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Missed miscarriage at 12.5 weeks, feeling empty and heartbroken

(55 Posts)
eatingthoughts Sat 04-Nov-17 09:28:45

Hello to all mums out there, just need some advise and good words.
We had our first scan yesterday and it revealed that the baby has died at 9 weeks and i was supposed to be 13 weeks today. I didn't have any bleeding, nothing, my breasts are still sore and i can still feel all the other symptoms. For 4 weeks my body couldn't realise there's something wrong going and i think it's so cruel i have no words to describe it. My husband is really my rock and is so supportive i don't know what would i do without him. I don't know if someone could help me and answer few questions for me.
What option did you choose, medicated or surgical? I'm thinking about the surgical option but I'm scared of ga.
How long did it take you to get pregnant again and was it successful pregnancy to term?
We already have a 3 year old that's why it's so hard to believe it's all happening, she's my world, the smartest girl I've ever known.
I'm sending my love and strong healthy baby dusts to all mommies who are going through the same pain, i know how raw and devastating it is, we need to stay strong somehow ❤

HughLauriesStubble Sat 04-Nov-17 09:30:18

flowers op couldn't read and run. I am so sorry for your loss. Hopefully someone will be along be some better advice for you soon.

coastalchick Sat 04-Nov-17 13:23:28

so so sorry for your loss. I had a MMC at 10 weeks (baby had died shortly after 6) which showed itself through a small amount of bleeding. I opted for medical management which was horrid but felt it had lower risks of damage that surgery.

Not yet pregnant again but this only happened end august so we've only tried once since then.

Just to say, I know how you feel. x

MadeForThis Sat 04-Nov-17 14:05:39

I had a mmc at 11 weeks. Although I was alerted to something being wrong by a few drops of blood. A scan showed the baby had died at about 8 weeks.

I wanted surgical but the earliest appointment I could get was 10 days later. It happened naturally 3 days later. Pain was bearable. Really sore for a couple of hours but mostly like bad period pains.

I fell pregnant with DD 9 months later. We were too raw to try for the first few months. Felt better with some time to accept what had happened rather than jumping in to getting pregnant again. Although most days that's all I wanted to be.

Now 33 weeks with no2

It's such a devastating experience. But it does become easier through time. For me it was the shock of still feeling pregnant even though the baby hadn't survived. It made me very cautious and paranoid of something going wrong in next pregnancy although thankfully everything was fine.

So sorry for your loss

eatingthoughts Sat 04-Nov-17 14:36:56

Thank you all for you replies.
The worst thing is that we saw a very strong heartbeat at 7 weeks so i was just thinking that this pregnancy will be as normal as the first one. And i was hoping to see my blob wriggling and moving around in her little house and then the nurse asked me about my dates and then she said she couldn't see the heartbeat. My husband asked for second opinion and the other nurse just confirmed everything. I was in shock and couldn't even cry as i didn't understand what's going on and if it's really happening. Now i can't stop crying. All i want is to be over and done with all this horrible situation and pain, as knowing that my dead baby is still inside of me with no signs of bleeding makes it so much worse. I just want to recover and ttc again. As soon as we can, i don't even think I'll wait for my first period as i really think only a healthy pregnancy will heal us both.
I wonder if i have more chances to have a healthy pregnancy now or another miscarriage? There's so many questions i wish i could have all the answers 😞

18mnthsandcounting Sat 04-Nov-17 15:03:54

Hi I’ve also had a mmc at the end of June baby died at 6 weeks I was 9 weeks at my scan, absolutely devastating so I know how you feel 🙁 I had my first period 27th September so waited for that before trying to conceive am now pregnant again, 5 weeks but cannot enjoy pregnancy as I’m too scared it will happen again. Been trying to conceive first baby for 2 1/2 years also.

passthebleach Sat 04-Nov-17 15:19:09

So sorry for your loss OP. I had a mmc at 10 weeks although the baby died around 6 weeks. I miscarried naturally and it was no more painful than a period. I just sat on the loo for quite a while with something to read and a hot water bottle. I used maternity pads and slept on a disposable changing mat. It took around 3 days for the sac to pass and after this the bleeding and pain lessened significantly. I was very tearful and upset. For me it was the last chance to have a baby but it wasn't to be. Stay strong OP. It sounds like you have good support from dh. I have heard that you can be very fertile following a mc and certainly many of my friends have fallen quickly after a loss. Take care flowers

passthebleach Sat 04-Nov-17 15:21:06

Sorry that was supposed to be flowers not gin!

eatingthoughts Sat 04-Nov-17 15:35:59

I'm sorry for your loss 18mnthsandcounting, i really hope you'll have a beautiful, successful healthy pregnancy, the waiting is the worse part🌷

