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First pregnancy MMC - TTC again?

(25 Posts)
Poppyseed89 Wed 05-Apr-17 00:56:50

Just wanting really to hear about people's experiences conceiving after miscarriage.
I had an ERPC last week due to missed miscarriage (was 9 weeks but baby had only grown to 7). It was my first pregnancy and I am devastated about it. My partner and I have decided we would try again soon (we're in the middle of moving house which hasn't helped). My doctor advised against sex for a while as I had to have stiches on my cervix (sorry tmi) and to expect a period within 4-6 weeks. We are going to wait until I've had that period before we try again but just wanted to know about your experiences. As it was my first pregnancy I'm really worried about this happening again.

Misssmoo Wed 05-Apr-17 09:11:40

Hi poppy I'm in same boat but this was my 3rd preg all ready have two children mmc at 12+weeks baby stopped growing at 8 and I'm wondering whether I want to try again I'm so scared incase it happens again x

Poppyseed89 Wed 05-Apr-17 10:12:57

It's awful isn't it sad---- on one side I don't think I could handle feeling this way again but on the other hand I am desperate to get pregnant again! Xxx

runthemileyourein Wed 05-Apr-17 12:52:12

Hi Poppy i'm sorry you're going through this. flowers In December I had a MMC at 8+4 although the baby had stopped growing 2 weeks earlier. I had a natural miscarriage at 9w and then it took 6 weeks for my first period. I was desperate to be pregnant again and in February I had a chemical and last week I had a BFP that has so far stuck! I'm 5 weeks today! smile
It is miserable waiting to start trying again. I felt I couldn't put the MC behind me until my body started to get back to normal. The one upside is that you're supposedly more fertile for the first 6mths after a MC smile

Poppyseed89 Wed 05-Apr-17 13:22:19

Hello Runthemile.. I'm sorry you've had to go through this too but congratulations on your news grin I can imagine you must be over the moon! I sat down with my partner this morning and talked about it all and he is as keen as I am to try again, we've agreed to wait until we've moved into our new house which should be not much later than my first period (If what the doc predicted is right lol). So hopefully a new fresh start will prove to be successful! I didn't know you were more fertile following, that's definitely a positive to take from such a hard situation. I was struggling with the thought of going through this again if it were to happen again especially being MMC as here were not really any signs for me, but the truth is, no matter how long we wait, it could happen again at any point & the longer I run from my fear of a second miscarriage, the scarier it could become!
Thank you again for your reply and congratulations again!! Xx

DancingUnicorn Wed 05-Apr-17 13:30:28

Hi poppyseed. I had my smm on Monday. Also planning to try again as soon as AF shows up. Am completely devastated, found out at our 12 week scan, so had already planned how we would tell all our friends etc. Like you, there were literally no signs, I was still throwing up and feeling nauseous until a couple of days before the scan. Plus, I really hated being pregnant! So going into it without knowing what to expect was exciting, but now I will have to go into it knowing I will feel dreadful for months and knowing that dreadful feeling won't help to alleviate my anxiety even in the slightest.

I really hope you are doing ok, and the house move goes ok!

Enelya Wed 05-Apr-17 13:53:54

I had a sort of-MMC 2 years ago, waited two complete cycles to try again just to try to get my head together. I fell pg on the first cycle of trying again, my next pg was perfectly healthy although I struggled with anxiety a bit. In my office most of the women with children have also had mc, so there is every reason to think next time will turn out better xx

