Missed miscarriage at 12 weeks 4 days

[Kirsty070490]

Hey, so yesterday we went for our scan to see our baby, was 12 weeks 4 days...turns out I have had a missed miscarriage...am laying there looking at the screen to just see empty blackness.....was then ushered upstairs to emergency gynaecology department for a blood test...have got to go back tomorrow for another one...I feel so heartbroken that we found out this way, I'm not coping very well...does anyone know what will happen now? Will I find out when baby died?

[DancingUnicorn]

Kirsty, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking. I found out at my 12 week scan a few weeks ago. At ours there was an image, and the date the baby was measuring was shown on the screen when they were taking measurements. If you want to know more, you can ask at your appointment. I hope you have been well looked after at the hospital.

I was talked through the next steps, and given three options. I was given information to take away to decide how to proceed, which was helpful as I took very little in that I was told.

You don't need to cope well yet. Just get through each day a minute at a time. Whatever you feel allow yourself to feel. It really, really sucks.

I found that I needed information, and the miscarriage association website was incredibly useful in the first days. Try not to rush back to work, I went back too soon and was worse for it.

If you want to 'talk' there are threads on here with amazing people. Or feel free to dm me.

💐

[Cocoabean25]

Really sorry to hear what you're going through. Did you find out any answers today at your appointment? It is completely understandable to not be coping very well. You will still be feeling very raw and upset. I would definitely recommend taking time off work. I only took off 2 days and that was the worst thing I did. Take each hour at a time. Miscarriage is a horrible thing xxx

[Kirsty070490]

Thank you for your message cocoa bean. Haven't really found out much more. I went today for my 2nd blood test...they called me with my results and the level has dropped but not as it should be. I have got to go back Friday for a 3rd blood test and if the levels still aren't dropping correctly I will need to have some treatment to get everything out. Am finding it very hard to know how to feel right now and what is right to be feeling. I feel like so many people are expecting me to get over it in a couple of days and start trying for the next baby as soon as I've had a period...they don't understand this pregnancy isn't even over yet. Makes me so mad x

[Hoppinggreen]

Sorry for your loss
The lady cal hospital weren't very helpful when this happened to me so I opted for surgical removal at the Private hospital instead. Unsurprisingly my care was amazing and sadly much better than friends received who didn't go Private. It was actually covered under DH's company,edical insurance so I'm not sure if that an option for you?
Some hospitals do handle this much better though so you may get more help than I did. If there is no bed that may ask you to just go home and wait but I didn't feel I could do this as I just wanted to try and Move on ( didn't realise how hard this would be)
I got pg again totally by accident 1 week later, which caused me a lot of issues as I didn't feel I had mourned properly and other people thought it meant that everything was ok.
People in general won't understand and may say some awful things to you, mostly they don't mean it they just don't know how to handle it so try not to hold it against them if they are generally supportive.
You will probably never get over this but you will get around it if that makes sense? It will hurt less over time, even though you will have low periods and you will never forget your baby. Mine would have been almost 14 now and although I have 2 lovely dc now I still remember what probably would have been his birthday in September every year. I don't tell anyone else I just think about what he would have been like (for some reason I think he was a boy). I also send money each year to a children's hospice who light a candle for him at Xmas.
Don't let anyone tell you how to feel and be kind to yourself xx

[Cocoabean25]

How did your 3rd blood test go? I found some really good sites on babycentre which helped me to understand my feelings. I soon realised that feeling completely overwhelmed with grief is normal. Don't like to people who think you should be over this and trying again - do what you feel is right.

Here's the links to the babycentre sites:
www.babycentre.co.uk/a1014764/understanding-grief-after-a-loss
www.babycentre.co.uk/a4006/coping-with-a-miscarriage
xxx

[Kirsty070490]

Thank you everyone for such kind words. Had my 3rd blood test yesterday...my levels are still hardly dropping. I have got to go next Tuesday for a short and then they will book me in for surgery. Seems like it's dragging on and on. Still having good and bad moments. I was saying to my other half I have had more compassion off my cat then I have his family! My cat keeps resting her head on my tummy and purring. Bless her. I will let you know how I get on next week xxxxxx

[VisionsofJohanna]

