My miscarriage

[Katiekiara]

Hi, I recently went through a miscarriage- officially found out yesterday at the hospital-and I'm finding it really difficult to cope. My mind keeps wandering off and hoping that the doctors are wrong and that there is a baby in there. I've had heavy bleeding which I've convinced myself can be normal and there still can be a chance of my baby making it. I know it's stupid but my brain can't seem to accept that my little baby has gone. My partner has been so supportive however he seems to get over things faster, or just not speak about them. The whole thing just seems to surreal, I just need someone to speak to who can relate on some level. My friends -have tried their best- but just said all the wrong things to me such as "at least it wasn't bigger" or "maybe it's for the best", I can't currrently look at this as a positive thing, I lost my baby. Please help x

[Katiekiara]

Loss of my baby

[Imnotaslimjim]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Pregnancy loss is so hard to accept, especially in the early stages as you'll still have all the hormones from the pregnancy.

I lost 6 before I got my two beautiful miracles. All I can suggest is be kind to yourself, don't expect a lot from yourself in these early days.

[whatnamenow2017]

I'm so sorry for your loss, you are grieving and need to allow yourself time to recover both physically and emotionally. I've been through the same on numerous occasions, the first time I too couldn't believe that the scan was right and if I waited a few more weeks (missed miscarriage) then it would grow and be ok. On subsequent occasions I also think I went back to work etc too soon - once you're back I felt that was it and I couldn't then take more time off as I should be over it - in reality I actually found 2-3 weeks later was worse. But - it does get better and you accept that something was wrong. People can be so insensitive if they haven't been through it - it doesn't matter how many weeks along you were it was still your baby and you had started thinking about your future together.
I think most hospitals with maternity units have support groups for miscarriage. I never went to any as I was lucky (or unlucky) to have close friends who had been through the same who I could talk to - but they would be worth looking into to get some support from people who understand.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself, go to bed, watch films, eat comfort food and allow yourself time to recover.

[Katiekiara]

Thankyou:( I think one of the ways my mind would get through this is potentially to try again, however my partner doesn't seem to want to. The pregnancy was unplanned but that doesn't mean it was unwanted. He's saying he wants to wait until we are ready, which I understand however I already prepared myself to be a mum, and that opportunity was taken away from me, now I just feel a piece of me is missing :(

[Katiekiara]

Update- had a bath last night and TMI- a lot of clotting and what I believe seemed to be some kind of tissue from baby. Very distressing, feel it has taken me steps backwards emotionally. Took pregnancy test- negative. I guess the road to recovery begins now x

[Imnotaslimjim]

So sorry katie that must have been awful to see. Don't expect much from yourself over the coming days, give yourself time to come to terms with the loss.

[Hopefulinbalham]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had a miscarriage on Monday so I understand how you are feeling. It's really difficult with friends as I just don't think people understand unless they've been through it. One of mine said 'I figured you were pregnant. You were glowing' after I told her. I too kept hoping that perhaps I was pregnant with twins and at least one of them would be ok, rather than fully accept it. Grieving is a process which has a number of stages to it (acceptance is one of them), and you just have to allow yourself to work through those stages at the pace you can cope with. We are thinking of buying some flowers and scattering them somewhere as a little private moment between us to say goodbye and I wonder if something like that might help in terms of closure? We haven't done it yet but might this weekend. For me, the physical symptoms have eased a little each day - the nausea has been awful this week, and that's helping. I am going to speak with a counsellor next week. I just can't rely on friends who haven't been through this, so maybe that's also worth considering too? x