ILovePandas Sat 04-Nov-17 15:38:28

Sorry to hear that OP. This was me at my 12 week scan with no bleeding or any idea that the baby had died at about 9 weeks. I opted for medical intervention and just felt numb for days. It had taken approx 2years to conceive so felt I would never have a baby. However I had one period and then got pregnant the next month! I struggled to enjoy the pregnancy as I was anxious that it would happen again but I did relax after the 20 week scan and all went well. I hope things work out for you too flowers

FjorGynAndHotWater Sat 04-Nov-17 15:41:45

I was the same as you, went for my dating scan at about 12.5 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I didnt have to choose how to deal with it as came away naturally the next day but there was so much blood it was awful sad
Happily though I got pregnant again almost straight away, less than three months definitely, and once I'd got past 12 weeks I did manage to relax and enjoy my pregnancy.

Good luck to all of you suffering this horrible thing and I hope it all works out ok soon xxx

eatingthoughts Sat 04-Nov-17 15:42:03

passthebleach I'm so sorry for your loss and i know there's no words to describe it, it's just such an emptiness isn't. Why are you saying it was your last chance if you don't mind me asking? We fell pregnant one day after they took my copper coil out, i knew it's too good to be truth. The nurse told me i will be very fertile after the surgery, as we know we have no problems getting pregnant it's just a matter of growing a healthy baby. Have your friends had successful pregnancies? Have some flowers... 🌼🌼🌼

eatingthoughts Sat 04-Nov-17 15:51:47

FjorGynAndHotWater and ILovePandas i'm sorry for you loss and i'm really pleased that all turned out well for you both, can really see there's some hope for all of us, just the waiting game is the worse. 💐 I wish it would all go naturally but there's no signs of anything happening at all.

JCleRoux Sat 04-Nov-17 15:55:18

I'm so sorry for your loss OP flowers. I opted for a surgical when I had an MMC as I thought it would be the best option for me. I started bleeding at 10 weeks only to discover the baby didn't make it past 6.5 weeks. For a few weeks after that I was just an incosolable mess. I didn't fall pregnant again until 6 months later. I would say ke gentle and kind to yourself. Take as much time as you need to heal from this. We are all different and I know loads of people who were ready to TTC almost immediately.

SpunBodgeSquarepants Sat 04-Nov-17 15:59:17

Hi eatingthoughts, I had a mmc earlier this year so I know how much it hurts, and how angry you feel at your own body for getting everything so wrong.
I was 9.5 weeks when I started getting some light spotting. This had happened with my first pregnancy which was successful so I wasn't worried too much, but went off to the EPU just to check. I had a 6+3 foetus with no heartbeat. I chose to wait to miscarry naturally but I got to 17 weeks and still had nothing more than very light spotting, so opted for surgical management. To be honest, i should have done this straight away, it was so quick and easy and painfree, it got my head in the right place to 'get over it' and move on. I went into hospital at 7am, down to theatre at 8 and was discharged at 1pm. I had no pain at all afterwards and spotting for two days, then my period came bang on time 35 days later.

Janek Sat 04-Nov-17 16:03:25

I went for my 12 week scan to be told there were two sacs, but no baby. I had to wait a week and be scanned again just to make sure my dates weren't wrong (although i knew they weren't) then opted for surgical management - i just wanted it over with asap. I was scared of the GA as well - it's the only one i've ever had, but of course it was fine.

I waited for my next period and then got pregnant and the baby is 9 on Monday. The only thing I would say about having another baby so quickly was that I spent 12 out of 14 months pregnant - i found the pregnancy really hard-going and this might have been why (or it might have been hard anyway...).

Sorry you're going through this.

eatingthoughts Sat 04-Nov-17 20:35:15

Thank you all you beautiful strong woman for your replies and your support. You all have gone through the same thing and i can only say I'm sorry for all your pain as it's the worst pain you can ever imagine. I'm still thinking which option I'm going for i just want it to be over asap so i can move on towards normal life. Hopefully in about 40 weeks or so I'll open a new thread with some awesome news about healthy pregnancy and healthy bubs. I'm sending my love and healthy pregnancy dusts to you all ❤

Lcal25 Sat 04-Nov-17 21:18:15

I’m going through this right now too. It’s horrible. I also opted for natural as weird as it sounds although my baby had been dead inside of me for four weeks I wanted to keep it. I kept having hot baths and hot water bottles because I was getting a lot of pains and then it started to happen.
I wish you all the best 🌼🌼

Callamia Sat 04-Nov-17 21:27:16

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s so sad and horrible.

I had a miscarriage last year that started at 12 weeks. The whole thing was painless and lasted over a few days. It was clear that the baby was no more than about 9wks.

I now have a 3m old on my knee (and a 4yr old next to me). I got pregnant again after about five months (we didn’t really try again immediately).

I realised that so many of my friends had experience of miscarriage, and that a single miscarriage is common and unlikely to be a sign that future pregnancies won’t be well.

