Crazy lady writes....

[SammyL100]

Feel as though I am going crazy. I had a mmc in late November. It was my first pregnancy and I am 39. It took me 3 months to concieve.

I have spoken to two friends (who have had kids), both of whom have advised me to go for tests after my mc. It can't be done on the NHS so I would have to go private. Frankly I suffer from anxiety anyways and I fear more tests would increase this. I am scared as any test results IF they come out negative or unusual would just upset/stress me out further. I did ask nurses at the EPU to check for any uterune abnormailities, they said it looked fine. I have also had routine blood tests recently which showed Vit D deficiency. Friends have advised me to see a consultant privately. But part of me thinks just try again as mc is unfortunately very common at my age.

But then I think I should have tests see if I do have a problem now, rather than later, when I have wasted more time. And maybe explore other options such as IVF.

I really don't know what to do. My DP is struggling as I am constantly googling fertility info and becoming obsessive. Any wisdom, guidance or tips to remain sane would be appreciated .

[Thingymaboob]

Hi Sammy,
I had a mc in October. I'm 31. It took us 5 months to conceive and I know I have fertility issues as I have had PID twice. I am a very anxious person too. Been on anti depressants for majority of adult life. All I wanted to do after mc was get bloods and tests done. I was sure it was progesterone issue, then those killer cells people talk about. Argh. Mind was everywhere. I had dinner with my friend recently, she's a consultant obstetrician and she explained really clearly to me that it was very very unlikely that there was an underlying problem after just 1 mc. 1 mc doesn't mean anything. Even 2 is no cause for concern. The significant majority of the time it's just a problem with that egg and that sperm and or implantation and the building blocks of life just being a little incomplete. Even if a sperm and egg meet and implant, so much else has to be right too.
You got pregnant really quickly, just keep trying and see what happens next time.
If you've got tonnes of money then you can have some tests done but probably best to just let things be and see what happens next.
Good luck.

[SammyL100]

Thanks Thingy. Your friend sounds like she'll know a thing or two!

I am having AF after my mmc and wondering whether it was hormones going crazy too! Am seeking to educate myself but wary of fertility clinics as I know many must surely be looking to sell their services.

[KittyandTeal]

I'm really sorry for your loss. It is tough, especially when you have anxiety issues, to carry on ttc again.

I've had 2 losses, our dd2 had T18 and we opted for a tfmr at 22 weeks, we lost or ds at 14 weeks for unknown reasons. We're done ttc now (very lucky to have dd1 who was conceived fairly quickly and an unremarkable pregnancy)

Our fetal medicine consultant told us that very often they cannot find reasons for loss, that many are just unlucky. Often early mc are the result of chromosomal issues, much more serious that the major trisomies you see being diagnosed post 12 weeks. There is no reason for chromosomal issues, just simple bad luck.

I'd say if testing is going to make you more anxious then don't do it. The reason the NHS won't investigate after one loss is that often it is just chance or bad luck. Not that that makes you feel any better but medically it's true.

💐 Best of luck with your decision.

[SammyL100]

Thanks Kitty.

I am suffering from information overload at the moment as I have been talking to even more friends. One of my single friends went through IVF at 40 with donor sperm and had twins and another friend ttc for years after an ectopic and had 2 failed cycles. One was naturally very positive about IVF, the other understandably less so.

Then I think why am I researching IVF, I am not classed as infertile or single (so needing a donor)! I don't know whether AMH or FSH testing would help as I would know my fertility or send me spiralling into despair.

[KittyandTeal]

Tbh 3 months to conceive is really quick. It look 6 months with dd1 at 29yo, around 5 with dd2 at 32yo and another 6 with ds at 34yo. And that's considered pretty lucky/easy conception times.

I know there is lots of talk about age and mc etc and tonnes of stats but every single person is different. Vitamin D deficiency is fairly common in the U.K., especially during winter.

Any ivf clinic would be taking money from you for not a good reason in my opinion. It is frustrating I know but I think it's worth giving another go on your own before looking into consultants and investigations and treatments that can be very invasive. My last pregnancy was very medicalised after dd2s trisomy, we had lots of tests and scans and while it was often comforting to know it also added to the stress and anxiety. Even 14 weeks was tough, I was having counselling throughout as well. If you can avoid medicalising things too much I would (and I say this as someone who holds medical professionals and their opinions/suggestions in high regard)

[SammyL100]

That is my concern with clinics. How can you get independent, fair, medical advice from someone who stands to financially benefit by thousands from your decision? You are essentially speaking to a Sales person, that's my worry.

Think I need to give Nature another chance, got me successfully up the duff last time (something IVF can't guarantee).

Thanks for the words of advice! Do help my sanity!