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Miscarriage or not ?

(3 Posts)
Icklemissme123 Sat 30-Dec-17 09:17:59

I want to know other people's experiences, thoughts and opinions. I've never joined a site like this so excuse me if I'm doing it wrong I just need some answers some clarity.

I found out I was pregnant in November on a Thursday morning there was a faint line on the clear blue cross I was delighted but shocked I've been with my fiance for 4 years and though not trying the past year we agreed what happens happens and that we both would like children. I took 2 more ad there was a pack of three i couldn't help it but be amazed as I had thought since it never happend earlier that getting pregnant was near impossible. I took them over my shift at work 11 hours and each one the line got stronger. I was so happy I should mention I was 12 days late at this point i have a app called clue and Flo which I use to monitor my ovulation dates to see when is the best chance cause although my partner is happy and chilled out of like to make sure we have a chance trying to conceive. On the Friday before work I bought 2 packs of first respone asda own and a middle one I can't remember the name it wasn't cheap and it wasn't expensive my partner was away working so I want to my mother's after work and done three of the tests. They all had the lines I was just confirming to myself I was actually pregnant. My mother was just as happy but I wanted to know how far along I was so Friday night before work I went and got a pack of two clear blue the digital ones that tell you how far along you are. I took it and it said 1-2 weeks so very early on but I was so happy thinking and planning a new life for my family to be my partner was finally getting a higher paid job with my brother so I could be at home around 6 months my mother had already bought some things I know a bit eager but I'm her only daughter and my brothers wifes aren't close to my mother so she doesn't get to see them as often as she would like. Saturday came past and Sunday was really bad I work in a busy shop and carrying is just a duty I have cause I'm tall I can reach up places I had to carry alot that day and remember feeling nervous and telling my boss and co-worker when carting three crates of canned coke I felt like something in my stomach dropped and have a stitch in my right hand side. It stayed with me throughout my shift being worried when I finished I took the other clear blue digital and it came back 1-2 weeks so thought nothing of it. On Monday though I woke up early with a bad pain in my back from over carrying and the stitch in my side but I never thought much of it after all the test confirmed to me I was still pregnant. My partner came back and I wanted to give him the clear blue so around 6pm to get a test to show him in person as his last partner lied about being pregnant I wanted to erasure him but taking the test it said not pregnant I couldn't fathom it. What is happening ? I should mention it spotted on the Sunday but when googling it did say it was normal. I took the other and it said not by this time I was crying and panicking and my partner was asking what's wrong I showed him the test and he started to cry too I refused to believe it so grabbing my coat I went and spent 50 something pound chasing this dream tried every test a hour between each each saying no. Worried I rang up a helpline who suggested I go to a and e. Arriving there felt surreal. I gave a pee sample and there was no trace of the hCG. The nurse I saw prodded my tummy and this is what gets me she says I was never pregnant in her opinion. Sometimes woman have hCg and the pregnancy test can pick it up she was cold and unconcerned I tried to protest with how many tests I took in total I took 11 while checking from the Thursday till Sunday and they all had it and the lines were bold. She said that I might of bought a dodgey pack but I bought different brands and I still have the photos on my phone I can't delete them even though it hurts to see them it shows me I was. I refuse to believe that this is the case how can every test be a lie ? A malfunction on every pregnancy test ? In the early hours after coming back (this is A bit too much information) but I felt like I needed to see so when I went to see after wiping there was just a clot of blood my "period" began and I cried I just let it all out my partner was deverstated I somehow thought these tests are wrong what I'm hearing is wrong. After 2 days of sulking I saw it was affecting my partner more than me he was beside himself and wouldn't go to work or eat I know it was early days but when pregnant do you ever just see it as a bunch of cells ? As not a child or a human yet ? I decided to play along saying the doctor was right to him saying she was a professional and so on lying to him and trying to fool myself he beloved it after a while and it hasn't bothered him since but me it has really damaged me.

All I think about is what if and why I try and stay positive but this has put me off trying again I think I need time to recover. I tried to look for things to blame like maybe the carrying done it maybe I was too excited ? Maybe I laughed too hard.

I know I'm blabbering and I'm sorry it's the first time I've been able to be honest with myself rather than fake a smile and say I'm fine and the nurse was right I do not believe for a minute she was right.

I'd like to know if I'm crazy but surely so many tests can't lie ? They all coudlnt agree and to be 12 days late with the positive line getting stronger. Can your body produce enough hCG TO be detected over so many days without being pregnant? The nurse was so cold it bothers me alot that she wouldn't acknowledge the pregnancy I don't know I feel lost can you please she'd some light ? Opinion ? Has this happend to anyone else ? Thank you x

OP’s posts: |
running3 Tue 02-Jan-18 21:29:17

Hi, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't know about the levels etc but I would've thought all those tests were right and you were pregnant. I miscarried 3 weeks ago and the pregnancy test remained positive but blood tests showed minimal traces of whatever hormones they check (could have been hcg, I can't remember what the Doctor said now). Maybe the levels reduce more quickly in earlier pregnancy? I was a similar time along to you. Also sorry to be graphic but I had clots/tissue rather than anything resembling my little baby. The doctor said at that stage of pregnancy the embryo is only about 2mm, so easily missed/not identified.
It's such an upsetting and emotionally painful thing to go through and it's important to take time to grieve. I hope you're ok xx

running3 Tue 02-Jan-18 21:30:37

Also please don't blame yourself, it's nothing you did. I think the majority of the time miscarriage is due to cells not developing properly. Mother Nature doing her job I guess...

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