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Am I the only one? Awaiting miscarriage :(

(54 Posts)
user1481800358 Sun 18-Dec-16 18:20:37

Please can someone help or advice me? I feel so confused and devastated.

I began having a brown discharge in my 5th week of pregnancy - off/on (mainly when I went to the loo and wiped). I also had lower back ache. I went for an early scan (5w 3d) and the nurse said I had an irregular shaped gestational sac that should be a perfect circle but was more oval. She said it was extremely likely I would miscarry and to attend a scan on 23rd. Has anyone had this before? I cant see this on any thread and wanted to know if anyone had/is going through this?

I am still spotting (very minimal) and backache isnt as bad but I just feel I know, deep down.

Please dont read and run. Thank you so much and I wish you all lots of love and best wishes xxxx

blackheartedone Sun 18-Dec-16 18:23:40

Hello,
I didn't want to not reply. I've not heard of the sac being an oval being a problem before so can't advise you on that but I understand how you feel.

I'm measuring small - three weeks behind- and it seems like the same is going to happen to me. I'm waiting for a scan to confirm as well and the wait is the worst so I'm so sorry you are dealing with this too.
I've been trying to have hope but I think in my situation have to accept the outcome will not r positive. I will keep everything crossed that yours is xxxx

UnbornMortificado Sun 18-Dec-16 18:27:05

Yeah 5 weeks positive test started bleeding this morning. Unfortunately it's my fourth and previous losses have been 24 and 20 weeks so just going to self manage at home.

I'm sorry your going through it flowers

PenguinsandPebbles Sun 18-Dec-16 18:27:55

I can't add any advise on what this means for you, I'm afraid but I do know what it is like to be in your position.

All you can do, and I know that it is utter hell, but all you can do is wait and be very kind to yourself until your scan on the 23rd.

Laying on your left hand side will help ease pain, no idea why this helps but it does and if it does become very painful go and see your doctor and ask them to prescribe codeine. If, your baby is ok then this will not harm them but having to deal with physical pain will make it worse for you.

I'm so sorry your going through this, it is a lonely place to be as hardly anyone talks about it, but it happens to many more people that you realise.

If it is a miscarriage you will get through it. It's not easy but you will get through it flowers

Take care of yourself flowers be kind to yourself and lean on people in RL.

OldBooks Sun 18-Dec-16 18:30:44

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this flowers

I am not familiar with the specific problem you describe but the feeling of waiting for the miscarriage to start I know only too well. I don't think there is much you can do other than be kind to yourself and give yourself lots of time and space to feel whatever you need to feel

Hulaballoo Sun 18-Dec-16 19:08:21

I'm waiting to miscarry atm too 😟 went for an early private scan as my symptoms were going. I had a gut instinct something wasn't right. Baby measured 6 weeks instead of 9 with a very slow heartbeat... I've a scan with epu tomorrow... But justb thinking now that sometime this weekend the heart will have stopped. No pains, nothing. Just waiting, almost want it all done by Christmas so it's just a clean slate and to get the physical pain away, emotionally it won't go. I had a chemical pregnancy, at 4+4 6 years ago and even though I only knew for a few days, there's an immediate bond, a hope for the future. I think a tree is a beautiful idea.

user1481800358 Sun 18-Dec-16 19:46:59

Thank you for your responses and I am so sorry that you have all been through it or are currently now. It would have been our 1st so naively never imagined this - a week of happiness gone very quickly.

Can I ask what your plans will be over Christmas and ways in which you are coping? Physically, I just want it over but emotionally, it will never go. Hullaballoo, a tree is a lovely idea.

Love to you all xxxxxx

user1481800358 Sun 18-Dec-16 19:50:21

Blackheartedone - I really have my fingers crossed for you too and will be thinking of you. UnbornMortificado - I am sorry you are going through all this pain again and sending lots of hugs and love your way too flowers xxxx

UnbornMortificado Sun 18-Dec-16 20:05:19

Thanks user. I have two living DD's so I'm aware how "lucky" I am already.

I've just dobbed about as usual hoping everything passes tonight and I can avoid the doctors. Sod's law there isn't a bloody painkiller in the house.

Are you ok? Hope you've got some support and someone in the house to look after you.

blackheartedone Sun 18-Dec-16 23:35:58

Thank you, so kind smile I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact it will be bad news I think, despite frantic googling for similar stories that had a successful outcome but I know that's just torturing myself.

I will keep everything crossed for you that your story is a happy one, let us know how you get on. xx

user1481800358 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:44:15

UnbornMortificado how were you last night? was everything ok? I'm so glad you have 2 beautiful ones to keep you busy but I don't doubt it isn't still heartbreaking, hopefully they can keep you busy and mentally distracted. My OH has been great but I feel he is coping better because he is not having the physical side to it. I hope that doesn't sound selfish but I think you can keep yourself distracted and busy emotionally but when you get that cramp or go to the loo - well, it's a quick reminder..

