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Advised termination at 14 weeks. IVF pregnancy :( please help.

(35 Posts)
Sunn15 Thu 26-Apr-18 21:48:30

After many years of trying to conceive and IVF, we were thrilled to become pregnant. All fine at 8 and 12 week scans. After some bleeding and an additional scan at 14 weeks we were given the devastating news that baby has hydrops. We're waiting for further test results but have been advised it is highly likely and recommended we will need to terminate the pregnancy for medical reasons. I've done all the research and know what is coming.
I feel like I'm in a nightmare that I can't escape sad love baby so much and can't even contemplate how I'm going to come to terms with such a decision.
I'm 40 so feel like this was our last chance.
We have another frozen embryo but I'd be terrified to try again and same thing happen. Just not sure I could cope.
I feel so lost and in despair. Just wondering if anyone out there has been in a similar experience that they could share?

OP’s posts: |
Oly5 Thu 26-Apr-18 21:50:59

Oh god, I’m so sorry to read this OP. My heart goes out to you. I’m just hoping and praying that you find the strength for more IVF after this. And that you do get your longed-for baby.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you and your baby

missjulia Thu 26-Apr-18 21:52:51

Hi, so sorry to hear what you are going through, it is the worst of times. We received a fatal diagnosis at our 20 week scan but we chose to carry to term. Feel free to pm me if you want to. Thinking of you, the waiting for results etc is horrible.

Sunn15 Thu 26-Apr-18 21:55:45

Thank you for kind thoughts. I can't believe it's happening sad

OP’s posts: |
Greenyogagirl Thu 26-Apr-18 21:57:32

Sending you love and personally I would continue with the pregnancy x

Sunn15 Thu 26-Apr-18 21:58:46

Oops just posted before I'd finished. So sorry about your diagnosis at 20 weeks. You are so brave to carry to term. I'm not sure I have the strength, or if it will even be an option for me. It's being in limbo which is so difficult.
I hope you are healing and thanks for sharing

OP’s posts: |
Sunn15 Thu 26-Apr-18 21:59:49

Thank you oly5 for kind thoughts

OP’s posts: |
Oly5 Thu 26-Apr-18 22:17:17

I wouldn’t be able to carry to term either OP. It’s a devastating condition for the baby.
I don’t know how you’ll find the strength to carry on but you will. I am a mother to 3dc and these stories break my heart. You just want one, healthy baby. I just hope it happens for you. You will be in my thoughts

Sunn15 Thu 26-Apr-18 22:34:57

Yes Oly5, all my research shows how devastating a condition it is, especially when diagnosed so early. I can't imagine how to cope trying to carry to term, knowing baby could pass at any time.

I'm from a big family with lots of children so never imagined I'd not have a family of my own. To get so close, but then have your dreams shattered in the space of a few days is so so hard.
However I know it happens to many others sad I can't imagine how people get through this, but know I just have to sad
Thanks again for your kind thoughts

OP’s posts: |
hoping2016 Thu 26-Apr-18 22:42:31

We had similar circumstances. The strength will come, I thought I'd never be able to cope with such difficult news. In our case we decided not to go ahead. At the time I thought I'd never try again but a year later we did and now have a 5 yr old.

My heart goes out to you and if I can help any further please to pm me. flowers

Sunn15 Thu 26-Apr-18 22:59:30

Thank you for sharing hoping2016. Wonderful that you tried again and it all worked out.
It's hard to contemplate the future right now, but being 40 I'm fearful it's too late and this was my one chance sad

Thanks again, it helps to hear from people who have had similar circumstances.

OP’s posts: |
MrsGruber Thu 26-Apr-18 23:08:37

So sorry to hear your news OP . Experienced similar - will pm you. It is so cruel. Hope you have lots of support around you.

ShesAYamEater Thu 26-Apr-18 23:12:19

i got pg at 44 and i was delighted.
we got a diagnosis of significant disability that would alter all our lives at about 12weeks.

the most difficult decision ive ever made was not to continue - i would suggest you get in touch with a charity called ARC (antenatal results and choices) who are simply wonderful.

i terminated. i was 14 weeks plus. its very difficult and sadly i have not managed to get pg again.

i had to do the right thing by my baby and felt i did. pm me if you need to talk. x

Alb1 Thu 26-Apr-18 23:13:09

So sorry to hear your news OP, I lost my daughter to hydrops but it was as a result of a heart condition and much further on. There is a 'secret' group on Facebook called hydrops fetalis support group so you may be able to get some more specific support there too flowers

hoping2016 Thu 26-Apr-18 23:16:55

It's a difficult road to go down I wish you strength at such a difficult time..

Not sure if it helps but I know plenty of mums who had their children aged over 40..... xxx

Sunn15 Fri 27-Apr-18 06:57:49

Thank you all for your replies and sharing.
As you know, you feel so alone going through this, so I do find strength in hearing other people's stories.

ShesAYamEater I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you, I hadn't heard of ARC but will look it up.

Alb1, as above I'm really sorry for your loss. I will look up the Facebook group also.

Thank you all x

OP’s posts: |
missjulia Thu 03-May-18 20:59:31

Hi OP, just wondering how you are?

Sunn15 Fri 04-May-18 11:05:03

Hi missjulia

We lost our precious baby last night.
There are no words sad

OP’s posts: |
Lisette40 Fri 04-May-18 11:07:48

Sunn my sincere condolences on the loss of your little one. X

Roaring20s Fri 04-May-18 11:10:10

Sincere sympathy to you OP. You are so strong x

Andcake Fri 04-May-18 11:13:30

So sorry...I had 2 m/c after years of trying. Take time to heal and continue your journey to motherhood. I finally got there at 40.
Good luck and take all the support you can get.
Xxx

mehhh Fri 04-May-18 11:28:44

Oh god I am so sorry thanks I can't imagine there is anything anyone can say or do to take the pain away but I am thinking of you and I hope you find the strength to try again... sending you love and hugs

SmallBlondeMama Fri 04-May-18 12:23:00

I'm so sorry! Wishing you a speedy recovery. I hope your dream of being a mom comes true one way or another Xo

beenandgoneandbackagain Fri 04-May-18 12:29:40

I am so sorry. There are no words that can help.

I m/c my first IVF baby at 12 weeks. I can't imagine how much more painful this is for you. I had a friendly vicar and we did a private "service" to say goodbye.

Massive, massive hugs to you.

bobstersmum Fri 04-May-18 12:33:28

I am so sorry for your loss op I hope you can in time find the strength to try again and have your longed for baby, sending love

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