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Struggling today with mums reaction

(5 Posts)
CuppaSarah Sun 12-Nov-17 07:42:16

I had an early miscarriage a few weeks ago. It all happened very quickly, I discovered I was pregnant unexpectedly. I had a couple days getting my head around it, then I started bleeding.

I told my parents about it as I needed support. At first my mum was supportive and understanding. But on Friday me and toddler ds were unwell and struggling. Then my mum comes out with the gem:

"it's a good thing you lost the other one, you'd never cope with another. I'm so glad it worked out"

I was having an awful day, I was so happy and grateful to have her there, I never lean on her and the one time I trust her enough to let her see me having a tough day. Then she says that and now I'm back to feeling horrible about it all again. What would have been my beloved baby was just an inconvenience to everyone else. She's glad I lost it and that hurts so much. I'm not sure why I'm posting, I just need to write this down.

beyondworriedmum Sun 12-Nov-17 08:09:02

Oh Cuppa what an awful thing for your mum to say!! You have suffered the loss of a baby and are grieving that loss! Big hugs be kind to yourself I think miscarriage is so misunderstood by so many people! Take care OP 💐xx

AnnieHoo Sun 12-Nov-17 08:39:57

Oh cuppa I’m so sorry flowers. It is so hard coping with miscarriage as it is, you don’t need insensitive comments like that from your mother. Seems quite cruel and begrudging to me. Some people are so selfish they can’t give you the empathy you deserve when you need it most, all you needed in that moment was understanding. I have a friend like that who is crap at empathy and would try to get me to snap out of it after a miscarriage, she is well meaning, just can’t cope herself with me being in emotional pain. You keep going as you are, take as long as you need to fully grieve for your loss.

CuppaSarah Sun 12-Nov-17 10:39:57

Thank you for your lovely replies, they really do help. My mum was on great form yesterday, claiming either something was wrong with ds or I was a bad parent as my nearly two year old son 'is moving all the time and it's just not right' also that my four year old daughter is hard work, which yes she used to be hard work because she was a very little girl, who partially due to my mother, went through some very difficult circumstances. Now she's older and a very easy, sweet and gentle little girl. She's not perfect, but she's an utter joy and very well behaved.

But she shows the value of her opinions in regards to my beautiful children, in just how inaccurate they are. Plus the fact she'll call them difficult in front of them. It's only better for her I miscarried, she's just projecting. Thank you for helping me realize that.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sun 12-Nov-17 14:22:14

I would be keeping my distance. You don't need her around you right now.

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