I am 5 weeks post 12 week scan and mmc: finally starting to feel normal day to day. Good luck for next week. It's a horrible time and people say the most ridiculous things. Thank goodness for cats

[KoolKoala07]

I had a mmc on the 18th. I was forced to go back to work the following day but I actually found it helped me. I could forget about it for a bit.
I went down the medical route to complete the miscarriage, one of the worst decisions I've ever made. Last night i had the treatment for a second time and still nothing has budged.
Very sorry to hear of your loss and all I can say is do what feels right for you

[knorrig]

So sorry you're going through this. I had an mc at 9-12 weeks in Aug 2015. I didn't even know I was pregnant hence them not being able to say for sure how far I was, like you it was an empty sac though. I had the medical management the next day which did luckily get things moving - I stayed at the hospital for a few hours and then went home - I did have a lot of contraction like pain later on. I then bled for about 3 weeks afterwards gradually getting lighter. My AF then came 3-4 weeks later (in between then I'd had a negative test) but it lasted for about 9 weeks on and off. Not telling you this to worry you but to say go and tell the docs if it's not normal as I didn't and it dragged on for so long and totally drained me emotionally and physically. I eventually went to the docs who referred me for a scan, scan showed everything was gone and there was no real explanation for the continued bleeding but they gave me antibiotics and the bleeding did finally stop!

On the emotional side don't worry about getting back to normal as it took me a while as it's so hard to process. Sending hugs

[PanannyPanoo]

I am so sorry you going through this. Do you know of any holistic masseurs? After one of my missed miscarriage.- baby measured at 8 weeks. found out at 12 week scan I had a massage and miscarried naturally a few hours later. It also included a therapy session and was a very peaceful time for me to say goodbye to my little one and all the dreams associated with the pregnancy. take all the time you need. And whatever you feel at any point is exactly what you need to feel. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. x

[Bdunta123]

Hi everyone,

Reading these posts have been so helpful this last 24hours to know I am not alone and to gain information. I don't know whether I've had a missed miscarriage or whether my dates are wrong. I'm waiting for a scan and it's killing me going over dates etc. Not sure if I'm in a predicament or just wishful thinking - perhaps you could pass your thoughts and give me the reality check I need to prepare to grieve.

Had coil removed in Jan for Hubby and Into start ttc. Waited for a period which happened on 12th feb (but short only 1.5 days and very light) haven't had period for 8 years due to marina coil. Started charting bmt and doing clearblue home ovulation tests on 20th after period. I got a high on 23rd and then peak on 25th Feb. We had sex about three times that week roughly, on day of peak and two after.

I had a night out on the 10 March and felt so guilty about drinking. Next day on 11th a march, I was at about 26 days of cycle (not knowing when to expect missed period as didn't have a proper cycle yet) so did a pregnancy test. It was positive. I was so shocked as it must have happened first time. I did hundreds of tests - all positive. Didn't have symptoms so must have detected it really early on in pregnancy. basal temp also still stayed high.

Pregnancy symptoms started around 20th March with exhaustion and around 28th March was pinching feelings in stomach and massive sore boobs.

By my records I'm 11 weeks today based on first day of last period. My proper scan isn't for another two weeks, and my booking appointment 10 days. I've been massively bloated and look about 5 months pregnant after lunch at work and people have been talking about it. So I booked a private scan to confirm everything was ok so I could at least tell a few people at work and feel ok about telling them.

Then my world fell apart and it wasn't the loveliest experience I was hoping, I spent £90 to cry all day! Ha! They found a sac containing a very small yolk sac and fetal pole measuring it at 6w6d. But like I said based on period it should have been 10w6d. She said that it had either stopped growing or my dates are wrong.

With it being a bank holiday I couldn't wait to call on Tues so went to urgent car and asked if there was anyway to speed up process of referral to early pregnancy unit. They were amazing. A Gyno came down and explained that i will need a scan to see if the baby has grown and explained options and procedures if it hasn't etc. That someone will call me Tues/weds for an appointment but won't be for at least a week as they need time to see a change if there is one. She asked me briefly about dates - but at the time I was adamant my dates were right. My hormones are going mental. I still have all the pregnancy symptoms, especially sore boobs, which is massively messing with my head.

