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Miscarriage at 18 weeks

(26 Posts)
SSF8 Fri 17-Nov-17 23:30:59

I lost my baby girl 2 weeks ago at 18 weeks.
Don’t even know where to start.... grief is a weird thing. I’m torn right now between grieving for my baby girl who I gave birth to 2 weeks ago, and desperately wanting to be pregnant again. I am so desperate for another baby that I keep pushing the heartache to the back of my mind and focusing on the future, but I know some day soon everything will get too much and I’ll combust. Nobody close to me seems to understand how I’m feeling. I think my other half is holding it together for me and me and my daughter. And everyone else thinks I’m being dramatic because I’ve asked for another 4 weeks off work.
Please tell me this gets easier and I will feel human again soon!!!

BearFoxBear Fri 17-Nov-17 23:34:50

I'm so, so sorry SSF8, I really am. I can't begin to understand what you're going through but I want to offer a handhold if nothing else.

Take the time you need. Contact Sands. Look after yourself flowers

SSF8 Fri 17-Nov-17 23:36:37

Thankyou. The hospital gave me the sands information pack which I will read when I’m ready. I think miscarriage at 18 weeks is underestimated as my baby girl was fully formed and looked very much like a baby, but will never be recognised as one!

TheVanguardSix Fri 17-Nov-17 23:38:55

It's just awful. I am so sad for you.
I was in your shoes 6 years ago. I understand your feelings completely.

Yes, reach out for support. Sands has been mentioned already but I just wanted to echo that suggestion.

Esker Fri 17-Nov-17 23:40:17

I am so so sorry for what you are going through. Take care of yourself. I hope you have some good support around you, and people to talk to, if you feel like talking flowersflowers

BearFoxBear Fri 17-Nov-17 23:40:21

It'll take time to get your head around even reading the pack, no doubt. She is your beautiful baby girl and that is indisputable.

lost55 Fri 17-Nov-17 23:42:55

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. It is devastating. Your post resonates so strongly with me - I lost my daughter at 20 weeks 10 days ago and am utterly heartbroken but completely understand and relate to everything you have said. I truly hope it gets better soon.

SSF8 Fri 17-Nov-17 23:43:51

Thankyou everyone for your kind words. Even reading stuff from people you don’t know tugs on the heart strings and makes me realise I’m not on my own xx

BearFoxBear Fri 17-Nov-17 23:44:31

lost55 I'm so sorry that you're going through this too, my heart goes out to both of you flowers

OvertheSargassoSea Fri 17-Nov-17 23:45:01

I lost my twins Im so numb can't process atm. Finally stopped bleeding but need another test to be sure . Can't cry just coping. I understand about wanting to be pregnant again x

SSF8 Fri 17-Nov-17 23:45:14

Lost55 we are not alone. We have so much support. And if you want to talk directly just holla and I’ll pass on my email x

SSF8 Fri 17-Nov-17 23:47:01

Over the. I think the feeling of being pregnant over takes the grief because you just long to feel that movement inside you again. We just need to make sure we are physically and emotionally ready before we embark on another pregnancy

CouldntCatchACold Fri 17-Nov-17 23:47:58

It's such an unexplainable feeling, there are a million things you are trying to process. It's the loneliest place in the world, even with the best support network. But it will get easier. Take it day by day, hour by hour. There's no right or wrong way to feel 💐
I'm very sorry that you lost your baby girl.
I lost my twins at 23 weeks 6 months ago, and I'm now 8 weeks with a new pregnancy.
I don't think it's made things "better", the two things are now existing side by side.
I still feel as though I'm just getting through the days, but time really has helped. Be gentle on yourself xx

OvertheSargassoSea Fri 17-Nov-17 23:50:51

When did they say it's safe to try again? Lots of conflicting advice? Do you have any dc? X

SSF8 Fri 17-Nov-17 23:52:16

Couldntcatchacold. I feel for you I really do. I think the next pregnant is hard because you constantly think about what happened previouslys and you sit and wait to pass the date you lost your sleeping baby/babies. I think this is the hardest time. I lost my last pregnant at 5 weeks, then this time I longed to get past 5 weeks which seemed to take forever. Now next time I know I need to get to 18 weeks before any anxiety disappears. Nature is such a cruel thing x

SSF8 Fri 17-Nov-17 23:54:07

I have 1 daughter who I had when I was 16 (10 year ago) I haven’t yet had the meeting with the consultant to discuss when is save to TTC again. We are waiting for the baby’s post-mortem results to come back before we meet with him. But I’m hoping he says as soon as possible x

OvertheSargassoSea Fri 17-Nov-17 23:57:34

This is my second miscarriage ttc second. So don't have any tests obviously. A week today seems unreal. Have to go back for more blood tests but never gave me any advice!

CouldntCatchACold Fri 17-Nov-17 23:58:25

I'm not really thinking about the fact that I'm pregnant at the moment, I want to skip this bit!
It's perfectly natural you want to have another baby now, you've been robbed of what you should have had, I was exactly the same.
I don't think it's easy one month or one year later, the anxiety will always be there.
But take a bit of time for you, you'll feel loads of different feelings in the coming months. Grieve for your precious daughter, and build your strength back up physically and emotionally, one step at a time.

SSF8 Sat 18-Nov-17 00:35:42

Me and my other half are booking a weekend away for Christmas shopping. I think it will do us some good to have some child free time alone. I’ll be packing an unsexy nighty as part time contraception just incase!

SSF8 Sat 18-Nov-17 00:38:16

I think the hardest thing is that we had our 12 week scan and everything was good; so we announced.... family, then friends; then social media EVERYONE! now I have anxiety about bumping into the wrong people and have shut myself away at home for 2 weeks

CouldntCatchACold Sat 18-Nov-17 00:44:34

A break away sounds lovely, go with the flow smile

The school run was the absolute worst for me. It nearly tipped me over the edge. But in the end I realised that some people are just nosey and don't really care, I learned to tell those people to piss off in the nicest possible way.
Be selfish, think about yourself and your family and those close to you.
You're not a public possession and no one needs to know the ins and outs unless you want them to.

Floss89 Sat 18-Nov-17 14:42:58

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby girl at 18 weeks also in June. Have just gone through the due date it was very hard. I think it only fully hit me then. I'm feeling a bit better this month. From talking to a friend who went through it she said it does get easier with time so I'm clinging to that. I also feel people don't really get it, I guess I didn't either until it happened to me. Look after yourself x

OvertheSargassoSea Sat 18-Nov-17 14:54:51

It's been a week ago today since it started. I can't cry yet but I do want to x

OvertheSargassoSea Sat 18-Nov-17 14:57:11

It just seems surreal as the changes were only internal. No visible changes people can see x

rachsl8 Sun 19-Nov-17 13:52:46

so so sorry SSFS for your loss. I lost my baby at 13 weeks very recently so whilst earlier than you I can still relate to all that you have said.
I wouldn't feel bad about needing more time as you need to grieve in your own way. xx

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