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Miscarriage at 8 weeks - what to expect?

(3 Posts)
Chintaria Tue 28-Feb-17 11:08:44

I think I am starting to miscarry - I had a couple of worrying early scans, so have been expecting it to come to an end really. We conceived twins, although one had stopped developing so we just saw the empty sac.
This is my 13th pregnancy - I have had many losses (but luckily have 2 beautiful dc), have had to go through labour in the second trimester, had many d&c's, but surprisingly have never been through a natural miscarriage. I am feeling pretty nervous and had hoped I would be able to have a d&c but last night I started to bleed a bit. I had cramps overnight, but just mild ones, and then a bit more light bleeding this morning.
I'd like to know what to expect please? My normal periods are so bad I throw up (I have endometriosis) so am concerned about the pain. I also don't want to flush my baby away but not sure how to go about that either really 😢
Any advice would be really appreciated, thank you 😞

J2008 Tue 28-Feb-17 20:46:32

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I went through a similar situation 3 weeks ago with my first pregnancy and I think I can help by telling you what I have been through as what your going through physically was close to me.

I started of having very light spotting for a couple of days which then on the weekend turned to period like bleeding on the saturday and then the sunday slightly more. On the Sunday night I passed a small clot when I was out visiting family (the one mistake I made was not going to A&E though any of this) , I was so scared and confused and online a lot of forums talk of bleeding being normal in early pregnancy. I did have cramps off and on light and painful over these days of bleeding but on that sunday night things were more intense.

Me and my partner came home and went straight to bed because I was extremely uncomfortable and tired, the pain was not as bad as I was lying down but whatever i did i couldn't seem to get comfortable, I asked my partner to get my a hot water bottle, when he was downstairs I turned on my side and felt something strange some out, thinking it was a blood clot I started to panic and when to the toilet.

Straight away I saw it wasn't a blood clot, it was the baby in the amniotic sac, it is the most surreal and heartbreaking thing to see I was immediately sick and distraught. I placed the baby in some tissue and had no option but to sit on the toilet from then on for the next few hours. The blood was constant and didn't stop for nothing. I passed many clots (about 7/8) and couldn't really do much more. Again I will point out I should have rang a&E my partner didn't think it was needed, but looking back I should have gone in as I don't know how much blood is normal or worrying.

I couldn't stop looking at my baby (about 9 weeks) I'd heard about people flushing their babes, but personally the only way I can understand that is if you start heavy bleeding sit on the toilet and pass many clots and the baby comes out along with the clots and therefore you can't see the baby, but if you physically see the baby you have no choice but to keep it. The baby at this stage isn't fully developed, but you can see its a baby (if that makes sense) it's pretty clear and it makes it all so real.

I was up until 4 so It was the next morning I went to hospital to have examinations and scans to see if the baby was there, despite me telling them I has seen my baby they felt the need to repeat the fact they couldn't see my baby, which did make it harder. I did have a fews complications with hormone levels but was all okay with the following week.

I was bleeding like a period with some clots for over a week and then little bits of bleeding here and there, I'm still suffering with stomach pain and uncomfortable cramps, but mainly have a lot of hair loss and tiredness.

It took me a while to decide what to do with my baby because I didn't want to bury them as I might move one day. I drove around the grave yard one day looking at plots some of my family are at to possible bury them there but I just couldn't, I wanted them near ( I know this might sound silly).

In the end I found a lovely silver box, I wrapped a wash cloth around the baby and tied a bow around it, we each wrote a personal note to the baby and placed the notes and baby in the box, which I think tied little bows around in blue and pink. We went out and bought a big long lasting potted plant and pot. The flowers bloom pink and turn into big white pretty flowers in summer. I still haven't had the courage of burying the baby in the pot just yet but I will this week as I know I can't keep this on hold forever.

We didn't want to always refer to the baby as 'it' as we have no gender so I found a name that was unisex and that had a calming meaning. I honestly can not express to you how is going to make a difference and doing something like this for your baby, it is hard to think of how and what when it comes to it because there aren't many options around for miscarried babies.

Despite its easier to think in some ways its better to not have seen the baby, I believe its the best thing for the mother, it helps with the grieving, knowing you've seen your baby and knowing their in a safe place close you.

I feel guilty everyday, despite not really understanding what was happening when it all started I did feel like something was up and if I had gone to the hosp they may have done a dandc,which now I think I was meant to not go to hosp because I got to see my baby.

Try not to worry, just take it easy and stay glued to a hot water bottle, it will come as its supposed to, whether you see your baby or not just think of it as meant to be. Just make sure you have someone with you, because if you start to heavy bleed it is hard to move from the toilet and its not something you'll want to be alone for. Like I said mine happened with 4 days of it starting, however some people wait weeks for the baby to eventually pass.

Again I'm so sorry for what is happening to you, please let me know how everything goes and how you are doing. I've tried to be as honest as I can be. xxxxx

Chintaria Tue 28-Feb-17 21:48:29

Oh J2008 I'm so very sorry for what you've been through. Thank you for being so honest, it can't have easy to type all that out flowers
Having been through losing babies all I can tell you is that is does get easier with time, but those first weeks are so very upsetting. I had almost forgotten how awful it is, that terrible feeling of desperately yearning to keep something that is not able to stay with you. My first loss will stay with me forever - I had a d&c and remember leaving the hospital and feeling like there was a piece of elastic between me and the baby that was stretching too thin. It was heartbreaking - you just want them back where they are supposed to be sad I have to say that your idea of burying your baby in the plant pot is a lovely one, and made me well up. One of my babies that I lost in the second trimester is buried in a graveyard not too far from us and it does give me a bit of comfort that we can visit him when we need to.
Your description of what to expect really helped. I know it's going to be awful. I almost wish it would happen, rather than dragging on... My cramps aren't as bad as they were earlier, but I keep getting the odd sharp shooting pain. The bleeding has definitely become heavier, but only tiny little clots so far.
Thanks again for your post, and know that I am thinking of you and sending you strength to get through this heartbreaking time flowers

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