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Concieving after miscarriage

(30 Posts)
Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 08:16:33

I have just had a devastating miscarriage at 8 weeks (measuring 5) and yesterday I had a MVA. I am now looking forward and have been told to start trying again when I feel ready. I plan on waiting till i stop bleeding and get a negative pregnancy test however unsure if I should be waiting for AF.

Has anyone any advice on this matter? Or has anyone been in this situation? Dr said I am very fertile soon after my miscarriage and i would hate to miss this opportunity.

Hoppinggreen Wed 08-Mar-17 08:22:46

I got pg by accident 1 week after a mmc with surgical intervention ( didn't pay attention to the " you will be very fertile" speech)
My periods hadn't returned and in effect I was of for 12 months!!
In one way it was good because I didn't feel any pressure to conceive again but on the other hand it was really hard as I didn't feel I had properly mourned my baby. Also, a lot of people seemed to think that I was ok and the Mc didn't matter as I was pg again.
I ended up with pnd, undiagnosed but with hindsight pretty obvious and didn't bond with my daughter until she was about 1. Of course this could have happened anyway and could be unconnected.
There are pros and cons to waiting or not so the best thing is to do what feels right for you.
I'm sorry for your loss x

Yoshirabbit Wed 08-Mar-17 08:32:26

Thank you hoppinggreen . It's good to hear you followed with a healthy pregnancy but sadly to hear about your pnd. It's a hard one to call. I probably do need time but I feel the only way to truely get over this is to be pg again. X

Yoshirabbit Wed 08-Mar-17 08:32:29

Thank you hoppinggreen . It's good to hear you followed with a healthy pregnancy but sadly to hear about your pnd. It's a hard one to call. I probably do need time but I feel the only way to truely get over this is to be pg again. X

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 08:36:59

Yes. Time is the best healer but it's so difficult having to wait when all I want is to be pregnant!

Macauley Wed 08-Mar-17 08:37:56

I had a mc at 11 weeks. I had 1 af then started trying to conceive again. I had 1 more then became pregnant. My 8 week old baby is snuggling into me now. Good luck but do give yourself time to process what's happened and gather yourself up again mentally to try again. The support on both ttc after miscarriage and staying positive while pregnant after mc threads here is amazing.

emvy Wed 08-Mar-17 08:55:07

I've been told different things by different professionals in the same building OP! Some said we could start straight after a negative test, others said to wait until first AF. As I have irregular cycles and often miss periods entirely some months, we probably won't wait but tbh it's still very early days after only having had surgery yesterday so we will see how emotionally ready we are then and I think that's the key - emotional readiness. As hoppinggreen mentioned, you're more fertile straight after but you need to have emotionally recovered from your loss. Take the time to make the right decision for you smile

Hoppinggreen Wed 08-Mar-17 09:15:06

I also want to say be very kind to yourself and don't feel you need to " get over" anything in anyone else's timeframe.
I realised after replying to your post that it is in fact today the 12th anniversary of my Mc and it still really hurts, despite having 2 lovely healthy dc now. I do also remember what would have been his/her birthday but I doubt anyone else does ( and I wouldn't expect them too)

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 10:43:09

I feel like I will be emotionally ready fairly soon but I'm terrified that the same will happen again. I was quite laid back in the last pregnancy but I don't feel this will be the case of I manage to concieve again.

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 10:43:12

I feel like I will be emotionally ready fairly soon but I'm terrified that the same will happen again. I was quite laid back in the last pregnancy but I don't feel this will be the case of I manage to concieve again.

emvy Wed 08-Mar-17 10:57:20

I think that's to be expected. A poster on here who has suffered many miscarriages said that she gets through it by telling herself that in the early days she just happens to be pregnant. It doesn't mean she'll have a baby, just that she's pregnant for the time being and takes each day as it comes. I think she has a couple of children as well so has had successful pregnancies. When I read her post, it struck a cord with me and I've decided that I'm going to try my absolute best to go into my next pregnancy thinking like that. I apologise but I can't remember who that was, I wish I could remember! I of course am petrified about it happening again but it's either brush yourself down and try again or not try again because it's too much. And whichever you decide is fine for you but that if you do try again, you get yourself in as good a head space as you can first. Fear will never not be there though, that's for sure.

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 11:01:51

What fantastic advice emvy . A great attitude that I will adopt myself. This is my first miscarriage and i am hopeful but I dont have any children. I going to eat healthy and prepare my body as best I can. I'll not get obsessed with pregnancy tests and just hope the AF doesn't arrive! Getting to 12 weeks will be my first goal!

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 11:01:53

What fantastic advice emvy . A great attitude that I will adopt myself. This is my first miscarriage and i am hopeful but I dont have any children. I going to eat healthy and prepare my body as best I can. I'll not get obsessed with pregnancy tests and just hope the AF doesn't arrive! Getting to 12 weeks will be my first goal!

JaneEyreFunfair Wed 08-Mar-17 11:08:32

I had a miscarriage nearly two weeks ago now. It was my first pregnancy and I was 12 weeks by my LMP, but by the measurements it seemed to have stopped growing very early on.

The doctor told me to wait until I got my next natural period to try again. One reason she gave was that, if there is any pregnancy material left in there after the miscarriage, it will come out with the next period, so you can be sure it's all gone before you get pregnant again. I'm not sure if everyone gets this advice.

Sorry for your loss, it's really, really hard, isn't it? I'm just trying to take things day by day and accept that whatever my emotions are doing on any given day is ok.

