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partner doesn't want to try again

(4 Posts)
Helenq10 Tue 08-Aug-17 15:58:27

I had a missed miscarriage in Feb this year and it was devastating. I have a 17 year old to a previous relationship but had always wanted another in a real living relationship. I met my fiance just over 3 years ago. He has 3 young sons. We decided we wanted one together. I lost our baby and he said he wanted to try again which consoled me. I have recently found out I had a thickened womb but this could be treated. My partner has now told me he doesn't want to try again. He said that he's happy with three children and doesn't want to go back to changing nappies. I am lost now. He expects me to watch him cuddling his children and expect me to cook and clean for them and play mum. I hate the fact I resent his children. I'm 40 this year and I feel I've lost everything. I don't know how to move forward with this. I am lost

OP’s posts: |
PineapplePrincess Tue 08-Aug-17 20:36:45

Oh @Helenq10, I'm so sorry you are in this position. Miscarriage is so traumatic in itself but leaves so many ripples in its wake.

Have you had a chance to have a proper conversation with your fiancé? Is this something he has decided on after considered thought, or a passing comment? Does he know and understand how you feel?

I also miscarried in February this year. Have thrown myself back into TTC. Hubby is much more laissez faire, which can wind me up to no end. I'm 41 and aware time is of the essence too.

You need to figure out how important this is to you. Why your fiancé has had a change of heart (bear in mind, the miscarriage can have toll on him too, and he may be worried about you and how you'll cope with another pregnancy or the stresses of failing to conceive). You need to consider whether this is make or break for your relationship.

flowers and cake

Helenq10 Tue 08-Aug-17 21:12:46

Thankyou for your reply and I'm so sorry for your loss too. I am at a loss now. I was in the hospital waiting for an appointment with gyny and my fiance phoned (as he was in the car park with his kids) he said that we had to leave as his son needed to go to the toilet which annoyed me. I said I needed to wait and during an argument it came out that he was happy with his children and didn't want any more. He said nappy changes and sleepless nights wasn't what he wanted and it never was. He later apologised and he just didn't want to see me upset like I was with the miscarriage as I was in hospital a week after getting sepsis. And the funeral hurt him so much. But I doubt this now. Also I hate seeing him with his children. This is wrong I know. I'm trying and failing right now

OP’s posts: |
Biscuitsbaby Sat 19-Aug-17 14:11:39

Hi helenq10

I am going through something similar. I do not have children and my partner has two teenage girls who live with us. I fell pregnant (unplanned) in March and my partner wasn't overly excited as he said he didn't want to go back to changing nappies etc as he's 40 himself. My pregnancy was kept a secret and I was very much looking forward to being a mum and we'd both agreed it work out. Sadly at my 13wk scan I was told my baby's heart had stopped at 11.5wks. I was broken. I had a surgical management with follow up appointments at the hospital due to bleeding and continues positive tests. This happened in June and I'm still grieving for my baby and struggle every day. It took me 6 weeks before I could go back to work. The hardest thing is, like you, I cook, clean and care for his kids and him but I have become resentful which I hate because it's not me. I just want our baby and I've been too afraid to broach the subject with him because I'm so scared he'll say no to trying again after how he reacted when I fell pregnant. I just don't feel like I could deal with it if he said no. As a result I've closed up and don't really talk and just annoyed with everything and his kids. Part of me feels like how could he say no, seeing what I went through and how desperately excited I was. It's breaking me as I don't know what to do. We've been together 5 years and bought our first house earlier this year and it scares me to think of what might happen if he's not on board because I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with it.
Have you spoken to your partner again about it? I wish I was mentally strong enough to speak up, but I'm still an emotional mess from the miscarriage.
I hope your partner comes around to the idea. I know how you're feeling as I so desperately want my own child and the thought of not having that is too hard to bare.
Sending my love xx

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