So now for the waiting game. Which is the reason I got the scan in the first place because I was fed up waiting! Sods law.

Any help/advice on this would be great. What do you think of the dates? If the pregnancy test was taking day of fertilisation then technically that was 7 weeks ago yesterday and scan said 6w6d so could be viable! But surely so unlikely as doesn't scan include +2w where nothing actually happens? So does this mean that the fetal pole was conceived 4w6d ago? Because if that's the case then it can't be as symptoms started before and pregnancy test two weeks before that. Also the ovulation sticks if they said peak then surely that means that's when it happen?! I've had only healthy symptoms of pregnancy, no bleeding, discharge or stomach/back pain.

So confused. Don't want to be hopeful but just want to fucking know, you know? I want someone to tell me that it's pretty impossible based on those dates etc so I can prepare myself mentally for what's coming. So scared that this might happen at home, that is my worst nightmare. 😭

[Kirsty070490]

Hi Bdunta, firstly, my heart goes out to you, I am the one who originally put this post up....all of us on this thread have had the worry/grief so I can completely understand how your feeling. The unknown is worse then knowing. There is so many different factors with your information I'm not sure on the dates...it could be a very small pregnancy and until they do some more tests you won't know unfortunately. I know this doesn't help. With mine, I had some brown discharge a couple of days before my 12 week scan and then on the day of my scan I had a tiny amount of blood- when I wiped after I went for a wee- if I hadn't looked at the tissue I wouldn't have known . I had no stomach pains, nothing. At the scan all that they could find was an empty sac. They don't even know what has happened. This was Monday, I had to have a blood test to measure the pregnancy hormone levels, this had to be repeated 48 hours later- weds- to see if levels had dropped and then I had it again Friday. My levels are dropping which means I have lost my baby but they aren't dropping like they should be so I will have to have some help from the hospital- they call it management treatment. BUT don't assume the worst. There was a girl on weds in the same situation and they actually found a heartbeat for her baby so I think it was a small pregnancy. It's horrible when people say stay positive and all that crap cause u can't, I think we always assume the worst. All I can say is rest, don't give up hope but if you have lost your baby, we are all here for you, there is so much support on here and with other organisations, I have learnt a lot in the last week. You can message me direct anytime if you want to. Let us know what happens, sending you a massive hug, from one mummy to another xxxx

[VisionsofJohanna]

BDuntna123 couldn't read and run. I am not sure if a pregnancy test would be positive on day of fertilisation but of course I am keeping everything crossed for you.

Sadly, there is nothing you can do except wait so if I were you I would mentally prepare for all outcomes. Much easier said than done but keep busy, talk to DH, go for walks, have a duvet/movie day...whatever you need. In my experience, after the shock of the scan, it was mostly all appointments and waiting. Thinking of you.

[VisionsofJohanna]

(Oh and my 'duvet day' lasted a week)

[Bdunta123]

Thanks visionsofJ and Kirsty! At least it's a bank holiday so can come to terms with it a bit better before work on tues. So many people at work think I'm pregnant, I've told my closest peers (about 5) as I'm a PE teacher and we workout together so had to adapt routines etc for no core work.so funny how first instinct was to feel shame. Like it was my fault! Obviously know that's rubbish etc. I asked the gyno about blood tests, weird how she said that they wouldn't do bloods to compare hormones as this was only done for ectopic. She said they will go based on scans. Anyway, you are all right. Just got to wait it out and try and keep putting one food forward each day. Thanks for messages. Does help know people are out there xx

[DancingUnicorn]

Bdunta I'm so sorry you are going through this. I didn't have to suffer through a long wait as my scan showed the baby was big enough that the lack of heartbeat was enough for them to know for certain. I can't imagine how painful the waiting must be.

