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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Just need to rant...

13 replies

Cocoabean25 · 28/02/2017 20:32

It will be 8 weeks ago tomorrow (Wednesday) that I miscarried my tiny baby and I still feel so lonely and empty and like I'm in a hole. I would say things are starting to get easier in that I'm not such a crying mess all day but I'm still crying myself to sleep most nights and still miss the baby / being pregnant so much. I don't understand how it can be 8 weeks since I lost the baby. These 8 weeks they should have been growing inside me. I also would have had my 3 month scan last week and I'm so angry that this couldn't happen. I don't think I'm ever going to 'get over' this as I will never forget the baby. I still think about them all day and constantly want to talk about them and how much love I had / have. I can't help but think how unfair it is. I miss the baby so much and would do anything to have them back 😞 When I found out I was pregnant I found this toy mouse I was going to get if everything was ok at the 3 month scan, which obviously didn't happen. When I was shopping over the weekend I was in M and S and saw the mouse and it was horrible. I was tempted to buy it anyway as a memory but think I'm still too emotional to do that. The world seems like a very horrible and unfair place right now 😥

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ineedwine99 · 28/02/2017 20:34

So sorry OP. I wish I could say something to help but I can't

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Lapinlapin · 28/02/2017 20:37

I'm sorry

It's so hard.

I know everyone is different, and some people need a total break from TTC after a miscarriage.
For me though, getting pregnant again helped enormously.

I hope you manage to have another successful pregnancy. You won't ever forget the baby you lost, but it does get easier.

And I think you should buy the mouse.

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Itsjustaphase84 · 28/02/2017 20:42

I'm so sorry to hear that. I think you should buy the mouse. Show it to a friend or family member and tell them about it. At some point you will find it easier slightly. It might help speaking to a counsellor or someone who has been through it. Just talking to someone who will listen can make all the difference. X

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Catlady100 · 01/03/2017 08:44

Sorry that you are going through this. I know how you feel, I lost my baby at 10 weeks in the summer and it was the hardest thing I've been through. It did get easier to cope but it's a real struggle.

I kept seeing things that reminded be so I understand about the mouse. I wonder if it might help to buy it and have that physical reminder? The thing I found hard is not having anything physical - as there were no scan pics etc. Only you will know if that helps x thinking of you

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Cocoabean25 · 02/03/2017 18:46

Thanks for your kind words. I will think about getting the mouse. I cannot believe it has been 8 weeks. I wonder how I still be grieving so much when it has been 8 weeks but I can't stop thinking that I should be about 15 weeks pregnant now xxx

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TwentyTinyToes · 02/03/2017 18:53

I think you should buy the mouse. I had a blighted ovum at 12 weeks (discovered a year ago today) and I wish I had bought my baby something. I think it would be a comfort when I think of the baby that wasn't to be.

I'm so sorry OP. It will get better over time.

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IndianaMoleWoman · 02/03/2017 18:58

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I will never forget the immense grief, anger and jealousy I felt. And all the questions: why me? Why not them? Will it ever be my turn for a baby? Why does it hurt so, so much?

But it did get better. It took a long, long time. Eventually a short course of medication and counselling. But it did get better. I hope you feel better soon

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Cocoabean25 · 03/03/2017 19:40

I got the mouse today. It was nice to buy something for the baby but very unsettling and not sure I was entirely ready but hope it will help to comfort me at night. I'm glad you all think it's ok for me to still be grieving. It does hurt so much xx

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MollyHuaCha · 03/03/2017 19:45

Warm hugs for you. Glad you got the little mouse. x

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Itsjustaphase84 · 05/03/2017 14:31

That's lovely to hear OP xx

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Itsjustaphase84 · 05/03/2017 14:32

That's lovely to hear OP xx glad you got the mouse. Your grief sounds perfectly normal to me. Take care x

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Cocoabean25 · 06/03/2017 14:04

Thank you. I get so angry when people expect me to be over this and then it makes me doubt whether it's ok to still feel the way I do. It's so lovely to speak to you all on here because you understand how I feel xxxx

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Cocoabean25 · 09/03/2017 21:59

Had an especially bad day today 😥 Feeling so lonely and like I just want to curl into a ball and scream and cry. Carrying on with normal everyday things feels so hard at the moment when I just want to grieve and take time out. It doesn't help that I'm exhausted because haven't spelt properly since all this has happened. Anyone else have these bad days/weeks?