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9 months after miscarriage

(3 Posts)
MeriWitch Sat 02-Sep-17 22:25:51

Hi... I'm not even sure what I'm about to type really so bare with me.
My due date is approaching and the closer it gets the harder I'm finding it.
I had an early miscarriage in January but it absolutely devastated me and my then partner... or so I thought it devastated him.
I dealt with the trauma and the grief alone, he didn't see me or speak to me for weeks until a month after when I found out he'd been cheating on me since the day after I began bleeding. We obviously split.
I think his behaviour contributed to how hard I found the loss.
I struggle constantly even saying congratulations to pregnant women which I know is awful of me.
Newborns make me cry & I can't help but talk about babies near constantly with my partner (we've been best friends for a decade, he picked me up from my lowest point and we became closer and closer until we found ourselves in a relationship)
We're extremely happy as a couple and we're actually moving in together in October. We've discussed babies but said wait a year or two ofcourse perhaps even more.
I have a 3 year old DS who absolutely loves babies. He's constantly talking about them too (clearly picked up on it from me)

Sorry for rambling.
I just need some advice on how to help the grieving process? I know it's not been too long so it still feels a little raw
Tbh the worst part is 2016 was horrific for me. last year I was forced into a termination I didn't want and then falling pregnant and finding out on the last day of 2016 that I was again pregnant was amazing news. Only to be ripped from me not long afterwards.
I tell myself it's karma for the termination and that I deserved it but my partner says it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't be kicking myself over it but I can't help it.
I feel so guilty. 😢

OP’s posts: |
Ekphrasis Sun 03-Sep-17 21:36:04

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think you could do with some counselling. Was your previous partner a little abusive? (You mentioned being forced to terminate). You could speak to the gp or self refer to talking therapies, except that it can take a while. Could you ring the miscarriage association? - they may have some suggestions about grieving counselling.

It sounds like you have some specific things you need to work through and get out. It might help to see each event as separate incidents too, mc is sadly very common. We also make choices based on our circumstances at the time, so try to forgive yourself. Hindsight is wonderful but not always that helpful.

Helbelle75 Sun 03-Sep-17 21:52:38

I had a mmc last year and it devastated me. I had counselling with cruse - recommended by my doctor - and it was extremely helpful. There just isn't enough support around for pregnancy loss.

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