I lost my little girl at 41 weeks in February. I had a perfect pregnancy with her and sadly she died after 19.5 hours of labour, we had an emcs but it was too late to save her. It's been just over 12 weeks from our loss and we still haven't had any answers about what happened to her - although we think it may be a mix of hospital negligence and infection we won't know for sure until we get her post Mortem results back. These 12 weeks have been INCREDIBLY difficult and to be honest I don't know how we even got this far. One thing it has made me realise through is how much we would love to have a brother or sister for her in the future, not to replace her but just to add to our family, She was our first baby and I've never felt love like it before.
I would love to try right away but I'm worried about her post Mortem results incase it's something unexpected or genetic which would cause us to lose another baby - I couldn't cope with this pain again and I'm also worried about my csection scar and healing. My doctor has said that we can try now as he recommends 12 months between surgeries and that would mean trying after 12 weeks/3 months is ok..but I've heard others be recombined to wait 6, 12 or even 18 months after a csection. I think most risks are if someone attempts a vbac after a section which isn't a concern for me because I would never ever consider a natural birth after my labour with my little girl.
I'm worried though that the longer I wait the more scared I am going to get and it might put me off trying altogether. I'm also worried if I wait too long I might have difficulty conceiving and would have wished I tried sooner.
I don't know what to do, I know I want to wait for the post Mortem results incase there is any medical interventions that could help prevent something happening to my next baby but I'm finding the wait so hard, im also terrified of what the results will be incase it's something that means we can't try again.
Just wondering if anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation - I'm finding it very hard at the minute 
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Trying again after losing a baby
steph0488 · 24/05/2017 12:49
Steph I am so, so sorry about your baby girl. I lost my first baby at 40 weeks and it is a horrible, life changing event. My daughter would have been 25 in February. We had a Post Mortem done and nothing really came up. My placenta was failing and the cord was round her neck and kinked but we could see that at the time of birth. I really don't remember how long the PM results took to come through, sorry.
I had a vaginal birth, so my experience will differ from yours. I was ready to try again very quickly, as you say not to replace your daughter but to have the family that you thought you would have. Emotionally I was told six months but I felt ready before then. I attended several SANDS meetings which I found very helpful and also as (bad) luck would have it I reconnected with two classmates who also lost their first baby within weeks of me so we supported each other.
There is no right or wrong in your situation, you go at the pace you feel comfortable with. In my case I was pregnant quickly and my 2nd baby was due around the 1st birthday of my first baby. I discussed this with my consultant and he agreed to induce me at 37 weeks. I think he would have induced me early anyway but that made a huge difference to me. My beautiful second daughter was born 3 weeks before her big sisters first birthday.
My son was born one week after my first daughters 2nd birthday. They both know about their big sister and we visit her resting place fairly often.
Right now I think I know what you are feeling, I had a big hole in my chest, a feeling that things will never get better and a feeling of 'failure'.
You are in the very earliest days of a traumatic time. When your body is ready and when your mind is ready you will have another baby. The new baby will never replace your first baby, it will just be another baby that you will love just like you love the baby you lost.
I hope I have not been clumsy in what I have said. I articulate this feeling better face to face. 25 years later I still have a cry for the baby I lost, I still wonder what she would have been, I still hate the day she died but time does heal and having more children was the best thing for me.
Steph, you have my deepest sympathies and I hope you can see forward during this sad time 
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