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Miscarriage after 6 rounds of IVF

(9 Posts)
kloodie Tue 23-May-17 21:55:58

Hi all,
We started the ivf process 2 years ago. We had 5 total fails and imagine the joy when the 6th one worked. It was my 1st pregnancy. We got to seven weeks and 3 days after seeing a heartbeat I miscarried.

This was 9 weeks ago now and Im finding it harder to deal with the more time goes on, is this normal?

We have 1 embryo left that we plan to transfer in September and I really dont know what well do after that, this ivf malarkey is ridiculously expensive.

xxx

sparechange Tue 23-May-17 21:57:24

I'm so sorry. Losses after IVF feel even more cruel somehow.

Does your clinic offer counselling?

kloodie Tue 23-May-17 21:59:34

They did offer but at the time I felt like I would be ok without it, maybe I need to give them a call

nuttyslackster Tue 23-May-17 22:02:35

So sorry OP. That loss must have been incredibly tough. I would really encourage you to take up some counselling. IVF is by far the hardest thing, physically and emotionally, that I have been through.

kloodie Tue 23-May-17 22:04:55

Me too, I just want it to be over and feel like I cant keep doing this but at the same time can't imagine a life without a child in it

farfallarocks Tue 23-May-17 22:10:40

I am so sorry it's just so shit and unfair. ISO think some counselling would help you make sense of everything, I felt just one session changed my outlook on our situation. I also found infertility and miscarriage almost a traumatic experience I know that sounds dramatic but it altered how I perceived myself and my body and those scars are still there even though we have a happy ending. Don't give
Up, be kind to yourself and your relationship.

kloodie Tue 23-May-17 22:14:32

Not dramatic at all, it really is traumatic. i totally hate my body now, not only can it not conceive on its own but even will medical help it failed me.

I started bleeding at around 5 weeks and it was 2 weeks of hell not knowing what was going on. After the heartbeat scan we actually relaxed a little knowing that the chances of anything bad happening had dropped drastically.
my husband is amazing but the sexual side of our relationship has suffered massively in the last 2 years.

AppalazianWalzing Tue 23-May-17 22:27:37

I'm so sorry. I've never had to go through IVF: I have PCOS so suspected I might need interventions so was overjoyed when I fell pregnant naturally within six months.

Had v similar miscarriage experience: bleeding, then a scan and heartbeat, then more bleeding, and a scan and heartbeat, then much less bleeding so I expected it would be ok knowing our odds were so improved but finally a scan and no heartbeat. I have the ERPC tomorrow, so it's all v fresh on the one hand but on the other it almost feels like I dreamt it, like it was an insane fantasy to think I was really pregnant and really going to be a mother.

I think there's two lots of emotions: the sense of loss about this pregnancy, the trauma of waiting and expecting and feeling reassured then it being lost.

And then the separate fear around getting pregnant again. I know we're v lucky, and this is nothing compared to people who've had repeated failures or losses, but I still can't help but worry- when they did the scans they commented on how cyst-y my ovaries were so part of me worries it was a fluke and I won't conceive again.

But that's nothing compared to the disappointment of so many IVF tries. I've friends who have been there, I think it takes immense stress to put yourself through the strain of IVF, it honestly takes such a toll physically and mentally. It's not surprising you're struggling with this experience on top. I think it's good you know you have a few months and it might be worth trying some counselling and some self-care. I really think trying to simultaneously deal with worries from the futures and the trauma of the past is too much without some help and guidance.

Take care of yourself and I wish you lots of luck.

TakeMe2Insanity Thu 25-May-17 14:19:41

I am so sorry for your loss.

I miscarried in April (after ivf) and it is hard. What has really helped me is talking to my clinic about what can be done differently next time. It could just be one of 'those' things, but for me it has made me feel that I am slightly in control of things rather than things just happening to me.

If you are finding ivf costs racking up then look at clinics abroad. They are worth investigating. We spent 10 years ttc and finally had dc after a second round of ivf at a clinic abroad. We had tried ivf via our local nhs hospital but some how it worked. I'd say don't give up but be kind to both your DH and yourself.

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