I hope you’re getting lots of support and love, and rest.

passthebleach Sat 04-Nov-17 23:07:14

Thank you eatingthoughts, I described it as my last chance because at age 43 we had given up hope of conceiving, but were overjoyed to get a positive test sadly it wasn't to be and we decided not to try again after the mmc. I have accepted it but even 12 months on it is still very raw. My friend miscarried aged 28 and conceived again the following month her son is now 17. Same for many more of my friends. It is desperately sad but try not to lose hope. Take care and br kind to yourself, I'm sure you will have some wonderful news soon.

ThisLittleWOL Sun 05-Nov-17 08:37:52

Hello, eatingthoughts, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've been in the exact same situation just this past week. We saw a heartbeat at 7 weeks so had started to think all would be ok, but then booked in for another private scan at 10 weeks and there was no heartbeat. The lady said it was measuring about 8weeks. I don't know about you but I can't get her voice out of my head saying "I'm so sorry, but there's no heartbeat" over and over again. That and the look of pure sadness on my husband's face as they looked at the screen, trying to find something will probably stay with me for a while.
Anyway I wanted to post and let you know that I opted for the ERPC and for me it was exactly the right decision, as once I knew, I just wanted everything over with. I'd had the first scan on Wednesday, went to the EPU on Thursday where they re-scanned me to confirm, and I was booked in for the procedure on Friday. Apart from the absolute grim-ness of the situation itself, which is utterly rubbish, the actual experience of going in and having the operation was completely fine. In a way, I found it quite restful, and interesting as I'd never been to hospital before! I got there at 7am, was in theatre by 10 and on my way home by 2pm. The general anaesthetic was actually lovely, I was out for the count and woke up when it was all over, under a warm blanket with someone bringing me a cup of tea. I do appreciate this won't be the same experience for everyone, but for me, the actual procedure was the least unpleasant bit of the whole experience, and the fact that the physical side is over (I'm not even bleeding really) means I can concentrate on getting my head straight. I also found it a good way of feeling like I had some control over situation where I'd previously been feeling totally powerless.
I understand exactly how you're feeling and I am here if you have any questions I can help with. Do look after yourself, it is really such a horrible feeling x

eatingthoughts Sun 05-Nov-17 09:20:48

passthenleach I'm sorry you couldn't have the miracle you wanted, i am just so sorry. I woke up this morning at 6 am as i couldn't sleep and found myself crying again. I just want it to be over so i can move on. I think it will always be raw no matter what as they are our unborn babies. All my love to you and thank you for your kind words ❤

eatingthoughts Sun 05-Nov-17 09:30:26

ThisLittleWOL i know exactly what you mean, i couldn't believe it either and was laying there looking at an empty screen after the second nurse told us the baby didn't make it. Then after few hours of shock it hit me hard and I'm constantly crying second day in a row. My beautiful toddler is looking at me and can't stop asking if I'm ok and I'm trying to pretend i am although i know she understands everything. I'm sorry for your pain, you're still going through it, bless your soul, such a dark horrible days. We need some sunshine, i hope it will come soon. Are you gonna start trying for another one or will you give some time to heal emotionally? I am extremely scared of death and that's why GA scares me so much as I'm afraid I'm not gonna wake up. I know it's silly but i think that's just part of my health anxiety. Stay strong, we'll do it some how, c'mon we're woman aren't we 🌷🌷🌷

ThisLittleWOL Sun 05-Nov-17 10:44:05

Thank you for your lovely words, we're a right pair aren't we? I cried all day Wednesday and most of Thursday, and by Friday I was only crying when ppl were nice to me (which tbh was quite a lot since everyone was lovely at the hospital). I don't think there's a set time to stop, we know it will get better with time, because everything always does. It doesn't help right now though! It's not silly about the GA at all, you need to do what's right for you. I will say that I felt completely safe with all those bright young things fussing around me with their medical degrees - it actually felt quite nice to put myself in someone else's hands and let them do the worrying for a bit.
We will try again v soon, although this was my first so I'm pretty apprehensive tbh. I think what I'll do is have a lovely, shiny, sparkly Christmas full of paté and Brie and expensive wine, and then see what the new year has in store smile
We can totally do it. Sending love and strength to you xx

INeedNewShoes Sun 05-Nov-17 10:53:06

So sorry for your loss OP. It's an awful thing to go through.

I had a MMC discovered just shy of 12 weeks in May 2016. Like you, there had been a good heartbeat at 7+5.

But the positive bit of the story is that less than a year later I gave birth to my healthy baby girl.

I was conceiving with fertility treatment so had I been conceiving naturally it could have been even sooner.

I don't know whether this sounds trite but my previous loss means that I feel so grateful for my little girl that even on the toughest days of being a mum to a newborn I felt so lucky to have her at all that it really carries me through.

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