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Don't know how to deal with friend who is miscarrying - I'm still trying to get over ectopic pregnancy 3 months ago

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NooNooHead1981 Sat 10-Jun-17 17:49:22

I had an ectopic and surgery at 7 weeks pregnant in March.

I felt so happy to be pregnant again, after nearly 5 years of wanting a sibling for my daughter, and a lot of health issues including a hdad injury, post concussion syndrome, drug induced movement disorder and dealing with my brother being very ill with bowel cancer in a hospice.

Now, my friend is in the same ward that I was, being induced for her pregnancy at 15 weeks. It's all so raw and painful for me still, and I really can't deal with it depsite my real desire to offer her help and support through such an awful time.

I don't feel like I can say, 'I know what you are going through', as I don't in many ways. Having to be induced and actually give birth is far more traumatic and distressing than surgery and waking up to no baby, in my opinion. It makes me feel like life is so unfair and crap. :-(

I know she has been avoiding me since my ectopic and her pregnancy, in some ways as a sensitive way of sparing my feelings and not making me feel so awkward or upset. I can completely appreciate this and now I know why she has been like this, since the tables are now turned. I don't want to avoid her at all; quite the opposite, but the fact that a mutual friend has says she doesn't want to talk about it at all makes me realise that things are going to be tough supporting her.

I just want to be there for her, and try not to be too affected by what has happened to her, as I know it will be a painful reminder of my recent ectopic too. I'm finding it tough to know what to do for the best though. I know that she is being induced today, so I presume she will stay in hospital until early next week at least until they have made sure she is ok? How long would you think is a good time to wait until I make tentative contact with her?

It's all so bloody hard - I wish there was an easier way of dealing with it without it reminding me of my recent loss. :-(

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