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Should I tell my ex I miscarried?

(4 Posts)
Jm2108 Tue 07-Nov-17 17:16:45

I found out I miscarried last week at around 7 weeks. I’m on the patch so wasn’t aware I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. I feel incredibly guilty that I haven’t told him as I think it’s something he’d want to know. But then I know there’s nothing to gain by telling him. I haven’t told anyone as I feel ashamed I didn’t know and I feel silly for being upset over losing something I didn’t know I had.
In my heart I know I want to tell him but I can’t face doing it face-to-face but I know via text isn’t fair on him. What should I do?

Wellthatwasembarassing Tue 07-Nov-17 17:20:41

flowers

I personally would tell him if you think he'd want to know this. Maybe ask for a quick chat over coffee or similar.
You don't need to feel ashamed but you know that. Take some time to make yourself feel better and focus on what you need and talk to someone you can trust too.
Just because a pregnancy isn't planned doesn't mean it isn't wanted.
You'll still be feeling grief amongst many other emotions.
Perhaps speak to an organisation that deals with helping women through miscarriages? They would know far better about what might help you.

JoWithABow Tue 07-Nov-17 17:32:29

So sorry for your loss, especially since it's coincided with your relationship breakdown.

I'd be inclined not to say anything. But it depends how supporting you think your Ex would be. If he's likely to say something crass and insensitive like 'it's for the best' or something then that might make you feel worse. Just thinking if you've broken up a baby may have added another whole layer to the situation and his initial reaction could be one of relief. However you know his personality and whether this is a possible reaction.

Also it's always tempting to contact an ex, so for me personally id resist as I don't think it would help with the moving on stage. Far better perhaps to confide in a trusted friend and talk through the loss with them

AnnM08 Sat 11-Nov-17 12:35:08

So sorry for your loss. Big hugs.

I think you should tell him. He has a right to know really x

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