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Absolutely Gutted(3 Posts)
I'm lucky, I have two children (13 and 10). Swore that was it, would never have another in a million years, bla bla bla. Imagine my surprise when a month ago I found out I was pregnant. Ok, bit slack with birth control, but given my age (just turned 43), periods are really light and all together the number of times we actually have sex (I know, only takes the once), I never thought I would get pregnant.
My emotions went from shock, to panic, disbelief, uncertainty and then acceptance. Long story short, we talked and decided that what would be, would be. I of course started envisioning a change of lifestyle and a new chapter - stupid.
Of course, it wasn't meant to be. Had dating scan as periods always all over the place and pretty sure was blighted ovum (had one previously between my two). I started bleeding later that day (should have been nearly 8 weeks, but no growth past 5 1/2) and coming up a week it has all stopped. Physically I'm fine, mentally I'm falling apart, it has hit me like a ton of bricks as even though I swore I never wanted this, now I know this is it for me.
There is no way hubby would go for another, says too old (he's 46) and age gap now too large etc etc which he is totally entitled to his opinion, but where does that leave me. I can't stop crying, have no enthusiasm for anything and just want these feelings to go away.
I know in time it will get better, but why would this happen to then end up like this? It's so hard getting my head around it and oh my god it hurts so much. I can't even talk to him properly at the moment as I just turn into a blubbering mess and I reckon he's thinking that I should be handling this all a bit better (he wouldn't say that, but I know he'd be thinking it and inside he's happy this has turned out this way as he suffers badly with anxiety and was freaked out by the whole thing).
Thanks for 'listening'.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I don’t think there is an exact reason why it happens but it’s still an extremely heart breaking experience to go through. Time really does make it easier, I couldn’t even talk about mine when it happened but now it comes slightly easier. Be easy on yourself and allow time to not just grieve for your baby but the life you envisaged as a family of 5. Try to take each day as it comes and I hope you feel better soon x
Thanks Mommabear101. You're right, think the hormones have calmed a little now, but it still hits you doesn't it. Thank you for your kind words x
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