Poppyseed89 Wed 05-Apr-17 13:56:24

Hi dancingunicorn, so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. I too was excited about the whole experience yet felt dreadful all the way through so I know what you mean about the feelings and the anticipation of the worry that will go with it. My mum tried to reason that because I had such a hard time pregnancy that I somehow knew that something wasn't right from the start, whether I believe that or not I don't know! I'd been for an early scan at 6 weeks which showed a heartbeat which in someways is worse as I know that everything was ok until the week following. I can imagine that the first 7 weeks for me will be he hardest with the view of history repeating itself. I think I got myself so worked up the first time round I need to learn to let go of the worry, which seems nigh on impossible considering the circumstances but I think giving myself a break and really not pushing myself next time will provide some comfort (I did think I was wonder woman and could carry on almost as normal when I found out) I plan on taking it slow and maybe taking up things like yoga which I would previously turned my nose up at thinking it wouldn't do anything! I think trying to remain positive and doing the best I can to eliminate other worries in life will help myself and future baby (fingers crossed) to relax and hopefully this time it will be a more enjoyable experience. I also tried too much too soon I believe , I gave up caffeine, cigarettes (cold turkey) and antidepressant pretty much within a couple of days which I don't think helped me on a personal level, that coupled with crippling joint pain and nausea created a monster lol! I started smoking again shortly after but my plan is too cut down with help to hopefully be non smoking before we TTC, but I've continued with limited caffeine and still without the antidepressants so it's not such a drastic change for when we hopefully become pregnant again, hoping this will armour me to better cope this time around, the aches and pains, should they return, I feel I'm better equipped to handle! I didn't know how positive I was really thinking about things until I've typed this out! I actually feel a lot better just within the minutes it's taken me to write this post!
I wish you all the luck in the world, I know it helps to talk about any worries etc so when you do decide to try again and if there's anything you need to talk about, please feel free to contact me as I probably will be feeling exactly the same!

Poppyseed89 Wed 05-Apr-17 13:57:37

Thank you enelya! It's so nice to hear such positive news, my pessimistic side is reducing by each post grin
Thank you

PossibiliTea Wed 05-Apr-17 17:05:05

Just jumping on board and listening to more positive stories which is great! Still recovering from my MMC and can't wait until I'm healed and can start trying again. So sorry for your loss you are not alone and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for all of us!

PossibiliTea Wed 05-Apr-17 17:05:28

Lol...reading sorry not listening.. not lost the plot just yet

Poppyseed89 Wed 05-Apr-17 17:36:35

Hehe possibilitea smile fingers crossed you'll be healed and ready soon xxx

Orifu Wed 05-Apr-17 18:18:15

Hi everyone,
I had a MMC diagnosed at my 12 week scan yesterday, baby had stopped growing at 9+5 but feeling fortunate they were able to get me in for an ERPC this morning, though I don't think it has sunk in yet.
Sad to say I recognise Dancing from the October babies thread- hope you're doing ok.
Just worried as the doctor at the hospital confused me today, she said best to wait one period before trying again which I had always thought was for dating but she then said not waiting one cycle can increase the chance of miscarriage of the next one. I'd never heard of this before and am now feeling very torn. Was thinking I'd probably wait a cycle anyway or just "see what happens" this time but would I then worry even more? Am already imagining an anxious wait and even if I book a private scan this time at 8 weeks This baby was bigger than that.
It's all so sad, shit we have to go through this!

DancingUnicorn Wed 05-Apr-17 18:22:35

Orifu I'm so sorry. I'm glad they were able to see you quickly. It's such a shock finding out that way, I have my scan imagine burned into my mind.

I've never heard that not waiting can increase the risk. The miscarriage association (their website is really useful if you want more info/things to read etc) said it can be difficult as you may have scans that show say 6 weeks, and it's harder to tell if it is 6 weeks because it should be, or because of mmc. Which made sense to me.

