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Feelings after a miscarriage

(15 Posts)
NessaCares16 Mon 06-Mar-17 22:41:01

I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks on Saturday it was a horrific experience that i can not put into words and now i have all sorts of feelings.
I feel numb and sad aswell as feeling like its my fault?
I feel abit traumatized by the whole thing
I know it sounds strange but i also feel like i have lost apart of me.
I have been crying since saturday and i feel alone and isolated as only a few people knew about the pregnancy.
Would be good to speak to other who have been through it for some guidance x

hometownunicorn Tue 07-Mar-17 08:05:55

Hi @NessaCares16 I'm going through the same thing, also at 9 weeks and happened on Saturday. I swing between feeling kind of ok and accepting of it as a very unlucky but quite common thing, feeling quite numb, and being really tearful. I don't really have any perspective as I'm in the middle of it myself, but I can tell you what I've found helpful so far.

The miscarriage association website and leaflets seem really useful, as they're pretty clear and easy to read. Some of the threads on here have been great as well, esp the one on the practicalities of miscarriage which helped me understand what was going on and feel able to manage the physical side of it.

Did you go to a&e or epu? I was given a leaflet about counselling by epu and it might be worth investigating talking to a professional in time if you feel like you need it? I've also taken yesterday and today off work to give myself a bit of space, and booked in a couple of things to look forward to so it's not all bleak. I don't know if I'm doing it right (there isn't a right or wrong way really), or any of those things would work for you but maybe worth thinking about what kind of things might help you feel less alone or sad.

But alongside trying to feel better, it's ok to feel bad. This is a horrible thing to happen to both of us and it would be wrong to pretend it's all ok. I'm pretty sure it's normal to feel all the things you describe. They certainly sound very much like how I'm feeling.

And finally, the epu nurse said to me very clearly that it's not my fault. What happened to you also isn't your fault.

I hope that helps a little. I'm sorry for your loss.

fizzicles Tue 07-Mar-17 08:18:35

It is horrible, I'm so sorry for both of you. I had a miscarriage at the same sort of time 3 years ago. Of course you feel miserable and numb and frightened and tearful, however you are processing it is ok.

I remember feeling it was my fault, feeling like I couldn't grieve properly because t wasn't a 'proper' loss, frightened that I might never have another baby, so many different things.

My advice would be to take the time off work that you need. I took 1 week off, but it might have been better to take longer. And find someone you trust who you can talk to about it. It hurts so much, but it will get better.

Much love to you x

NessaCares16 Tue 07-Mar-17 08:35:17

Thank you so much for your response.
I am sorry to hear what you are going through and also sorry for your loss.

It all started on Friday when i went to a&e with some bleeding and mild cramps was there for 3 hours not much was done they did book me for an early scan on monday and i was sent home as the bleeding had stopped an advised to take paracetamol.
I felt ok but during the night the pain got worse so i went back into a&e where i was sort of thrown from one doctor to another.
The pain was unbearable i could not walk i couldnt sit down i was just wishing it would stop.

As the bleeding actually got heavy i knew what was happening but the doc never confirmed it.
To cut a long story short i was in the hospital for around ten hours all the waiting aroung and an then eventually been transfered to emergency gynaecology unit which as it was saturday they were running a slower service with not many staff in.
By this point i knew i was going through the miscarriage the amount of blood and pain had me convinced.
The time i had a scan it looked like i had passed everything (tmi sorry) and i was sure of it as i saw quite alot as i passed blood.

I was not given advice on what will happend next or even on the amount of pain i would be feeling there was not much sympathy shown by the staff there which really made me feel like nobody cares.

After the scan they took some bloods and asked me to come back for a scan monday to confirm it is not etopic.

Since then i have taken time off work and found myself alone. I was given details of a counselling service on the phone which really helps me talk about my feelings.
Monday i went in for the results of the blood tests and took more blood again not much info was given to me which made me frustrated.
I was told to take a pregnancy test in 2 weeks and call the gynaecology unit with result.
I just wish i had more answers as i keep overthinking things and wanting to blame myself.

hometownunicorn Tue 07-Mar-17 10:10:27

Thanks @fizzicles that's really helpful to hear. Sorry for your loss, and it's also good to know that you came out the other side.

I'm so sorry about what happened to you @NessaCares16 It sounds like people were much less understanding and helpful than they were with me. One other thing that the nurse at epu said to me that was really helpful was that women know their bodies and usually are right when they think they've miscarried. I think somehow that made me feel a bit more confident in what I'd chosen to do (didn't go to a&e as I didn't fancy waiting for hours surrounded by Saturday night drunks and I thought I'd rather be miserable and in pain in my own bed). I'm so sorry the doctor wouldn't confirm it to you, as you obviously did know and you were right to be worried. What staff say and do really does make a difference and I wish they could have been more caring for you.