I know exactly what you mean blackheartedone. I keep doing the same, thinking maybe I am that tiny percentage which is ok. I worry though because the useless nurse did say my sac may change shape but I am still having a little discharge everyday (since Weds) and for me, I feel that confirms it. It doesn't help when everyone around is announcing pregnancies too! How are you today? Are you at home and being taken care of? I was meant to go to work but not in the right frame of mind - feel a fraud though because of me not 'text book' miscarrying just yet xxx

user1481800358 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:58:17

Hulaballoo Thinking of you today xx How did it go? xx

UnbornMortificado Mon 19-Dec-16 11:58:53

I'm fine pretty sure everything's passed. I put myself at 5weeks and had quite a bit pain (although bearable)

If your still just losing a bit discharge il cross my fingers for you. Obviously I don't want to give you false hope but I've heard plenty stories of bleeding and successful story's on here.

I packed my older one off to my mams so she didn't realise anything was going on. My youngest is a little sod spirited at the minute so I'm sure she'll keep me busy.

whyistherumgone Mon 19-Dec-16 16:16:12

I am in a similar uncertain position so know how you feel, just wanted to send hugs and positive thoughts X

Hulaballoo Tue 20-Dec-16 09:00:49

Thanks user , it went ok, scan confirmed baby stopped growing, but couldn't find thev heartbeat because my bladder was so full, I was expecting an external scan so drank lots but they did an internal 😐 booked in for another scan to confirm next week and then to go into an erpc under general. So a little wait... but in a way it'll be done by the end of the year...

user1481800358 Tue 20-Dec-16 18:20:22

Hi Ladies, hope you are all looking after yourselves this eve? xx flowers

My back ache has pretty much gone but I am still getting the brown discharge...keep hoping it will go but it has been a week and I know deep down what that means sad. Dreading the scan on Friday..because it will will confirmation of it all and it will be internal and the Nurse was horrible last time (couldnt really speak English and had the worst interpersonal skills!). How are you all feeling about the future and trying again??

UnbornMortificado glad you are keeping yourself busy and near the end of the trama, how are you feeling today?

I am so sorry Hula, when is your next scan? Have you got a good support system around you?

Sorry to hear you are going through the same Rum...is it your first? How are you?

Xxxx

whyistherumgone Tue 20-Dec-16 18:29:20

hey, yes it is my first sad I'm very up and down at the moment, one minute I think I've made my peace with it and the next I have a mad glimmer of hope again. My scan is Friday too user what time is yours? I hope you have a different nurse that must have made it even harder and more confusing. I'm really hoping I get the same one again as she was lovely.

For me I'm feeling positive about trying again but am also going to give myself a good couple of months minimum to recover. DH has been amazing, really supportive and understanding of my violent mood swings and I know he will be by my side when it eventually kicks off.

I hate the waiting not knowing if it's going to start but I've got as prepared as I can be and we have told our folks now as we are staying with them over Christmas so felt we needed to and that actually made me feel better.

I really really really hope there is good news for you at your scan. But if it's bad, we will all be here to support you and chat and vent/whatever you need. I was really surprised at the lack of info that's given during this stage.

pinkywink Wed 21-Dec-16 03:36:53

Didn't like to read and run- but have been in similar situation twice before with 2 early losses, one at 5 weeks, one at 7 weeks. Horrible waiting game with the brown discharge but I found that was the worst part, as I was willing my body to hold on to the baby and felt like all was slipping out of my control. I did feel devastated and while losing the second thought I can't put myself through this again- the fear of a 3rd loss was so strong but once I had miscarried, maybe hormones took over and I couldn't help but want to try again! Almost like once I had completely miscarried this helped?
Now don't get me wrong, milestones like due date/watching friends and colleagues who would have been at a similar stage does make me think if only.....
But my silver lining came and
I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant and so far so good this time,

Everyone handles miscarrying/ threatened miscarriage differently, maybe your scan will be ok and this will progress but if it's not, you will be ok- just be kind to yourself. It's normal to want to grieve, or not (!)
Sending big hugs and support for getting through a hard week x

Cinnamon84 Wed 21-Dec-16 04:53:08

Hi user- sorry you're going through this. The same thing happened to me in Jan 2015. I was around 6 weeks and started bleeding at work and went in for a scan where they saw the sac measured small. When I went back for a follow up it had started to reduce in size and I think was more of an oval shape.

Don't go to work if you're feeling crap- this is a huge thing to go through. If it turns out you are miscarrying then take it easy and be kind to yourself. I waited for a natural miscarriage and was off work for 2 weeks.

