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When does it become easier?

(9 Posts)
coffeekittens Mon 16-Apr-18 18:03:17

I found out on Saturday that my baby’s heart had stopped beating at a private scan at 7 weeks (I should have been 7+4), I’ve got an NHS scan with the epau on Wednesday to confirm that the pregnancy isn’t viable.

My heart is breaking, I’ve got a beautiful 5 year old DD who I should be greatful for but I can’t hold back the tears, I feel so sad and so empty. I know it’s early days but I’ve read about women going back to work whilst suffering a MC, I can barely make it for 30 minutes without breaking down.

Please tell me that this pain won’t last forever.

OP’s posts: |
RedRobin7 Mon 16-Apr-18 21:53:17

I am so sorry for your loss thanks

Tomorrow it's been 4 weeks since we found out at the 12 week scan that our baby had died. We had heard the heart beating just a few weeks before. It was the worst day of my life and I dream about it so often. I had the surgical management a week later and it was so very tough. I spent a lot of time crying and had two weeks off work in total. I was really struggling but started to feel like I was my own worst enemy and being alone with my thoughts in my head was making me much worse. So I went back to work - it was hard but it was the right thing for me. Everyone is different so take as long as you need.

I'm finally having more good days than bad and I didn't expect to be feeling this strong so soon. Sometimes I feel bad that I'm not still crying my eyes out but at some point we do start feeling stronger. I'm still very sad and new anxieties about life and the future have developed but I'm doing my best to fight it.

I hope you have lots of support around you. Please be kind to yourself and take the time you need to grieve xx

Nades84 Mon 16-Apr-18 22:15:57

I'm sorry for your loss, it's heartbreaking flowers

We found out 4 weeks ago at a private scan that our baby had died, after 2 weeks stuck in limbo and 2 more scans at the EPU I finally had an ERPC done 11 days ago. At first I felt numb and empty but I'm starting to have better days. It's hard though, just have to take one day at a time. One day I'm fine the next I'm not. Please don't feel ungrateful because you already have a beautiful 5 year old, I have 2 children and my baby was just as wanted and would have been loved just as much as them. That's what I'm struggling with, every time I look at them I wonder who the baby would have been more like and how my 3 year old daughter would have been so excited to be a big sister sad

As for work I've been off since we found out, I'm due back on Thursday and even though I know I need to go back I'm absolutely dreading it and feel sick at the thought of going (though I'm sure it will be fine once I'm there!)

Take all the time you need, surround yourself with people who care and talk about it when you need to, I've found that bottling it up makes it harder. We're here if you need a chat, take care xxx

TinyPaws Mon 16-Apr-18 22:31:21

flowers I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I have a follow up scan on Wednesday too after no heartbeat was seen at the 7 week scan.

Millie83 Mon 16-Apr-18 22:59:50

Coffee kittens I am so sorrry you are going through this. No matter at what stage you loose your baby it’s heart breaking. You will feel strong moment then so weak at others. You must talk about it when you need to and cry when you feel like it. Keeping it all I will be too hard. You can’t underestimate how much emotion there will be, plus hormones. It’s a cruel situation.

I’m sorry but my story is long but I really feel like I have to talk about it:

I am also struggling. After routine bloods I found that I had a 1:5 chance of the baby having DS. I broke down, can this really be happening to us. After 2 years at 34 I’m finally pregnant and now this. We chose to then have private testing which came back positive, then we had a CVS and the Dr was convinced before results the baby had DS. We made the heart breaking decision to ‘interupt’ The pregnancy. It was the worst time of my life and now I had to said goodbye to my baby. Took the tablet on the Sat and went in on the Mon for the second part. Had unbelievable pain all day and finally passed the baby at around 4. The placenta got stuck half out (TMI) and the adr couldn’t get it out after serious prodding! She broke it off and I was left with retained products until the next morning when I had the ERPC.

We lost our baby at 15+2

I was already off sick (prob stress) so I ended up having 2 weeks then 2 weeks leave. I have only just stopped bleeding and now a banging headache.

First day back at work today, I thought I was getting stronger, today I feel so weak, i don’t want to be at work, around people at all but without my husband being on my own makes me sad too.

I feel like such a wimp as people seem to go back to work so quickly but then again it’s only 3 weeks and I feel poo!

Bellabells1111 Tue 17-Apr-18 13:13:45

I lost my baby at 8 weeks a few months ago. I go through stages of having bad and good days. I'm so sorry for your loss, I really know how you feel. It's heartbreaking and is something I think about everyday still. Take as much time as you need to grieve. Sending hugs x

Anjelique Tue 17-Apr-18 22:26:11

@coffeekittens
I empathize with you. I too had a missed miscarriage on March 23rd.
March 5th I had a gush of mocha colored discharge followed by 3 weeks of nothing. I didn't worry too much because I had been bleeding my entire pregnancy and our angel was fine heartbeat was 123bpm. But, afterwards I just felt, almost like an intuition that something was wrong. So, after bugging my OB countless times, she agreed to do my 3 month scan 2 weeks early. It was discovered on that scan that our baby had died. It had no heartbeat, and had stopped growing at 8+1 and I was supposed to be 12+2. I still had all my pregnancy symptoms and even my belly was growing. It was torture knowing that not only had I lost my first child (after 2 years TTC), but that I was carrying their body inside me for 3 weeks and had no idea. My OB gave me 3 options: D&C, a medication, or have it happen naturally. I never had the chance to decide because I ended up miscarrying naturally a few hours later. I am here for you if you need to talk.
XOXO

coffeekittens Wed 18-Apr-18 06:06:45

Thank you all so much for the reassurance and I’m so sorry for your losses it’s heartbreaking flowers

I’ve got a hospital appointment today just to confirm that my baby’s heart stopped, I’m dreading it. I keep waking up and forgetting that it’s happened then after being awake for a few seconds it hits me sad

I don’t know how to mention posters so flowers flowers for you all, you’re all so brave and thank you again for taking the time to respond.

OP’s posts: |
RedRobin7 Thu 19-Apr-18 21:45:14

@coffeekittens Have been thinking about you. Hope you have the support you need to get through this traumatic time. It's one month for me tomorrow and I'm so surprised by how much stronger I am feeling already. I still think of my baby every day and I feel sad but I haven't cried for a while and I'm keeping busy which helps xx

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