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Ashes

(2 Posts)
monkeytree Wed 21-Dec-16 11:17:15

There's something I'm not facing up to. I lost my ds at 20 weeks nearly two years ago. I think the funeral home still has his ashes. I read a letter my dh received notifying him about the collection of ashes. DH didn't tell me; I don't think he wanted to cause me further distress.
The thing is I had visions of having my ds's ashes buried along with me. But I struggle with the thought of having his ashes here in the house. I don't know it is unbearable as it is but I think of always having that reminder here will just be so difficult (obviously I don't forget; I think about him every day). I would like a woodland type cremation/burial for myself I think; unfortunately there isn't one near us probably forty or so miles away and who knows we might move. It's just so hard and I'm having a real problem facing up to it. I have received counselling and take mild ads I guess I just kept putting this bit off. Any advice? Anyone been in the same predicament. I would hate the funeral home to scatter the ashes without my consent.

emsler Wed 21-Dec-16 16:02:41

Is there a trusted friend or family member who would look after them for you while you decide?

There are lots of things that you can do with ashes, including having jewellery made. Perhaps you could consider something like that which you can always keep with you. I think I would find that comforting but, like you, wouldn't want to have the ashes in an urn or anything in the house. Sorry if that's not an appropriate suggestion for you but it's something I considered after my miscarriage.

Lots of love to you and I hope you find comfort in whatever you decide.

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