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Termination - 23 weeks

(12 Posts)
moita Sat 27-Jan-18 20:42:36

This week we found out our little girl has major heart (and other problems). She is not compatible with life and we have decided to terminate.

I am beyond heartbroken. DH is normally the strong, silent type but he is devastated. Our 20 week scan revealed a possible problem. We were referred to GOSH who found out things were far, far worse than previously thought.

I feel so guilty as I was very unsure about this pregnancy: we have a non-sleeping 13 month old and family are far away. I didn't know how I was going to cope. Now I wish that'd been the only thing to worry about.

I've bought a little outfit, shawl and teddy for her.

Have spent today throwing up. I know I have to be strong for my son but I don't know how I'll get through this - how can I ever be happy after this?

The moment that kills me is remembering the delight on DH's face when we were told it was a girl. Then it all went horrible.

I can't see how we can cope?

OP’s posts: |
MagicFajita Sat 27-Jan-18 20:54:53

I'm so sorry for what you're going through @moita.

I didn't want to read and run as I've been through similar and while you may feel like you'll never laugh or be happy again , you will , in time.

We lost out daughter in 2016 in similar circumstances (spina bifida diagnoses at anomaly scan) so I can somewhat relate...the throwing up , the guilt. The joy of seeing your baby on the screen then hearing the heart breaking news. I'm sorry this is happening to you too , I really am.

I just wanted to offer a hand hold and if you have any questions about anything (nothing is too personal) , then please pm me.

You'll be in my thoughtsflowers

MamaDeeGee Sat 27-Jan-18 20:56:52

I am so sorry to hear this!
I havent been through it and im not sure how you will go on but i know your older child will help you recover but both be sure to take your grief at your own speed. Dont expect if one of you recovers a little faster or people tell you -you should be doing such and such by now - take it at your own speed! And also take care of yourselfs and eachother during this time xx

MrWasheeWashee Sat 27-Jan-18 20:57:48

I'm so sorry thanks

moita Sat 27-Jan-18 21:08:48

Thank you. It really helps to write it down. My DH is brilliant but I don't want to drag him down even further.

OP’s posts: |
Soubriquet Sat 27-Jan-18 21:10:05

I'm so sorry flowers

Jokat Sat 27-Jan-18 21:12:15

I'm so so sorry that you're going through this. It must be utterly horrendous sad

BeyondHope Sun 28-Jan-18 10:04:37

I'm so sorry to read this. I want you to know you aren't alone. I had to end my much much wanted pregnancy just after Christmas and it's heartbreaking. You will find the strength somewhere. You have to for your little boy, just like I have. Do you have a date for delivery? I am here if you want to talk. flowers

moita Sun 28-Jan-18 19:14:28

I'm so sorry Beyonehope - wouldn't wish this on anyone. Going in tomorrow. I'm scared but also just want to fast forward xx

OP’s posts: |
AnyFucker Sun 28-Jan-18 19:17:08

I am so sorry. All my best wishes for tomorrow x

BeyondHope Sun 28-Jan-18 19:24:34

Hope all goes well tomorrow moita. You will get through it. I hope you have lots of support.

MissTulipan Sun 28-Jan-18 22:24:36

I’m so sorry to read this. A similar situation happened to me about 9 years ago, major heart defect discovered at 22 week scan.

We also decided to terminate at about 24 weeks, it was heartbreaking, so very sad. I had another daughter who was 4 at the time. She helped keep us focused.

I remember thinking that I would never dance again and have fun with my friends. I was in my early 30s at the time.

I felt empty and sad for a while but slowly pulled through. I didn’t really feel guilty for terminating the pregnancy just really sad. I felt very inadequate afterwards. My husband and I were strong together though. The whole situation made me more humble about life and those around me. I had a piece of jewellery engraved with her name (we decided to give her a name) I wear this item everyday and it brings me comfort.

You will find a way through tomorrow.

All these years on I still believe I made the right decision.

Sending love for tomorrow x

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