Not coping well, tonight(8 Posts)
I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, just a couple of weeks ago. My husband and I had been trying for a baby for 8 months. It's not long - but then again, we're not exactly spring chickens either (late 30s), so need to get a wriggle on. We already have a lovely little boy.
When I found out I was miscarrying, I was very worried, then horribly sad for a few days, and then I was relatively OK-ish (or so I thought). I naively felt that I'd come to terms with it - after all, it was pretty early days, and plenty of people have them and go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies afterwards. I hadn't taken it lightly, but I was ready to try again, and feeling really quite positive about the future.
But you see, I found out today that a very dear friend is pregnant - and her baby is due just a few weeks before mine would have been. I'm delighted for her - genuinely. She's a wonderful mother, a wonderful person, and she has always wanted a large family - it's great news.
So why I am I so tearfully ANGRY tonight? Why has all the sadness and loss, grief and disappointment flooded back?? Why did I eat 7 penguins (the chocolate kind, naturally) on the trot, barely drawing breath, as soon as I put the telephone down?? Why do I feel so negative and hopeless about the chances of my successfully conceiving again? Why can't I be grateful for my heavenly little boy, and tuck this awful, throat constricting, ungrateful misery away?? It's not as if she's pregnant with MY baby! She hasn't used up my baby ration as well as her own; I'm not less likely to conceive a second healthy child just because she's expecting her third!
I couldn't even hug my husband properly when I came home this evening - he was loving and kind, but I stood brittle and clenched. I found myself feeling furious with him, too - for not wanting the baby as much as I had, and for not feeling as crushed that the "pregnancy" was all some awful, chemical, practical joke - an empty gestational sac posing as our unborn child. Headaches, heartburn, sore bosoms, positive pregnancy tests - nothing but a hormone balloon in a gullible uterus. I'm SO ANGRY.
Hiding in the bedroom with a bottle of Prosecco. Tonight I DO NOT feel like coping.
Unattractive, self-indulgent rant over.
I'm sorry. This will get better, time is a wonderful healer and you have a fantastic son to distract you while it does. Hopefully you'll get pregnant again with a successful pregnancy and complete your family.
In the mean time... If penguins make you feel a bit better then sodding well have your eighth!! X
I can't believe I'm reading this i could have written parts!
First of all I am so sorry you are going through this, but please be kind to yourself as this is (hopefully) very normal! I found out I had a MMC at 8 weeks in march. Today at work I saw a colleagues first scan...
My partner has been trying to console me but I just can't pull myself together still, like you I couldn't even be cuddled I went and sat in the car by myself! When i came back inside I asked if he understood how overwhelming it is sometimes... I'm really not sure he does and I feel that anger too.
I don't have any other DC but it's still the same loss, and I think it's right to feel ok sometimes then for it to just hit you like a tonne of bricks.
Take the good days as they come and allow yourself to grieve whenever it takes you
Eclecticmama, thank you - I really appreciate it. Might take you up on that 8th Penguin! PossibiliTea, I'm so very sorry for what you're going through, too - sending you a very big hug, and absolutely masses of luck for happy, healthy future pregnancies xxx
You feel like this because even when you feel like you've got a hold on everything sometimes things happen which make you a mess again. Those are the times when you do need lots of penguin bars and a good cry. Can definitely empathise with you and understand what you're going through. Big hugs xxxx
And you too! Thank you that is kind xxx wishing the best for both of us x
This is me too.
I'm so sorry for your losses
I have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day. Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day and it will start to get less painful as time goes on
Choo sorry it's a bad day, a good one will be round the corner sooner than you know
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