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returning to life after ERPC MMC

(7 Posts)
Kilo3 Mon 20-Feb-17 10:14:02

Hi, I had an erpc last week after 13w routine scan showed no heartbeat and foetus had died at 9w. Totally unexpected as still had pregnancy symptoms and had no pain/bleeding. I'm so gutted as getting pregnant made me the happiest I had been since losing my dad and being trapped in depression for 2 years. I have to now think about returning to work but I had been put on different duties whilst I was pregnant and the thought of going back to my normal shift work just fills me with dread. I have no opportunity to follow a career now thanks to extortionate uni fees and I can't even afford a holiday to take my mind off things. I want to ttc asap but still bleeding and in pain. OH doesn't want to come near me now. I have no children and OH is a lot older than me so I feel like I may have ended all his hopes. I just don't have anything to be happy about anymore. Anyone else been in this situ?

user1486334704 Mon 20-Feb-17 10:22:31

There are no words that will make you feel better at present and I'm so so sorry for your loss. It's absolutely heartbreaking.

I had MMC at 9.5 weeks last summer, opted for termination/ERPC. Couldn't face waiting for it to happen naturally.

I'm now 12 weeks pregnant. It's easy to say 'don't worry it can't happen again' and that's what I tell myself every day but doesn't stop me being terrified. Each scan is like an endurance test.

What I'm saying is, you'll never feel worse than you do now. But you WILL get better. I promise you. Each day gets easier.

Wishing you lots of luck for the future xxx

Kilo3 Mon 20-Feb-17 14:22:12

Thanks. I know deep down that things will get better but I hadn't planned for this at all. I came off shift duties in order to protect myself fully but I still lost it. I did everything I could to keep it. I'm not yet back at work, partly because I'm still in pain and bleeding, and partly because I can't face the pitiful glances and having to explain that I'm not pregnant anymore.

user1486334704 Mon 20-Feb-17 15:38:41

Give yourself as much time as you need to face the world again. Don't think 'I should be xxxx' ... do whatever feels right in your own time. It's such a shock to you physically and mentally you need to concentrate on getting 'all of you' over this. Sending lots of love

user1486334704 Mon 20-Feb-17 15:40:32

And don't even think that it was in any way anything you did or didn't do. In the fullness of time when you can read and research without upsetting yourself - you'll understand and accept the 'chromosomal' reasons your baby didn't survive. Don't put yourself through that yet but know that you are in no way to blame x

UnbornMortificado Mon 20-Feb-17 15:44:30

Kilo pregnancy loss takes its toll. I'm very sorry flowers

One thing I will say (and it's from personal experience) please, please keep an eye on your mood with the previous depression. It's very easy to fall back down the hole.

Is your DP not being very supportive? He really should, I get it was both your baby, but it's you who's had to go through all the physical loss.

SloanePeterson Mon 20-Feb-17 15:51:49

With regards to 'he doesn't want to come near me now' he could just be being respectful of giving you some space. After my mmc and erpc I felt awful and tbh probably pushed Dh away unintentionally. I felt hugely overwhelmed, not just at the loss but also with the enormity of what had happened, I nearly died as I started to miscarry very heavily and very suddenly. I'm still not back to full health 5 months later. You don't need a holiday, try and do small nice things for yourself. I bought myself flowers every week at the beginning. I do this anyway but made a real effort to perhaps pick a nicer bunch than I would normally. I tried to get out every day when I was strong enough too. Don't feel forced to see people until you're ready, I found other people's upset more difficult to deal with than my own and found it very hard to put a brave face on for a good while. It sounds trite but could you try to find something positive to focus on? If you're intending to ttc again, focus in getting a really good diet in place? I've had to up my iron intake by a huge amount and it's made me feel better in all sorts of ways. But this is all stuff that you don't have to action immediately. For now, rest, and try and talk to your dp if you can. I think my Dh didn't want to do/say anything to upset me, which took its toll on him too.

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