At the start of January we had our 12 week scan. We were immediately ushered up to a special room and told something was wrong. The following day we had a CVS test and the following week we received the devastating diagnosis that our baby had Edwards Syndrome and wouldn't survive. We made the horrible decision not to wait for a still birth, but to have a termination at 14 weeks before the baby could develop further. That was 5 days ago.
We tried for so long to get pregnant that the termination broke my heart. It still does.
DH (although not very D right now) had been struggling with this too. We're both having waves of upset. His way of dealing with it is to pretend it's not happened and to carry on as normal. The termination was on Friday and he was back in work on Monday. It's not Tuesday and I've not gone back. I don't think IBU given its only been 5 few days and I'm still heartbroken let alone bleeding FFS. He's digging at me. Making comments that I should be working and obviously resenting me bring off. Does he not understand our baby died?!! I understand his going back to work is his way of coping, but piss off and leave me alone. I wasn't planning on taking too long off work, I thought a week was reasonable and not lazy though????
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
DH angry I'm not working after loss
leighdinglady · 24/01/2017 14:33
I'm sorry for your loss OP and agree that your H is being a knob.
A week off sounds like a good plan. 
I'd interpret his actions as someone who is suffering an awful loss but can't bear to see others the same way. Makes it real and acknowledges it happened. Easier for that person for you to go back to work so he can go back to work and not think about your loss.
Whatever about blocking it out and just carrying on, as DH's way of dealing with the terrible situation you are both faced with...
YOU have had to undergo a medical procedure, you are suffering the aftermath, and I suspect you have probably been medically signed off for at least a few days to recover.
It's not all about being mentally ready to "pick up and carry on", which, without trying to sound harsh, is all that he has to do. You not only have to do that but also physically recover from the aftermath of the pregnancy and termination. That's not to say that you are wallowing in it, but you literally do need some time to recover medically, as well as probably a lot longer to come to terms with it - although that latter part may suit you to be back at work or to have some longer time off.
Everyone deals with grief differently.
But you, as the woman, have to deal with medical recovery as well.
Take the few days. Don't rush. Don't wallow (and I really hope that my wording doesn't offend, it is meant supportively) - but take the time you need and then come back to the support of friends and others who can help you to comprehend what has happened and deal with it (not locking yourself away long term - that's what I mean, even if it's really badly expressed).
So sorry
Take your time and deal with it the way that is best for you. I agree with PP, it's not just an emotional loss but a physical one as well.
I had a MMC at 11.5 weeks and it knocked me for 6. I was off work for a month (I work with children, so found it impossible to be near them) and had bereavement counselling, which was very helpful.
My DH just got on with it, but he supported me fully. He said he didn't feel he could break down because I needed him to be strong.
I found select friends to be incredibly supportive, and talking about it with others helped, but do whatever feels best for you.
I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks 4 months ago and in all honesty it's only in the last few weeks I've started to feel anywhere near better, not emotionally but physically. I've had horrendous, constant bleeding and fatigue. I don't work as I'm a full time carer to our ds with additional needs but I'd have been totally useless if I had to be at work, I was physically exhausted just walking to the shops (I had a large blood transfusion after complications so I fully expect that, physically at least, your recovery will be much quicker x) it all happened very suddenly for us and tbh dh was going through the motions but riding a wave of shock. He seemed fine for about a week and then came home from work in the middle of the day and just sobbed 
your dh is trying to deal with this in his own way. I found it drove something of a wedge between us if I'm honest as I do think I had an element of suffering badly from trauma immediately afterwards and I was the one who couldn't really talk about it. We've still lot really talked about it in any meaningful way. So my advice would be to try and talk if you're at all able to. I wish I'd been able to. The early days and weeks afterwards I just felt so delicate and I hated it. Be kind to yourself and do as much or as little as you feel you can. I tried to get on with things and do too much afterwards and actually I should have taken it easy for a few weeks at least.
I'm so sorry I was off work for months after a mmc at 13 weeks. I think you should stay off for as long as you feel you need
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