2nd mc in 6 months(3 Posts)
I don't really know where to begin, just feel like I need to write this down somewhere.
Little bit of backstory, I'm 24 and just suffered my 2nd miscarriage. My first was in October. That was an unplanned pregnancy but after the initial fear and panic we really started to get excited about bringing a baby into our lives. I started bleeding at 11 weeks and had to wait 4 days for an appointment. Once I got one, I was told it was a complete miscarriage. I could just about handle it. It took a couple of months to get my head around what had happened but the whole thing made us realise how much we wanted a baby. So we decided to try again.
I had a positive test result about 8 weeks ago now and although we were so excited we tried really hard to not get our hopes up too much in case anything went wrong. I had my last period in November so I immediately handed in my form at my local health centre for a referral for maternity services hoping that as I'd miscarried before they'd be on hand to help me through the worrying early phase of pregnancy. This wasn't the case, 4 weeks later I still hadn't heard anything, I phoned 6 different people or services, went down to my health centre twice where they even gave me the midwife's personal mobile number. I called her, text her and still heard nothing. By this point I could potentially be 14 weeks pregnant (I say potentially as my periods are irregular so can't be sure).
I had gone through morning sickness, was suffering food aversions, had a slight bump and was starting for relax when I started bleeding last week. This miscarriage was a whole different ball game, to cut a long story short I ended up passing out from the sheer amount of blood and staying in hospital.
I feel completely lost and at a complete crossroads. I want a baby so badly, I'm so jealous of everyone else who seemingly has one so easily but I'm too terrified to try again. I'm terrified there's something wrong with me and keep coming back to this feeling that my body has failed me. Isn't this what our bodies are for? I can't bare the thought of not knowing how old my baby was, and I'm so angry at my local midwifery service for leaving me so uninformed.
I don't know what answers I'm looking for on here or why I'm really writing. Guess I just needed to vent and maybe come across other people who can reassure me I'm not alone...
I'm so sorry this is happening to you again. I had an mmc last year and was distraught, I didn't know if I wanted to get pregnant again as I didn't want to go through another possible mc. It's a very horrible time and nothing anyone says to you makes it any better BUT I have had counselling and it has really helped me. I now can see a light at the end of the tunnel and know that really it was my bodies way of telling me that something wasn't right with the baby. It really sucks and is a very stressful time but talk to your family/loved ones as it can really help. Sending you to try to help you feel better. x
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