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In my position, would you just try again?

(9 Posts)
SchnitzelVonCrummsTum Tue 26-Sep-17 17:34:53

I should start by saying I know that I am lucky to be in the position that I am, with living children. I know how it feels to have losses and no children at all, and I get that the feelings are just not the same.

My question to you is: in my position, would you TTC again or hold off and try to get some recurrent miscarriage testing done?

I'm 34. Pregnancy history:

Missed miscarriage (10 weeks)
Miscarriage (6 weeks)
Miscarriage (7 weeks)
Three successful pregnancies
Missed miscarriage (7 weeks)

When I went for my D&C this weekend, the ST2 (junior doc) whom I saw was very dismissive of the idea of the need for any testing. Yet other medics have been reasonably concerned by my history, particularly given that all 3 successful pregnancies were complicated (intrauterine growth restriction, pre-eclampsia, prematurity).

My GP and my DH (another bl**dy doctor!) both think we should just roll the dice and TTC again as soon as possible. I'm not so sure and I'm scared of having to go through 3 or more losses again. What would you do?

MagicFajita Tue 26-Sep-17 17:39:06

I think what it comes down to op is what YOU are comfortable with. If you want further investigation rather than trying again without answers then that has to be the way to go.

Your body has suffered these losses and complications so I feel it has to be your choice.

MissHavishamsleftdaffodil Tue 26-Sep-17 17:53:29

Its so easy for someone else to say 'try again'. A friend handled five mcs in a row and kept trying. I was done after three, I knew I couldn't suck up another loss.

As Magic says, its what you're comfortable with. You're scared. Justifiably so. If you're not ready or willing to take another chance without more information then listen to yourself.

TheRollingCrone Tue 26-Sep-17 17:56:19

I'm so sorry for your losses. I was reading a really interesting thread on here about a "womb scratch" sorry I can't do the link thing. But please search /Google it; I'm sure you'll find it interesting. And best wishes for the future

FourForYouGlenCoco Tue 26-Sep-17 22:57:15

Gosh, you've been through the mill, you poor thing flowers
I agree with everyone else tbh - ultimately it has to be your decision. It really depends on how you feel and what you want.
My history isn't a million miles off yours, and after all my miscarriages I just desperately wanted to be pregnant again. But we recently decided to try for another and I did think that if a pregnancy didn't work out, we'd have to take a break for a while - I don't think my mental state could have coped with trying straight after a mc this time around. So I can totally see why people wait for a while, get themselves into a better place before they put themselves through it all again.

Would private testing be an option? Even just a few basic tests? It might help you feel more reassured to try again. But - I know it's a huge cliche, but some people do just have really fucking bad luck. I've had 2MMC and a MC and it's nothing to do with age (was v young for the first one!), health, or anything else. It's just shit luck. And unfortunately it's basically impossible to know if that's the case or if it's something else.
I know I've been totally non-committal, but there isn't really a right answer, just the answer that's right for you. Keep talking to your DH, look after yourself, and listen to your instinct as to what to do next. Best of luck whatever you decide flowers

Blueberrysandgrapes76 Tue 26-Sep-17 23:00:28

I would certainly go for testing but I would probably try at the same time.

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses.

Rhynswynd Tue 26-Sep-17 23:22:23

I am in a similar position.
I have 3 children aged 18, 7 and 2.
Since 2 year old was born I have had 4 miscarriages. 3 were MMC at around 11-12 weeks. 4th was at 5 weeks. I have been devastated. My Dr seemed completely unfazed which has royally pissed me off.
I started to think about giving up totally as I am 38 but we had sex one more time (literally) and I got pregnant. 6 months along now and due at Christmas.
I have been an absolute nervous wreck for the past 6 months and didn't think I could make it through to 20 week scan without dying from the anxiety. (I can be quite dramatic)

I can't advise you to just go for it or not. I wanted to share my story with you to try to help a little. If I had lost this baby I dont know how my mind and marriage would have coped. So bear in mind that either way you choose it can be hard mentally.

One thing I hated my Dr for was him saying that I needed no testing and not to worry and just try again. A little compassion goes a long way from those in charge of our healthcare.

Whatever you decide, know that there are many of us who have been through the same thing and are here to support you and lend an ear. flowersflowersflowers

SchnitzelVonCrummsTum Tue 26-Sep-17 23:31:03

Thank you all so much for your responses. You've validated that it's a very hard decision to make, which is helpful in itself!

My mind seems to swing from one position to another within the same day. I'm an academic so I keep seeking out more and more research papers about various causes and treatments, and I don't think it's bringing me any closer to a decision - possibly the opposite.

We can afford a small amount of private testing, so I think that might be the route to go down for some peace of mind (or not!). The endometrial biopsy mentioned by @TheRollingCrone is certainly tempting - I started a thread about the (related) super-fertility hypothesis on this board the other day. I have a private appointment with Raj Rai at the end of October but in two minds about keep it because the price list for the various tests is terrifying. I think I generally prefer the Coventry approach to RMC: a combination of heparin, prednisolone and progesterone, and a lot more affordable. Rai etc. don't really 'do' natural killer cells.

@FourForYouGlenCoco I'm sorry that our histories are so similar. Like you, my early losses were in my early twenties, which made them all the more maddening. If someone could guarantee to me that it was just shitty luck, nothing more, nothing less, then I think I could bear some more losses until we got one that stuck. But then I think - I'm 34. At a rate of 3 losses per year, and about 5 more years left to try in ... when would we say stop? When would I have had too much? Would my job and marriage survive? That kind of catastrophic thinking is really unhelpful but it seems almost unavoidable after the catastrophic has already happened...

SchnitzelVonCrummsTum Tue 26-Sep-17 23:33:39

@Rhynswynd - sorry, we cross-posted. Thank you for sharing your story. Congratulations and well done for surviving the utter madness and fear of pregnancy after multiple miscarriages ...

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