I lost my daughter at 20 weeks when I was away visiting relatives (5 hour drive). I feel empty. Angry. Guilty. Devastated. The labour was horrific. Knowing she wouldn't make it, the placenta tearing, the dr having to manually scrape what he could out without any pain relief in an attempt to avoid going to theatre. Only getting to hold my daughter once she was cold due to the above. Having to decide about post mortem within a few hours. Having to leave my daughter at the hospital for the post Mortem. The Funeral directors in London being reluctant to collect her (in January) from where post mortem is being undertaken despite being more than willing to pay.
I just feel completely broken and want her back. I'm replaying what happened constantly and wondering if there is anything I could have done.
The rational part of me says no and that I need to wait for the results. That part of me however outweighed by the rest of me. It took us so long to even get pregnant (5 years due to fertility issues) - she would have been our first child. I don't know if we can, or will get pregnant again and even if we do god only knows how I will cope.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting but I suppose I'd like to know (a) if it gets better; (b) how long people waited before trying again.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Late miscarriage
14 replies
lost55 · 04/12/2017 00:02
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