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 11:20:31

Hi janeeirefunfair so sorry for your loss. It's is so hard, you're right. If only I had a magic ball, telling me the future would be ok! My Dr just said try when you feel ready. Obviously I only had be procedure yesterday so I'll be taking a few weeks of rest but I'm eager to try again. You spend so many years trying to prevent pregnancy and at 32, when I feel I'm finally ready, this happens! So unfair!

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 11:20:34

Hi janeeirefunfair so sorry for your loss. It's is so hard, you're right. If only I had a magic ball, telling me the future would be ok! My Dr just said try when you feel ready. Obviously I only had be procedure yesterday so I'll be taking a few weeks of rest but I'm eager to try again. You spend so many years trying to prevent pregnancy and at 32, when I feel I'm finally ready, this happens! So unfair!

JaneEyreFunfair Wed 08-Mar-17 11:44:44

I hear you Highshelf! I'm 33 and we've been wanting kids for a few years, but various life circumstances meant we weren't ready to try until last summer. I'm still reasonably positive about our chances, but it still feels like a long time to wait. It took us four months to get pregnant, 12 weeks of this pregnancy, apparently it might be another 8 weeks until I get a normal period - that adds up to what feels like a lot of time just to get back to square 1.

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 11:53:23

We only started trying in January, fell pregnant in February, but I'm hoping to take advantage of the "more fertile after a miscarriage " situation. It does all seem like wasted time. If I knew it would all work out in the end I'd be fine to wait but right now I feel desperate to get started again, hence the unsurity of whether to wait for the next period!

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 11:53:25

We only started trying in January, fell pregnant in February, but I'm hoping to take advantage of the "more fertile after a miscarriage " situation. It does all seem like wasted time. If I knew it would all work out in the end I'd be fine to wait but right now I feel desperate to get started again, hence the unsurity of whether to wait for the next period!

emvy Wed 08-Mar-17 12:40:48

I'm feeling very much the same. Also waited such a long time to be ready in terms of circumstance and now that we're finally here we get robbed of it. I was so excited of the thought of a baby next Christmas and I'm sad that regardless of how quickly we fall again, we won't have a baby for the coming Christmas. I'm sure I'll move forward from that soon.

It was also my first pregnancy and it was twins. A very bizarre thought that I hadn't really got my head around at all before we lost them. However, twins in my family have never been successful so I'm hoping that next time there'll just be the one and I can cling on to that as a positive that the pregnancy will hold. Who knows though, I guess we have to focus on each day instead of the great long stretch of months that would bring us some sort of reassurance in a second pregnancy. Although I've heard from others that the uncertainty never goes entirely!

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 12:51:14

I too was looking g forward to Christmas. Still, there's plenty more Christmases ahead. What I've found is that for some reason I always have a rsincloud hovering over happy events. A recent example being my wedding in November where a very close family member died the week before. The wedding went ahead but no one could fully enjoy the wedding as we were so sad. This is my pregnancy raincloud, whatever happens in the future I will never enjoy a pregnancy as I will have this worry hanging over me! Some may say these things are hear to test us!

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 12:51:17

I too was looking g forward to Christmas. Still, there's plenty more Christmases ahead. What I've found is that for some reason I always have a rsincloud hovering over happy events. A recent example being my wedding in November where a very close family member died the week before. The wedding went ahead but no one could fully enjoy the wedding as we were so sad. This is my pregnancy raincloud, whatever happens in the future I will never enjoy a pregnancy as I will have this worry hanging over me! Some may say these things are hear to test us!

emvy Wed 08-Mar-17 13:04:21

Oh I'm so sorry you seem to keep having these things hanging over you. I like to hope that in terms of future pregnancies, yes, I will have the loss of this pregnancy there with me but I will be able to use the new pregnancy as a positive. For example what would've been the babies' due date - I'll hopefully be pregnant again, Christmas - I'll hopefully be pregnant again. I like to think that my future pregnancy will bring positives rather than my loss bringing negatives. I know I will worry next time but I also know that I will go into my next pregnancy differently because of it - knowing that the first 12 weeks are so delicate and not getting ahead of myself. I am determined to, like you say, make this test that was thrown my way a positive and use it to build strength in my future. It's not going to be easy but we can do this, you can do this but please don't rush yourself. Your next pregnancy, whenever that may be, will not be this last one.

hometownunicorn Wed 08-Mar-17 15:11:00

I'm feeling much the same too, the sense of wasted time in particular feels very relevant to me now. I want everything to be done with (had a natural mc at the weekend and have a scan in 2 weeks to check everything has gone) so I can get back to TTC.

I think it's hard not feeling at all in control, as in most other areas of my life I have a reasonable amount of control or power over situations. However I'm also wary of seeing being pregnant again as a solution or way to move on as I think it puts me (and my OH) under too much pressure so I'm also trying to organise things to look forward to that I can do whether or not I do get pregnant again quickly. I think I was guilty of putting things off just in case I fell pregnant, and one thing I will take from all this is that it's so unpredictable it's more about dealing with where you are at each point than trying to plan for something that may or may not happen. Like you emvy I will try to take something positive into my next pregnancy from this time round. Good luck to all of you.

Highshelf Wed 08-Mar-17 15:30:01

Although my procedure was pretty quick, I still have to wait for the negative pregnancy test. This, I've heard, could take weeks! Like I said earlier, I don't mind waiting if I knew this gs were going to work.out in the end but all this uncertainty makes me want to get things going asap incase the same happens again! emvy you definitely have the right attitude though. It's positive outlooks from here.

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