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It's been almost a year since I miscarried and my husband doesn't want anymore children

(2 Posts)
honeyrose72 Tue 30-May-17 20:55:52

Last year I found out I was pregnant,which was a complete shock to my husband and myself because we had been active trying to not get pregnant.I was shocked but very happy about it,but my husband took more time to get used to the idea.
Then at about 6 weeks I started,what I thought was spotting...the next day I was bleeding more and cramping...so I called my midwife and she confirmed my worst fears...that I was going through the earlier stages of a miscarriage.
I was crushed.
I called my husband and told him the news...he was upset...he had just gotten used to the idea of having another baby and seem like he was looking forward to it.
The rest of the night I dealt with the pain that is micarrying...while my husband kept our other 2 children busy.Once it was over he comforted me,cried with me and then he tucked me into bed and dealt with the kids while I cried myself to sleep.

Fast forward a year later,
I'm with constant struggles with depression...especially after two of my sisters had babies right after I lost mine...and my sister-in-law getting pregnant...And after every month would pass and I wouldn't be pregnant I would sink deeper into the sadness.It consumed me.
But I bottled up my feelings never talking to my husband about it..."He didn't care." I thought..."He never even wanted this baby!"
Obviously it caused lots of problems in our marriage...and then my husband told me he was done having kids.He is content with the 2 we have and he doesn't want to have anymore...I was so sad and angry!
I'm not done!I want more children!At least 2 more...and he knows all of this...I killed me...but I bottled it up,kept it deep down inside.
Then about a 3 weeks ago we had our monthly fight about it and all the feelings I've bottled up came pouring out!I told him how desperately I want another baby....but he still doesn't want anymore...he is even talking about getting a vasectomy...I don't know what to do...I'm not ready to be done having children.I'm angry that he thinks he gets to make this choice without me!
I don't know how to talk to him about this without being hateful and just exploding my feelings all over the place.
But I can't not say something.
If I don't say something I'll fall deeper into depression and resent him for taking away the chance of ever having more children from me for the rest of my life.
What should I do?How should I bring this up in conversation?And how should I keep from being a hateful with towards him? Help!

YoureNotASausage Tue 30-May-17 21:15:18

I'm so sorry for your loss. And for the added complication of being in s different place regarding children than your DH.

The choice to have children needs two people. But the choice to not have children only needs one person if that makes sense. I understand why you are upset but he has a valid right to be happy with two kids too. Maybe you can talk him around? In any case I think you would benefit from talking to someone on your own and maybe as a couple as well. To talk about the miscarriage and your anger and panic about this situation.

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