It's really shit. And know there are really supportive people here if you need it. 💐

[Kirsty070490]

Hey everyone, just updating you all. I went today for another scan and nothing has changed so I'm going in Thursday for surgery. This week has been an emotional roller coaster and has been horrendous, one minute I seem ok the next I'm really not. Today the hospital were so busy I was so late going in for my scan and I needed a wee so bad (had to have a full bladder again) that I cried in the waiting room. I think for a few reasons....I thought I was going to piss myself...it hurt lol and it was sad that I had to do all that knowing there was nothing in me worth doing it for....I think everyone in the waiting room was very understanding lol and I didn't piss myself...I managed to hold it! I'm now freaking out that on thursday- what if they muddle me up and end up taking my whole womb out?! I feel very sad I only have another day holding onto whatever is left inside me but I know once I go through the process I can start grieving and moving on with life, thank you to all of you with your kind words and support. Mother in law I have decided is a twat. She said to my partner- (I'm still not talking to her) that she doesn't understand why I'm so upset....it's just a blob at that point... AND when he said I have to have surgery she said oh that is just a little scrape they do....
A lot of swear words come to mind, some people do not have the capacity to have empathy or sympathy for others....she is just heartless. Have decided I will avoid her for the rest of the year 😅😅 lol hope you are all ok xxxxxxxxx

[KoolKoala07]

Good luck for Thursday. My ordeal finally came to an end on Saturday after seeing a wonderful doctor. I felt like a weight had been lifted once I knew it was all over. Finally feel I can move on and get my body and my mind in the right place to try again.

[DancingUnicorn]

Good luck on Thursday Kirsty. Are you having general anaesthetic for the surgery? That's what I opted for. They definitely won't accidentally take the whole womb though. They usually don't have to make any incision at all. They gave me a pessary a few hours before to help soften the cervix. They should explain everything to you again on the day. Thinking of you. 💐

[Bdunta123]

Good luck Kirsty! You will be in strong hands on Thursday, sadly the doctor will have done this thousands of time so take comfort in that he will do a good job.

Perhaps today you should think about how to grieve/make a 'moment' of this experience. Once this hell is over my husband and I are going to get out of London for a night, drink a couple of bottles of wine, do that 'what if' conversations, grieve the loss and have a good cry, on our own away from people's helpful/unhelpful input. Then we are going to plan our summer, a holiday or something to look forward to, things I wasn't going to be able to do like surf, booze, so that we have something to look forward to before trying again. What do you think would make it easier for you to move forward?

I got a call from hospital yesterday - they want me to scan Mon so it's more than 7 days after. Woman asked me for scan measurements when I said the CTR was 2mm she said 'gosh that's barely anything, very tiny'. I was like 'alright mate don't rub salt in the wound!' I've also started to feel different. Like now my brains in on it, my body is catching up. Boobs don't hurt, stomach less bloated, nausea waves gone. I've also had cramping... so had to get pads and paracetamol just in case. It's the worst limbo ever. So scared every time I go to the toilet and wipe. But so far NOTHING.

I've had to take the week off work. Emotionally feeling much stronger and think I could handle it... but being a PE teacher I can't exactly stand in the middle of a field in charge of a bunch of teenagers 15 minutes away from any toilet facilities. The whole thing filled me with so much anxiety in case 'it' happened that I've decided to stay home just in case. Just trying to stay busy. So weird as it is beginning to feel like I just made up this entire pregnancy for last 10 7 weeks!!

Kirsty let us know how you get on tomorrow 😘

[Kirsty070490]

All of you are so lovely, so glad I joined mumsnet and posted my original message. Dancing unicorn- I will be under general anaesthetic so at least I won't know what's happening. Bdunta- you poor thing...I have done that for the last week....waited to see what was going to happen...I'm guessing after ur scan if nothing happens they may suggest some treatment for u too? Having a bad day today- keep crying but I think it's because I know what's coming tomorrow...I have already thought about what me and my partner can do to have some chill out time- just us 2. May look to book a night away or a little holiday, I so need it. I will let you know how I get on and thank you all so much for the lovely comments- it's like I've found some really lovely Internet friends and they all understand what I'm going through xx I hope you are all doing as well as you can too...we will all get through this xx

[DancingUnicorn]

Thinking of you today Kirsty. Hope it goes smoothly and you get wonderful and caring staff looking after you. 💐

[Kirsty070490]

Hey everyone, so I'm home...I'm sore and tired but I'm OK...feel like a huge weight has been lifted knowing it has been done now...now off to bed, will keep you all posted xxxx

[Hoppinggreen]

Sending you kind thoughts xx

[Winniethepooer]