NessaCares16 Tue 07-Mar-17 10:26:10

Thank you @hometownunicorn just for understanding. It really makes a difference when people understand what you are going through.
Are you able to talk about it to family and friends?
I still like its quite raw and I get really tearful discussing it even when i told work over the phone i could not stop crying.
Even though it was an unplanned pregnancy i just still feel so hurt and the guilt of wishing i had done things differently when i found out i was pregnant

NessaCares16 Tue 07-Mar-17 10:29:38

Thank you @fizzicles for your advice it gives me encouragement knowing you have got through it.
How do you move on in terms of having a baby in the future and just the worry of coping if I do get pregnant again? x

Yoshirabbit Tue 07-Mar-17 10:52:42

I'm just back from the hospital today after having a miscarriage on Friday. It's been a very long process and it is this that I am struggling with. I've accepted what has happened and want to move on. I have had moderate pain and some clots but I'm unsure if I've passed everything. I've been to hospital 3 times since my first signs on Thursday. Had blood taken each time and a scan. The scan copy firmed a 'healthy' pregnancy of 5+4 weeks when I should have been 8. This set off alarm bells. I was told my numerous people that this could be normal and for this reason they have to wait 2 weeks for another scan to confirm something has passed. The bleeding has slowly increases and I know the pregnancy is over but no one seems to want to confirm this. Bloods have shown a slight rise is levels but not enough to determine a viable pregnancy. So I now have to wait till 17th for another scan. This will be a 2 week ordeal! I too also worry about the future. Will I be able to carry a baby full term? This was my first pregnancy and so no way of knowing!

hometownunicorn Tue 07-Mar-17 14:25:07

@NessaCares16 thank you. Yes, I do have people to talk to. My OH is being amazing, although he's really upset too, so I want to make sure he's supported. I also had told a couple of friends just in case this happened who've been really lovely. I haven't told work though, for various reasons, so that might be a bit of a challenge when I go back.

@Yoshirabbit I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm also struggling with how long it all takes - according to my scan I have quite a lot still to pass and that's really difficult as in many ways I just want it to be done. I hope you have good support around you

Yoshirabbit Tue 07-Mar-17 18:09:24

Just thought I'd update you all. I went back today for blood test. Levels had dropped and so had another scan. This showed that sac had collapsed. Luckily Dr was in who said she had enough evidence to confirm a miscarriage and so was happy for me to have a procedure asap. There was a slot today and so I have just had a MVA (manual vacuum asporation). This involved suction without anaesthetic. Not gonna li, it was painful but only last 10 mins and the pain was gone straight after. Now back home with mild cramps. Second scan confirmed it had been successful. I'm now pleased that it's all over and I can move on. Feeling positive about the future. The Dr said I can start trying again whenever I feel ready and that 99% of people then go on to have a healthy pregnancy. Fingers crossed. Hope everyone else doing OK.

Yoshirabbit Tue 07-Mar-17 18:09:27

Just thought I'd update you all. I went back today for blood test. Levels had dropped and so had another scan. This showed that sac had collapsed. Luckily Dr was in who said she had enough evidence to confirm a miscarriage and so was happy for me to have a procedure asap. There was a slot today and so I have just had a MVA (manual vacuum asporation). This involved suction without anaesthetic. Not gonna li, it was painful but only last 10 mins and the pain was gone straight after. Now back home with mild cramps. Second scan confirmed it had been successful. I'm now pleased that it's all over and I can move on. Feeling positive about the future. The Dr said I can start trying again whenever I feel ready and that 99% of people then go on to have a healthy pregnancy. Fingers crossed. Hope everyone else doing OK.

Cocoabean25 Tue 07-Mar-17 18:55:40

So sorry to hear about all of your stories. I had a miscarriage 8 weeks ago and although I still get very tearful and feel like part of me is missing it does get easier. I think about the baby everyday and don't think we'll ever forget. It really helps me to talk about the experience to understanding people. Take each day step by step, I think that's the only way to cope xxxx

NessaCares16 Tue 07-Mar-17 19:50:37

@cocoabean25 i am glad to hear that you are coping it really gives me hope that i can get through this just taking each day as it comes xx

Cocoabean25 Tue 07-Mar-17 20:48:46

We're also always here to talk to as well. I got a bracelet from pandora with some charms on which I wear everyday as I like to think about the baby. I still feel very low but have been told all this is normal xxx

NessaCares16 Tue 07-Mar-17 21:24:15

@cocoabean25 thank you
I am here if you wana talk or just need support really means alot x

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