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Reminders/triggees

(7 Posts)
Hulaballoo Wed 22-Mar-17 15:23:42

I find that every time I hear a song from when I was pregnant, it sets me off feeling sad, thinking what ifs and about mums who are due at the same time... Does this get better with time? Just feel so sad and dh now doesn't want any more DC so that was my last shot... Chapter closed 😫 sorry, needed a rant

Keeksxx Wed 22-Mar-17 23:01:37

My Fiancé doesn't want any more either I don't think .. this last pregnancy was a huge shock - I was happy and knew we would make it work , but DF was nervous big time and scared. He was excited by the time the scan came and had accepted it but now after the MMC I don't think we will have another... I feel like asking him outright but I don't want to fight. I only had the procedure today so maybe it's too soon.

I'm really truely sorry you have to go through this. My neighbour is due literally the same date I was and tonight I feel angry at her Facebook posts. So I know what you mean about the mums due at the same time. Don't feel angry at yourself for being emotional or being down - it's okay to feel like this. We deserve to be able to grieve

Lots of love to you . And never say never on the kids front - if you really think another is what's right then he might change his mind ...
Xx

Hulaballoo Thu 23-Mar-17 23:47:18

Thanks weeks, so sorry about your loss, I hope today has gone as well as it could have. Rest up and lots of TLC for you. Xxx

Graphista Fri 24-Mar-17 00:09:34

Today a friends child had their birthday. My babies were also due the same day they'd be 17.

Also 2 particular songs I just can't listen to, one from first mc (they'd be turning 26 this year) one from 2nd.

I think we get better at dealing/concealing our grief, I don't think it gets easier.

I have aunts who've had mc and both grans did too, right until they died they remembered the significant dates and songs etc and that's even though both had conditions affecting their memories,

Hullabaloo, is your loss recent? If so it may simply just be too raw yet for your dh.

Sorry for your losses flowers

Hulaballoo Fri 24-Mar-17 22:14:25

Thanks Graphista, it's good to know roughly what to expect... Despite the sadness. I had my MC in December... Dh doesn't talk about it more, just uses protection when dtd ... I'm 38 this year and he's 39 this year so I feel he's not up for sleepless nights again. I think he's done... Just need to deal with the loss of my MC and a loss of no more... Urghh horrible feeling.

Graphista Sat 25-Mar-17 01:59:35

I also understand the pain of no more children.

I have my dd, but due to a rare condition was advised that to have another pregnancy would risk mine and the baby's life and leaving dd motherless. So different circumstances but same-ish result.

It isn't anywhere near as painful now as when I was at your stage, where I felt a physical emptiness in my gut, couldn't eat, sleep, think beyond what I had to do.

It was also painful for my then husband which I didn't fully appreciate until I had counselling from MA (miscarriage association) Who I definitely recommend.

He was extremely reluctant to dtd for a good few months after, partly worrying about physically hurting me (I'd had to have a few surgeries), partly not wanting to pressure me, partly fear of me becoming pregnant (I was on medication that could cause baby to have deformities). Very difficult.

It won't always hurt like it does now. Hard to explain, Foreseeable triggers like dates have become for me less painful and more a source of reflection.

I light a candle for baby loss awareness, I have a star on my Christmas tree which Is from MA and means my babies are part of Christmas.

Other friends and family have done other things to help them cope/mark the loss. From planting trees/flowers, balloon release (controversial) to raising money for/giving donations to charities associated with mc/baby loss/children generally.

Some people have their scan photos in frames, some can't bear to keep them.

And some people don't like to do any of this, everyone is different and whatever you do is right for you.

ForeverHopeful21 Mon 03-Apr-17 16:41:51

This sounds really trivial, but when anyone offered me a cup of tea after my MC I would burst in to tears. Going off tea was the first sign I ever had that I was pregnant ...even the thought of boiling the kettle would make me heave! My husband stopped bothering to make me a cuppa throughout my pregnancy because he knew I hated it. So when he first offered to make me one after the MC I was heartbroken, but to make matters worse, I really wanted it, and that made me even more upset.

It's only been 3 and a half weeks since my MC, but now every time that I drink tea or make tea for someone else, I give a tiny though to the precious bump that I had. Sometimes it's just a split second thought, but it's actually become a nice acknowledgement rather than a bad feeling.

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