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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Struggling after miscarriage

9 replies

Cocoabean25 · 13/02/2017 22:45

I had a miscarriage 5 and a bit weeks ago now when I was nearly 2 months pregnant. I had symptoms before I officially found out so kind of knew what was going on and then had time to build a bond. I am absolutely devastated to have lost my baby and feel so useless and alone. I feel like I should have done more to try and save the baby, like rest when I started to bleed, but I didn't and I can't help think that if I had rested I might still be pregnant.

I miss my baby everyday and would do anything to have them back. I'm so heartbroken because they have been taken away and I know there's nothing I can do to get them back.

The dad is being supportive but we weren't officially together so I feel like he should just get on with his life and leave me to it, which I'm scared he will actually do. He says he's proud of how well I'm doing, that I'm a wonderful person and this situation has brought us closer than he ever could have imagined but I think I'm pushing him away by being so upset all time and needy.

I am having some better days but I thought I would be feeling better by now and I'm sure everything thinks I should be over this. I'm definitely an overthinker which doesn't help the situation!

It feels like the world has been turned upside down and although I'm at work and doing normal things inside I feel absolutely ripped apart.

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Iggi999 · 17/02/2017 00:10

How are you now Cocoa? Try to be kind to yourself, this is not something you get over easily but you will feel better in the end. I have lost several babies and had two dcs and you could not have picked from my behaviour which ones were which - if you had started to bleed in early pg you could have lain in bed all you like sadly I think it would not have made a jot of difference.
It really is still early days for you, don't be hard on yourself if you feel you haven't snapped back to normal emotionally, it doesn't work like that.

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Cocoabean25 · 18/02/2017 22:38

Thanks for replying. Still feeling really emotional. I did think I'd be feeling better after 6 weeks but I think how upset I am shows how much I love the baby. It's nice to hear that other people were still struggling by this stage. Still grieving an unbelievable amount xxx

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Miloarmadillo1 · 18/02/2017 22:47

It's normal to struggle. Most women have planned out their baby's whole life the day after they saw 2 lines on a stick, you need to grieve for that future you envisaged. Reach out to friends, miscarriage is sadly very common though people don't talk about it, you will be surprised how many people will understand. I found it helped to have a little ceremony to say goodbye, choose a special plant or a piece of jewellery to represent the baby, write a poem or a letter - just give your feelings an outlet however seems meaningful to you.

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Thingymaboob · 18/02/2017 22:49

6 weeks is such a short amount of time. You cannot rush it. There is no expectation of when you should get over it. I had an MC in October - thought I was over it, then found out my sister in law was pregnant at Christmas. I cried for a week. I was hysterical. It's only now that I'm ttc again. Still think about the MC everyday.

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NennyNooNoo · 18/02/2017 23:12

It's very very unlikely, OP, that you could have prevented the miscarriage, OP. Please don't blame yourself for this or think there was anything you could have done to stop it. Sadly, about a quarter of all pregnancies just aren't meant to be. At this early stage, it's usually because it wasn't able to become a viable healthy baby.
It takes longer to heal emotionally than it does physically after a miscarriage. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself.

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MimiTheWonderGoat · 18/02/2017 23:37

So sorry for your loss OP. I had a missed mc at 12 weeks and that baby's due date was Valentine's day, 2014. I cried my eyes out the other day on what would possibly have been that baby's 3rd birthday. I had a second mc three months later and was equally devasted.
There's nothing you can do to prevent a miscarriage once it has started, so please don't blame yourself.
I now have a beautiful little girl, but will never forget the two I lost.
Big hugs x

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Cocoabean25 · 19/02/2017 12:56

I ask all the time how it's possible to grieve so much for a tiny baby I never met but I still love that baby so much even though I never met them. I got a bracelet from pandora with some charms to symbolise the baby but I've got to the point of not being able to let that bracelet out of my sight now. I feel like curling into a ball and crying so much. Everything seems so pointless without the baby here and I feel so useless. I think I need to have some counselling because I have no idea how else I'll cope with this otherwise. I'm a very emotional person and think that's why this has hit me more.

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Iggi999 · 20/02/2017 06:55

You need to get through one day at a day for now. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Counselling might help (I have had it) but I would suggest that you are currently in early stages of grief and not displaying any behaviours that aren't normal for someone losing a loved baby.

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Cocoabean25 · 20/02/2017 17:22

A new work colleague asked today if I have any children and it was like a stab in the heart. I said no and it felt so horrible to say that 😥