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(410 Posts)
yellowmellw Thu 10-May-18 11:56:13

Went for my 12 week today and baby had stopped growing at 8+4. They are giving me a week to see if things move on their own. Don't know how to feel but so feel guilty

Michelle0507 Sun 13-May-18 17:47:13

@pampl3m0usse oh no that isn't good. I've had tiny bits of bleeding today but nothing really. I am the same hate sitting by myself at home. Asked the other half to speak to his work about working from home but he's doing the bury your head in the sand thing.
I've only spoken to my Supervisor going to call my Boss tomorrow I'm sure she'll understand. I work for a Children's Charity and my job is so emotionally draining that right now I'd be crying on the kids! I aim to be back next week as it's a short week. X

Pampl3m0usse Mon 14-May-18 13:35:06

Michelle - thinking of you today. Hope that you manage to start getting the answers you need.
Cleozeta - have you had any more bleeding / clots? Are you sure you haven't passed it (see below....)
Pineapple - I saw your comment on your difficulties getting referred to the recurrent miscarriage on another thread. It sounds dreadful and I can see why you would feel like this trauma is unfair and unnecessary.

'Good' news from me. The EPU were about to book me in for surgical management (I saw the nicer of the two nurses who looked genuinely upset to see me there having scanned and found a healthy looking pregnancy at 6 and 8 weeks...) anyway they scanned and it looks like it's all gone, which means the relatively minimal clots I passed on Saturday must have been it.

I'm relieved but feel even more sad for some reason sad My stomach still looks a bit distended and bras not fitting particularly well, but with nothing to show for it.

I wrote myself a little letter about the difficulties I've had over the last two years but got through (DD's near-death sepsis and then severe allergy issues, redundancy, nightmare kitchen renovations, Mum's suicide, gran's death, job stress) highlighting the next six months, as well as my hopes and dreams and goals for the next six. Hopefully when I open it on my Mum's first anniversary / this baby's due date I'll be pregnant again and have managed some of the things listed.

Michelle0507 Mon 14-May-18 13:46:02

Goodness me you've been through so so much! 💔💔

Confirmed no change, stopped growing at 6w3d. I've decieded on surgical, due to me being upset she's asked me to call this eve to confirm. I'm in for preassesment tomorrow.
The SN at Chesterfield was AMAZING! She found me a side room so I didn't have to sit with people as she didn't feel it was appropriate. Everything I've asked for she's done, She's booked me a side room so my partner can stay. She's got me a 2 week sick note, feel awful for being off for 3 weeks in total. Work are completely fine with it.
The wait is nearly over! I'm a little like you still bras don't fit too well.x

PineapplePrincess Mon 14-May-18 15:16:28

Hey guy. Sorry to hear the second round of medical management isn’t working @Pampl3m0usse. I’m currently trialling my first round, three hours in and no sign of movement.

Pain got really bad yesterday, I got admitted to hospital. Took an allergic reaction to first round of pain killers they gave me; my eyes got so swollen I could hardly see out. Then fainted in the middle of the treatment room with the pain. Only thing that touched the pain was a full dose of liquid morphine, and even then that just took the edge off.

No joy in moving forward date for ERPC, so have been reluctantly talked into medical management. So far have had the internal tablets and just taken the oral ones. Not sure what to expect.

Understand the random bursting into tears @Cleozeta. I was a bit like that Fri/Sat. You forget for a bit, then something random triggers you. I’ve gone thru my Facebook account and deleted all maternity/baby related pages that are going to pop up and surprise me.

@Michelle0507, how has today scans gone? flowers

PineapplePrincess Mon 14-May-18 15:28:38

Son, missed the most recent posts (either due to slow hospital internet connection or me not realising they were over the page!)

*@Pampl3m0use*, that would be ‘good’ news in your’ve passed everything. I know what you mean about distended stomach, just a few days ago I was affectionally patting my, thinking it was proof that the pregnancy was advancing. It’s so unfair.

Letter is a good idea. I was counting up my losses; in the last five years I’ve lost my Mum, Dad, dog, and four pregnancies. When I think of it like that, I think sometimes I’m unfair on myself - it’s a lot to go through in a relatively short space of time, I should cut myself some slack. Same for you *@Pampl3m0use*, give yourself some credit for managing your hard times, it shows how strong you are; but equally it’s okay not to be for a bit.

@Michelle0507, have you got a date for your ERPC? Hospital sound like they have been really supportive. xxx

PineapplePrincess Mon 14-May-18 15:29:55

^Oops not son

Gah, I’m not doing well today!

