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Miscarriage, emotionally broken. Struggling with boyfriends distant behaviour.

(2 Posts)
HaffyW Sat 20-May-17 00:08:44

Hi ladies,

I recently suffered from a second miscarriage and am really struggling with the emotions of it. Both pregnancies were unplanned and both miscarriages were during the first trimester.

My boyfriend and I are currently long distance due to work related issues, however we keep in regular contact everyday.
During the first miscarriage he wasn't able to fly over and stay with me, and during this second miscarriage he still isn't able to come for atleast another week.

I've been so broken the past week, and have just been drinking through the night to forget about this pain.

My boyfriend has been unwell himself, and very stressed about the miscarriage and also work. I've been trying to help him emotionally but I feel like it made me feel worse as I was being a rock to him but also to myself. He hasn't really been supporting me as much as I thought he would. He's distant and deep into his man cave, and it's stressing us both out so much.

He has never said anything about how he feels regarding the two miscarriages, but today he admitted that he cried alone about it (he's not an emotional guy at all) and it's torturing him that or can't be close to me right now. He said that he didn't admit how he felt because he didn't want to stress me out even more and didn't think telling me would help me in anyway. But honestly when he told me this I had a sigh of relief. I felt like he actually cared and I suddenly didn't feel like the only person struggling with this.

How do I support him but also encourage him to support me?
How do I knock this feeling that he doesn't care?

Cocoabean25 Sun 21-May-17 22:50:43

I'm so sorry for your losses. Miscarriage is horrible and I didn't understand how much grief and upset it can cause until I miscarried myself. I found my partner so difficult to read at the time. I literally had to spell out what I wanted off him. He too said he had cried lots but he never got upset in front of me and that made me feel stupid for getting upset in front of him. I didn't like opening up to someone who I thought didn't feel the same way. He always said he has to stay strong for me but I think I have hurt him many times by accusing him of not caring. All I can suggest is to tell your boyfriend how you are feeling and that even if you're apart you can still talk about it over the phone and how he needs to be at the end of the phone no matter what time it is. Try to keep yourself busyish but don't do anything too physical because you need to rest. Say you are there for him too but say exactly what you want off him. He is probably trying to keep strong by hiding his emotions and not wanting to upset you even more. Hope that make some sense xxx

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