Just so you know, miscarriage is very common. My miscarriage happened after ttc for 1 month and the whole pregnancy was over within weeks. We decided to wait a bit before trying again to focus on work, buying a house etc and now have a 4 month old.

I hope you're ok. Mumsnet is great for advice and support xx

emsler Wed 21-Dec-16 10:56:52

Hi user, so sorry to hear you're going through this. I had a MMC at 11.5 weeks but we knew from 6 weeks that things weren't going well and that we were really just waiting for the heartbeat to stop. The limbo of waiting was so, so much worse than the grieving afterwards - at least afterwards it was definite and I could start the process of moving on. But those 5.5 weeks were the longest of my life. Will be thinking of you.

whyistherumgone Wed 21-Dec-16 14:58:38

that sounds awful emsler so sorry you had to go through that.

How are you today user? Friday can't come quick enough for me, I just want to be able to get on with things now

user1481800358 Wed 21-Dec-16 15:32:35

Hi my lovelies,

Today has been pretty naff...I have had a hard day emotionally so I imagine we are both feeling the same Rum. Are you ok? Hope you are keeping yourself busy and distracted? My appointment is 9:40, when is yours sweets? I will be thinking of you too..xx two days before christmas...stinker timing (even though no time is welcome for this).

Thank you for your kind words and sharing your experiences Pinky and Cinammon. It is nice to see you are both in happy places now and it has really helped. I have told my OH that I want to wait until March before trying again...he doesnt mind but I feel too scared and not ready.

I cant get over how many women go through this but how it is not discussed? I just hear "Well it happens"...just like the flu!. You are all so amazing and having you on here has really gotten me through this week, thank you.

I am so sorry Emsler that you went through that for so long. May I ask, was that recent and how do you feel about it all now? I cant believe it went on for so long but you just 'knew' anyway...instinct really does speak volumes. Sending hugs xx

UnbornMortificado Wed 21-Dec-16 15:42:14

I'm ok thanks user. I think it must be a lot harder when you haven't got DC or when it's your first.

It's probably been trotted out but mc before 12 weeks are usually a chromosomal problem with the baby. Nothing you've done.

I'll still keep everything crossed for you Friday but if the worst happens il be joining you march as we are going to have a break aswell.

I'm sorry anyone else going though or gone through this flowers

HumpHumpWhale Wed 21-Dec-16 15:42:46

Hi. I have also had two miscarriages, first at 8 weeks, the second at 6 weeks. With the first I didn't even take any painkillers because I was hoping that maybe it wasn't really a miscarriage - even after I saw the sac. Awful. It was utterly miserable BUT I now have two amazing kids, 3 yo DS and 6 mo DD. It's SO common but as you say not discussed much - until you have one, and then you'll be amazed how many people you know have had the same thing. Hugs to everyone on the thread, & good luck!

emsler Wed 21-Dec-16 15:54:38

Hi user, so sorry to hear you've had a hard day and still no resolution. It was honestly the worst time of my whole life and I really, really feel for you. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Waiting a week between scans, knowing that the next one could be the one where the heartbeat had stopped, having hope that it would magically have grown to where it needed to be but also knowing that if it hadn't grown and the heartbeat was still going we had another week of agony to go through - auch, it was just awful. And all the time I knew inside that something wasn't right but our families were SO positive - it was unbearable, really.

We found out the baby's heartbeat had stopped on 5 October and I then had an ERPC on 17th October (there's a long waiting list here in NI because there aren't many surgeons who perform the procedure). So it's only about 2 months ago, really. Honestly, it sounds weird but in a way, because it had been so agonising, it was almost a relief when we found out. The baby's heartbeat stopping and the surgery was nowhere near as traumatic for me as that period of waiting. Although the day we found out I was in real shock and told my husband I didn't want to try again AT ALL - I changed my mind quite quickly though, it really was just the shock and trauma.

Now I feel... mostly okayish. We've been trying again for about six weeks, just going into my 3rd cycle now. I think I'll find it hard if we don't conceive within the next few cycles but for now I'm quite calm about it all. It was made slightly harder as both of my closest friends are pregnant - one is due the same day I was, and the other found out the week after I had the ERPC, so that has been a bit tough. But in a way it was good as I've had to just get over being upset by pregnancy announcements etc - exposure therapy!

It sounds silly but I really feel that the baby - who we gave a nickname - is still out there waiting for me and will come back to us at the right time. For us that's been a real comfort, feeling that we lost a pregnancy rather than a baby. But obviously that wouldn't work for everyone. I also found that talking about it really helped so I've spent lots of time on here - having a sympathetic ear is amazing, and being able to help other women going through similar things has been the biggest healer for me.

Sending you lots of love - you can get through this, I promise.

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