Pampl3m0usse Mon 14-May-18 15:31:43

@Michelle0507 I think I've had my dose of sh*t for the next decade, at least....
I'm really pleased you've managed to get booked in for surgical. I think if this happens again I might go down that route as at least I know its dealt with then.
The lovely nurse who I'd seen yesterday saw me waiting in the EPU fwith all of the pregnant ladies and looked horrified and rushed me off to a side room (the receptionist again failed to offer this even though I told her why I was there; I hadn't the energy to battle). I'm taking another fortnight off work (I'm a teacher and teach nursery children, I just don't have the emotional or physical energy to cope with them right now).
@PineapplePrincess I'm so sorry that you've had a bad run of things with the pain. I think I got slightly luck on that front (assuming the scan was right and everything really has passed now). It looks like the clots that I got Saturday night (36 hours after my first dose) were indeed everything; apparently your womb / cervix can be less responsive to the drugs if you've already got children. I also deleted all of the facebook related stuff, but I'm still getting automatic ads on things which is a bit depressing.
@Cleozeta how are you feeling today?I've been trying to chivvy myself along although if anything feel more emotional. I think hormones are probably not helping in that respect as I tend to get awful angry PMT.
xx

Cleozeta Mon 14-May-18 16:07:33

Pampl, it sounds like you have had so much shit thrown at you recently, you deserve some luck. Fingers crossed for you.
I'm glad everything has cleared for you now. I'm hopeful that is what has happened to me too. I had so much pain and cramping on Friday, I was expecting more stuff to come out! But I find it weird how I've had nothing since. No more cramps at all and I'm starting to feel normal again (physically). Bleeding is like a medium period. Maybe everything has passed. I really hope so. I guess I'll find out at scan on Friday.
I took a pregnancy test earlier, just out of curiosity and its still a strong positive. But I've no idea how long it would take to go negative?
Still feeling upset at random moments, I'm not sure if its the hormones or the disappointment and sadness, or both. I just dont want to be near anyone or talk to anyone in real life, I just want to hide. Hopefully that will pass.
What are you all doing to help cope?

Michelle0507 Mon 14-May-18 16:39:33

Hi lovelies, I've just rang booked in for Thurs as Weds is busy and I won't care she feels I need. I have a huge phobeia of blood, needles & hospitals like you have never known, I embarrass myself so I've requested a side room so my partner can stay etc. She was so lovely when I just rang. She was like I'm not on tomorrow but they're aware. Luckily she's on, on Thurs and will look after me.

I've spoken with my work I work on a Children's talking therapy service (now they're offering it me) and they're just like forget about work and have the 2 full weeks off. It's just its SATs week and I know some kids need me. Always thinking of others.

Take care ladies. Huge hug x x

Mistymeow Mon 14-May-18 18:31:34

Hi- I've been posting on a couple of other threads but I thought I would also post here, in the hope that I can help (I had a MMC diagnosed 4 weeks ago)

@Michelle0507 I'm glad they were so supportive at the Chesterfield EPU. I had an ERPC too (in my local hospital in Surrey) and I was treated with such care and attention. I'm sure you will receive the same.

I understand about being off work alone, although I also work from home too, so altogether it's been a rather isolating exerperience. I actually decided to do the gardenening in my week off, as I found myself getting stuck in bed (and having my husband lift me out). There was something about the process of doing something a bit physical whilst not blocking out the event which I found therapeutic. I'm 2 weeks since my ERPC and getting there, although today I walked into a waiting room full of mums and their newborns, it caught me off guard and I could feel myself getting upset. I had to remind myself that it wasn't my baby, it's not the same. Even though physically I feel back to normal, emotionally it will take longer.

Pampl3m0usse Tue 15-May-18 11:31:46

@Cleozeta I did a pregnancy test this morning and it was still a strong positive too. I was told to expect it to be negative by three weeks in hospital, but from what I'd read it should be by two weeks. It really upset me this morning as I just want to move on and (probably wholly unreasonably) don't really want to go back to work until my cycles have sorted out. Given I'm feeling very emotional I don't think working with 77 three and four year olds is a particularly good idea right now anyway.... I'll be thinking of you as the week comes to a close and keeping everything crossed that you're all done.
I felt similar and went to my son's swimming gala this morning and actively tried to avoid people but then managed to tell someone for the first time without crying. When I picked him up yesterday four of my close friends gave me a hug, which helped a bit.
@PineapplePrincess how are you doing today? Medical management seem to be doing anything?
@Michelle0507 I'm really pleased that you've had such sensitive treatment at such a difficult time. And it's fine to be needle phobic etc (obviously not fine for you but please don't feel embarrassed).
@Mistymeow I used to work from home and sometimes struggled with it even without this to deal with. I'm keeping myself busy in order to keep going at the moment. Just cleaned the whole house! Have a list of jobs for each day to help me get through. Hoping next week to get ahead of myself with some teaching prep so that things will be a bit gentler when I do go back. I've made it my '6 month' resolution not to do myself in with working so hard (60 hour weeks the norm plus I've a 1, 5 and 7 year old).

