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I feel so guilty

(5 Posts)
sjohnson1131 Thu 29-Dec-16 18:52:22

I had a miscarriage on the 26th. It's my first one, but second pregnancy (I have a son). I was pretty sure I was pregnant but hadn't worked up the bravery to test yet. I wasn't ready for another baby yet, my son is only 14 months. I didn't want to be pregnant, but I was already accepting that I was most likely going to have a baby, and I was kind of getting excited. My husband was going to pick up a test for me on the way home that day.

But then it happened, and I saw it. And now I feel like I wished it away. It knew it wasn't wanted and so it left. Realistically I know that isn't how it works, but still. I feel so guilty. And I know I'm still not ready for another child, but...I want it back. I feel bad that it didn't hurt more and I didn't bleed more, that it was so 'easy' physically. I feel like since my baby suffered, I should, too...that something more should mark the occasion.

Has anyone here dealt with a miscarriage after not completely wanting another baby? or after a physically 'easy' miscarriage? How do you get over the guilt?

Rac23 Thu 29-Dec-16 21:18:52

Prior to doing my test I told a friend that is I got pregnant again It would be a nightmare. I soon changed my mind but nevertheless. I feel guilty cause I wasnt trying I hadnt taken vitamins leading up to it and worse case I has been in really hot saunas at week 4 before I knew so might have damaged cells. And last week I was so busy I really over did it I was exhausted and now my baby is gone. Guilts horrendous. Your lovely baby didn't know how you felt (my bf is currently feeling like you too) be nice to yourself you are a good mama thinking of your existing lo x

purpleporpoise Thu 29-Dec-16 21:23:12

The survival of an embryo has nothing to do with whether it is or isn't wanted. You did nothing wrong. The first 5-6 weeks it develops independent of you as the placenta isn't developed. It doesn't matter what you do in those first few weeks
Big hugs....miscarriage is horrible flowers

mirokarikovo Fri 30-Dec-16 09:16:29

You did nothing wrong. If being shocked/feeling negative about a pregnancy could bring on a miscarriage then there wouldn't be the abortion numbers that there are. You did not cause this. Your thoughts had absolutely zero effect on what happened in your womb.

Conception is a dice roll. All your chromosomes and those of your partner combine together in a unique never-before-seen pattern. Some patterns are not viable and don't survive more than a few days. Sometimes there's nothing wrong with the pattern but the implantation dice-roll doesn't go through. And sometimes everything goes fine. It can still all go right next time.

Scaffleen Fri 30-Dec-16 09:32:42

Sending big hugs flowers
I don't think you ever get over it. I got pregnant at the start of this year with the mirena coil still in situ. It was a massive shock. But then with the hormones and everything I started to really want the baby. I already have a 4 year old boy and we decided our family was complete hence the coil! Then 2 weeks later I miscarried. I was devastated. It does get better once the hormones are out of your system. But I've still got the guilt. I feel so guilty that I'm not giving my son a sibling. But I'm not sure I can go through it all again. They way I get through is thinking I would also feel guilty if we did have another baby. I would have less time and money for DS. Basically you're always going to feel guilty no matter what you do. But it does get easier.

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