Misssmoo Wed 05-Apr-17 19:07:47

Has any of u ladies been offered histology ..they said they would do this on my baby even though was first miscarriage. ..not sure what they test for?. October will be very hard knowing when out little beans should be arriving in feel empty xx

Orifu Wed 05-Apr-17 19:14:14

No I asked this morning and she said they don't test where I am until the third in a row. First and second (God forbid) are just "bad luck" - I know they're stretched but it would be sad and traumatic to go through this three times if it did turn out to be preventable.
I will check out the miscarriage assoc website. Sad recognition wave to misssmoo too. I think october will be sad. Not sure how to start grieving it all to be honest. If I think about it or I remember the scan and what they said I instantly start crying so I've been kind of trying to not think about it but not sure that's the best way, don't want to block it out and not process. So tricky

Misssmoo Wed 05-Apr-17 19:19:11

Yes I know what u mean I keep playing the sonographers words over in my head wish I could stop...I was told they will do tests to rule out certain things but never said what just on baby though not me not sure what that will achieve if it is a problem with me. I had a chemical in November so does this Count as a miscarriage as one has really said much about it xx

DancingUnicorn Wed 05-Apr-17 19:41:53

They told me they test for molar pregnancy. I have no idea what that is.

Orifu it's so hard to start processing it. I felt so much better once I'd had the surgery on Monday, but then things hit me again this morning. It is still so recent, allow yourself whatever emotions you need. If you need to not think about it for now, I think that's ok too.

I agree that October is going to be a tough month. Actually, I keep thinking of the entire rest of the year in terms of what we had planned for the pregnancy or baby at that point.

Poppyseed89 Wed 05-Apr-17 19:50:18

I'm in total agreement about October! The due date for me was 30th so plan to do something special. Something small, but meaningful! I've found writing things down helps, I made a poem a couple of days ago which took me a while to read without my eyes filling up, but each day I re read and find each time, the tears are a little less - this has helped me a little.

PossibiliTea Wed 05-Apr-17 20:12:54

That's such a nice idea, my due date was 27th x

leonielil8 Wed 05-Apr-17 20:26:50

It so hard that so many of us have to go through this. I had found out I miscarriage when I went for my 12 week scan had to have the surgery as was a suspected molar pregnancy but histology came back clear, I know that should be a relief but it doesn't stop it hurting. Got my first negative pregnancy test 2 weeks ago and think I have just started my first period very light but that is normal for me. Keep reading that u have to have 20 without spotting but I am really hoping this is my period anyone else get there period soon after, it's 5 weeks after smm but was incomplete so was still bleeding 3 weeks ago. X

Poppyseed30 Wed 05-Apr-17 21:08:55

I'm too early to tell, I'm only one week post ERPC so still having really minor spotting, not anticipating a period for a while yet but it sounds like it could be your period, I know people experience different things post miscarriage but If it's similar to what you normally experience as a period then date wise it would seem about right with your negative test xx

SpunBodgeSquarepants Fri 07-Apr-17 10:22:54

I went for a scan at ten weeks to find my baby had died at 6 weeks, I opted to miscarry naturally but after a few weeks nothing had happened. I had an ERPC at 15.5 weeks. I feel betrayed by my body, that's almost ten weeks that there was a failed pregnancy in there and my body couldn't detect it?? It took me 19 months to fall pregnant as well. Everything has been so stressful, I've decided not to try again. However I do already have a 3-year-old. Had it been my first pregnancy, I would have persevered.

Poppyseed30 Fri 07-Apr-17 10:39:34

@SpunBodgeSquarepants I'm so sorry to hear that flowers MMC is awful, I felt like a mug for carrying on for the two weeks thinking I was pregnant when in actual fact that wasn't the case anymore! Someone (I can't remember who as the whole process was a blur) that one way to look at it is that although the baby wasn't viable, it didn't want to let go as it knew how much it was wanted, I thought was kind of a nice way of looking at it.
Either way, no words can make it any better and it's such a sad thing. If I already had children I would seriously consider not TTC again as it is such a painful and inexplicable process so I totally get where you are coming from! This was my first and my fiancé and I would really love a little family of our own, so I will have to face my fears!

Misssmoo Fri 07-Apr-17 21:14:08

It's awful..I do have 2 beautiful kids so am very lucky bur after this past couple weeks I don't know if u can try again it's just to much mentally to cope with. Other half wants us to I'm not so sure x

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