I wonder if anyone has any advice? My whole abdominal area is a bit tender, especially if I press a bit (!). I'm a bit concerned it might be the start of an infection but - equally - don't want to take antibiotics if I can avoid it......

I hope we can keep things up on the thread for a while. I had a look at one of the TTC after miscarriage ones and it made me cry, I definitely don't feel emotionally ready for 'thinking pregnant' yet....

Cleozeta Tue 15-May-18 12:16:56

Thanks pampl, yeah I've heard 2--3 weeks for negative test, but I think it can vary so much. I just want to get a normal cycle back now!
Well done for telling people and talking, I think that's where I'm struggling. I really don't want to have to tell anyone, but maybe it might help.
I'm trying to feel a bit more positive about things today.
Although I had a look at ttc after mc thread too, decided I'm not ready to get involved in that quite yet. More time required...
Have you got any more check ups at the hospital or have you been discharged now? Your discomfort may just be an after reaction. It's been through a lot recently and may just need some time to recoperate

Michelle0507 Tue 15-May-18 12:30:48

I feel a bit like it's hit me today, like "this is happening" even though I've been desperate for treatment.
I've had some odd stomach pains and slight brown marks when I wipe.

May be worth giving EPAU a call if you think you have an infection better to be safe.

I hope this thread keeps going also, as you've all been so helpful and amazing.

Michelle0507 Tue 15-May-18 20:41:02

Well you couldn't make it up, been for pre assesment at 6pm got home and the bleeding had started fully! I'm in quite a bit of pain I've had paracetamol & brufen and sat with a wheat bag, any more tips ladies?
Rang EPAU said to stay at home while ever I can. If I think I've passed it to ring in the morning and go on for a scan.
Things are getting real.

Pampl3m0usse Tue 15-May-18 21:19:47

oh bless you. so hard to be geared up for one thing and end up with another. I passed things without too much discomfort but found walking around helped as well as a bath...

Michelle0507 Tue 15-May-18 21:38:56

Thank you.

Now I'm at this stage I hope to just pass it all. Although my sideroom with ensuite and free tv did sound lovely! Got to find some positives!

Cleozeta Tue 15-May-18 22:13:23

Hope you are ok michelle. The physical side of things mixed with the emotional on top is so tough.
For the pain I took codimol (?) It's a mixture of codine and paracetamol I think. Quite strong but still over the counter. I also had a hot water bottle on the pain which helped a bit.
I hope it all passes quickly for you

Michelle0507 Wed 16-May-18 10:45:01

Not much happened over night - which shocked me. Woke up in a fair bit of pain, had some tablets think I'll be trying a bath next.

Pampl3m0usse Wed 16-May-18 16:48:07

michelle Cleo pineapple how are you all doing? just on my way back on the 200 mile journey from mum's inquest. exhausted. on a positive note the bleeding is lessening!

PineapplePrincess Wed 16-May-18 17:17:48

Hey all. Hope everyone is okay today.

Medical management on Monday didn’t allow me to pass anything naturally, but did allow doctor to eventually access and remove everything. Was not the most pleasant of experiences, but at least it is over. Waiting for bleeding to subside, but mostly like a heavy period.

Spent yesterday with DS and today lazily soaking up the sun. Everything feels a bit surreal.

Hope your Mum’s inquest went okay, and the journey has not been too stressful @Pampl3m0usse.

Hope you are okay @Michelle0507. If the pain gets too bad, call EPU - don’t be afraid to go in and get stronger meds.

Cleozeta Wed 16-May-18 17:24:58

Glad the bleeding is lessening pampl, thats a really good sign.
I am still holding out for Friday's scan to see whats going on, but I've had nothing since Friday except medium bleeding.
Pineapple - glad it is over for you now. I know what you mean about it being surreal, the whole thing really is.
Michelle - hope you are ok

Michelle0507 Wed 16-May-18 17:53:29

The pain is getting too much, think I am going to have to ring them.
I seem to be spending most time sat on the toilet as it eases a little. I get a really bad pain about every 20 min that lasts a short while, maybe like a contraction.
So much pain but not a lot of bleeding! sad

Michelle0507 Wed 16-May-18 17:54:18

@pampl3m0usse hope it went as well as it can.

PineapplePrincess Wed 16-May-18 18:15:51

@Michelle0507, please call EPU. I know from experience the pain can very quickly get out of control, even with little bleeding.

Littlegoth Wed 16-May-18 18:17:54

@Pampl3m0usse exactly the same for me, they were so sure it was cervical erosion but a private scan showed no heartbeat and I miscarried on Sunday. Tests show a uti, didn’t even know I had one as no symptoms. Feeling a bit down today - it was supposed to be my first midwife appointment and instead was sat with all the lucky pregnant people awaiting a second blood test to confirm my miscarriage.

I’m having wine tonight.

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