naughtykitty Mon 25-Jun-18 00:58:23

Have a look at the SimplySay campaign on The Miscarriage Association website. It has some great advice about talking to others x

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