First pregnancy, first miscarriage

[Luluringo]

Hi everyone. I'm new to mums net but after a awful weekend of Googling and trawling through discussion boards, I thought I'd share my story in the hope of finding someone who has been through a similar situation.

I am 32 and today it was more or less confirmed that I am miscarriage my first pregnancy at around 8 weeks.

It began 3 days ago on Thursday evening when I went to the toilet and found brown stringy blood upon wiping. My OH called 911who got a Dr to call me. He said it could be normal but to rest and go to a&e if it got any worse. The next morning I felt a slight cramp in my stomach and so we decided to go to a&e. They took my blood and arranged a scan. Based on LMP I should have been 8 weeks but the scan showed 5 weeks and a faint yolk sac. Again I was told not to worry and it was probably implant bleeding.

This didn't sit right with me. How could I be 5 weeks? It just didn't make sense. I was further confused. Nurse said scan looked fine and HGC levels were normal for 5 weeks. A further scan was scheduled for 2 weeks time.

I returned home. That evening the cramps got worse and the brown discharge became red. I called the hospital the next morning and was told to go in the next day (sunday/today) for another blood test. HGC levels showed a slight increase but not as much as they expected so I have been told this is a probable miscarriage.

Tbh, I suspected this from the first sign of blood. Now the cramps are still there and the red blood remains. It's not filling a sanitary pad completely but still, it's there.

I am devastated and my worry now is that I will never be able to hold a pregnancy. What make thingsure worse is that a few years back I had a medical abortion. The biggest regret of my life. I worry that I've damaged myself and this is karma. My punishment for that terrible act.

I would be grateful if anyone, who has experienced anything similar, could offer their views on this. My next appointment is Tuesday to further test my levels but I know the outcome!

[UndersecretaryofWhimsy]

First of all, it's incredibly, incredibly common for a first pregnancy to end in miscarriage. Nearly all miscarriages happen because the embryo isn't genetically viable - nothing you did or could have done, just bad sodding luck.

I had a similar experience - started bleeding at 7wks in my first pregnancy and a scan showed the pregnancy hadn't progressed past 5 weeks. I conceived again a few months later and had a healthy baby.

The fact that you've had an abortion in the past is nothing to do with this, I can promise you. You have every chance of having a completely normal pregnancy next time.

It's rotten I know. Let yourself grieve and be very kind and gentle to yourself. But odds are very much in your favour that you will be able to have a successful pregnancy before long.

[ExplodedCloud]

I've had a couple of miscarriages and do have children.
First of all for your likely loss. It's not easy.
The good news is that if I remember correctly, one miscarriage has no effect whatsoever on the likelihood of future pregnancies being successful. Depending on the type of abortion it's also probable that this will have no effect.
It's really very common to have a miscarriage. If you talk to other women with children a lot of them will have been there too.
Don't get hung up on karma. You aren't being punished.

[Luluringo]

Thank you undersecretaryofWhimsy for your reply. It's reassuring to know others have been in the same boat. I'm trying to be positive for my OH but inside I'm riddled with guilt, upset and confusion! We only started trying in january and found out i was pregnant in the feb but had all my hopes pinned on this pregnancy. Timing just seemed so perfect! Obviously it wasn't meant to be.

If you don't mind me asking, how long after your miscarriage were you told you could try to concieve again? My only distraction is looking forward.

[ExplodedCloud]

I'd wait until you've had a period so you have your dates right.

[UndersecretaryofWhimsy]

You will get different answers on that. Doctors will sometimes tell you to wait one cycle/three cycles. Tbh this is not because there is any risk to the pregnancy if you conceive again sooner but because a) it's harder to date a pregnancy if you haven't had a period in the interim and that often leads to unnecessary stress and upset for the woman b) most people do need to take time to grieve and process.

Here is my story fwiw. I 'coped OK' but was obsessed with getting pregnant again immediately. But it was because on some level I thought that if I was upduffed again immediately I could make the miscarriage not have happened. In reality, it took weeks after for my hormones to settle and my period to arrive, during which I had constant pregnancy symptoms and tortured myself with test after negative test. If I were doing it again I'd wait at least one cycle. I also wasn't able to grieve and move on until I admitted i was in denial and couldn't replace the lost pregnancy.

Only you can decide when you're ready again but I would honestly suggest thinking about waiting one cycle. All best x

[Luluringo]

Thank you explodedCloud. Again, so reassuring to hear your comments. It was a medical abortion. A stupid, stupid decision that we bother regret. Too young and foolish. I know I need to get this guilt out of my head and the worry with future pregnancies but its so hard.

[Luluringo]

Yes undersecretaryofWhimsy, you're probably right. I too am obsessed and I still haven't had the official confirmation of this miscarriage or final scan, despite knowing it's definitely over! I even went to get conception multivitamins today!! I keep looking at my calender, counting weeks and working everything out! Madness!

[29redshoes]

I'm sorry for your loss

Please, please stop feeling guilty and blaming yourself. It's nothing you did and it's sadly very common, it's just people don't talk about it much.

My first pregnancy also ended in miscarriage. I got pregnant again three months later (I was told I could start trying sooner but I didn't feel ready). The result of that pregnancy is now ten months old and sleeping in the room next door

I know it's awful now but it will get better.

[ExplodedCloud]

If it was the right decision at the time then it wasn't foolish imo
Give yourself a bit of time to process this loss. Then when you feel ready try again. Personally it helped me to marvel at the many things that have to go right to produce a human. It's an incredible process that seems so improbable with genetics and everything. My brain still boggles at my dc existing!

[Luluringo]

Thank you 29redshoes. I think it's all so raw but this chat is definitely making me feel better. Congratulations on the birth of your little one. So pleased everything going worked other for you and I am hopeful the same will happen to me.

[Luluringo]

Explodedcloud, you're completly right. Even getting pregnant is a marvel what with everything being right at that exact time! Unfortunately, I'm at a stage in my life where all my friends are pregnant and having babies. I even had a baby shower yesterday! Not good for the mental state of mind!

[Luluringo]

Thank you cluelessinstyle a great story to hear. It's onwards and upwards from here. Can't wait to start trying again!

[Chinnygirl]

My fertility clinic advises to wait one cycle before ttc again. So after your miscarriage wait till the next period begins and then ttc again.

They also told me you mostly miscarry because there is something wrong with the embryo. Basically the body recognises that it cannot stay alive so it miscarries early instead. Maybe your miscarriage has prevented a lot of suffering and pain for the baby. But it still is a very very sad thing to go through. I hope you will get through this quickly and good luck

[Luluringo]

Thanks chinnygirl. Think I'll definitely wait 1 cycle. Would hate to try too early and for this to happen again. I'm usually quite a strong person, not very emotional, but this has knocked me for six! I was very realistic in telling myself not to build my hopes up as things go wrong, they have and I'm still not prepared!

[Chinnygirl]

Lulu, I don't think it matters that much if you are prepared. I was and I have had miscarriages before but you still get sad because your hormones are all over the place. Tbh I really need the month wait in between to get my emotional and physical strength back. But about 4-6 weeks after I am the old me again. You do bounce back.