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Don't know how I'm supposed to feel -pregnant after mmc

(4 Posts)
Helbelle75 Sun 20-Nov-16 15:00:35

I had a mmc in may of this year. It devastated me. I'm 41 and have wanted children for so long.
I was lucky enough to conceive again 2 months later and am now 20 weeks into this pregnancy and so far everything looks fine. We are over the moon, so very happy and emotionally I've been on a very even keel, trying to keep everything steady for baby.
However, I am hugely down and emotional at the moment as our first baby's due date is approaching. I really don't know how I should be feeling. I'm still grieving I think, but that is masked by the euphoria of expecting this little one.
Anyone been through the same? Any tips?

Hoppinggreen Sun 20-Nov-16 15:11:38

I'm sorry for your loss.
I had a mmc at 12 weeks and had to have surgical removal.
I then got pg 1 week later totally by accident ( didn't occur to me I could conceive) so my periods hadn't come back and I was in effect pg for a year!!!
To be honest I found it mentally very very hard as I felt that I hadn't properly mourned, plus everyone seemed to think that as I was pg again everything was OK and I was completely over losing my baby
I was also frightened to love my baby and wasn't looking forward to her in case I lost her too. I had a tricky birth and with hindsight PND, I really didn't bond with my daughter until she was around 1. I managed to convince the world I was ok and to this day nobody has any idea of what was ( and to a certain extent still is) going on inside.
My DD is 11 now and I love her to bits, I also have a 7 year old DS who I bonded with instantly, which gave me even more guilt.
I still remember my lost baby on the day I lost him and on his birthday. At Xmas I have a candle lit for him at a local children's hospice and there is a tree planted for him in a local national park too.
I'm sorry I can't be more positive - it WAS Very very hard but I got through it and have 2 amazing DC now who I love to bits.
There is no statute of limitations on grief, you can still mourn, even if you are pg again.
Best of luck for the future for you and your baby x

Heratnumber7 Sun 20-Nov-16 15:13:56

I miscarried 20 years ago, and still occasionally think about the baby I lost.
I don't think it ever goes away, but it will get easier. xx

Helbelle75 Tue 22-Nov-16 19:42:20

Thank you both. So sorry for your losses. I feel a little better today, but we won'the ever forget our little bean.

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