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My experience of Medically Managed Miscarriage (no details spared)

(6 Posts)
fullofbeans2016 Mon 07-Nov-16 13:14:12

The heartache of miscarriage

I wanted to share my story as I couldn't have got through it without reading everyone else's experiences.

I fell pregnant after a year of trying and was absolutely ecstatic. Finally, my husband and I were starting our own little family. The first 4 weeks were filled with excitement but also anxiety andfear of loss. Most of allI washad this overwhelming feeling of completeness thatI had never experienced before. I was extremely tired for the first6 weeks but very lucky not to suffer with much nausea. My boobs had grown and were sore and I felt bloated but I was so thankful for my expanding waistline.

Throughout the next4 weeks I managed to calm down a little, the anxiety war off and the excitement grew. My tiredness subsided butI was still sore and bloated. What happened next is something I could have never ever prepared myself for.

We went for our 12 week scan onTuesday. We were incredibly nervous and my husband said to me "whatever happens, we're going to befine and we've got each other". Even at that moment I didn't expect the news we were about to be given.

I lay down in the dark ultrasound room, and was greeted by a rather serious woman who didn't exactly make me feel very relaxed. My husband held my hand as she put the gel on my extremely full bladder. She moved around my belly for about 30 seconds as she asked questions, "Are you sure about your dates" "Have you had any issues with PCOS". I was 100% certain about my dates due to temping and I had no other problems. It was then that fear set into me, a sick feeling that I will never forget. The baby, in sac, appeared on the monitor. It was tiny, still,lifeless.

"It's bad news I'm afraid, this happens sometimes" I felt like I was in a nightmare. The haunting moment finding out that our baby, that once had a little heartbeat, didn't make it past 8 weeks. I was in shock, complete and utter disbelief. My husband kissed me on the head and squeezed my hand. I was so thankfulfor him being there.
"Do you haveany questions?" She asked. I couldn't think straight. Yes, I'm sure eventually I would have questions but at the time I wasspeechless.My bodywas going through a Missed Miscarriage and wasn't letting go of the baby.
The sonographertold me that it was common andthat the Early Pregnancy unit would call me later that day to discuss my options.

We were given a leaflet with threeoptions. We could have gone home and waited, but was warned this could take up to 4 weeks as it had already been 4 weeks since the baby died. My 2nd was medically managed where I would take tablets at homeinternally and orally which would causethe miscarriage to happen.Thirdly, I could havea small operation to remove everything.

Wedrove home. That was the longest journey I have ever had. Not once hadI seen my husband cry but as soon as we gotback he just burst into tears. I was relieved he was letting it out and not trying to be strong for me but I found it absolutely heart breaking.

Later that day theEPU called to go through my options againand arrange for bloodwork. I went in the next day and we decided on medically managed miscarriage.Reading the paperwork I thought this could be done at home so was rather disappointed to be informed thatit would have to be in hospital; probablyan overnight stay. This was due to the fact that despite the baby dying at 8 weeks, the sac had continued to grow, hence my symptoms still being prominent.They couldn't book me in that day or the next so I had to go home and wait.

I could not keep still at home. I tidied, I cleaned, I washed. I did not want to be still. That nightwe could not sleep. I went over every option I was offered again and again. I even changed my mind to every single option. We slept for a couple of hours but decided on keeping the MMC

Friday came and I cried all morning, hysterically. We got to thehospital and I was still crying. I was so scared. I had no idea how my body was going to respond. At first we were taken into a private room with no private toilet. This made me incredibly anxiousas I had been told I wouldn't have to share a bathroom.

At 11.45 A.Ma cannula was inserted into my arm incase I needed certain pain relief.I was told I had blood waiting in case I needed a blood transfusion.4 tablets were put inside me, vaginally. I then had to wait. I had read that it could take anywhere between 2-6 hours. I was told that everything I pass had to be taken to examine so there would be cardboard bedpans in the toilet. It got to 1.45 P.Mand nothing was happening apart from the most mild cramping sensation. A nurse then came and moved me into aroom with a private toilet. I felt much better at this point as the thought of rushing down a corridor with blood rushing from me filled me with fear.

At 2.45 I was given 2 tablets to take orally. The cramping started to increase slightly but It was not overly painful. From here on, it all gets a little blurry.

Sometime after thesecond lot of tablets severe pain kicked in. Pain I have never experienced. Like others say, I can imagine it being like labour contractions. I was sweating. I couldn't get comfortable, I squeezed my husbands hand in agony and it went on for about 45 minutes. Looking back,why the hell I didn't ask for pain relief sooner I don't know. My head wasn't thinking straight. I couldn't evenexplainthe pain to my husband. I just closed my eyes and attempted to breathe deeply. I felt so scared. The pain subsided for about 30 seconds. Enough for me to ask for pain relief.

I was givenliquid morphine to take orally as I cant tolerate codeine. About 10 minutes later the cramping eased down and I could open my eyes and focus a little. I felt exhausted and fell asleep for about 10 minutes. I woke up and felt slightly better and sat up. Suddenly,WHOOOSH, mywaters must have broken. I rushed tothe toilet andwhat felt like the whole of my insides fell out. I saw what I presume would have been the amniotic fluid, sac and baby. It didn't fill me with upset, I felta relief. I thought the worst was over and the tissue that was there was what they were looking for. The nurses collected it after I rangor them and came back to tell me everything was fine and was starting to work. I was confused, naive I guess, but they don't exactly tell you what to expect. Everyone is different I guess and everyone's body responds in a different way.

The mild cramping continued and at 5.45 I was give more tablets orally. The cramps continued for about an hour but they weren't as bad this time. I suddenly felt another heaviness below and rushed to the toilet again and the most awful looking clot was coming out of me. I sat there and pushed as it was stuck and I had to just sit and push for about a couple of minutes as this huge clump of thick,heavy blood came out. I didn't want to touch it but it would have probably come out quicker if I had. Now, I realise why the first emptying wasn't what they were looking for.It was about the size of my fist - it must have been the placenta. The next few hours were much morebearable, especially after being told that It looked to be successful and that I should just experience bleeding from now on. At about 8pm the doctor asked how I would feel about going home. This was the news I had been waiting for. I didn't want to have to stay overnight in the hospital with poor hubby sleeping on in the chair.

Now, I don't know if my body started to relax but suddenly, the most excruciating pain started. This time worse than the cramping. I couldn't speak. I was sweating and convulsing. I felt like I was going to pass out, It was unbearable. Iwas brought more morphine. 10 minutes later, the pain had subsided. The doctors weren't sure what this what but I had to stay in overnight due to my 2nd dose of morphine. I slept, but had to go to the toilet many times through the night as I would feel a gush and then bleed. They let me go by 10 A.M the next day and I was so thankful for the care they had provided.

Three dayslaterand I am still bleeding, but it's just like a period.

I have cried on and off since. I have had no appetite. I have a massive fear about leaving the house and if I don't keep busy I breakdown.
I am allowing myself to cry though and let go, and I am so gratefulfor my husband taking the week off work and beingby my side. I'm letting the tears flows and despitefeeling awful I know it is healing.

If anyone is considering a medically managed miscarriage I would encourage you to get pain relief as soon as you feelthe cramps getting worse as you wont be thinking straight afterwards. That was the worst part for me. The passing of the blood and tissue of course Is unpleasant butonce you haveacceptedthe pregnancy isn't viable you most likely will want everything out. Make sure you get Maxi pads and put one in as soon as you have been give the first set of tablets.

Sorry aboutall the details. I have taken the timeto writethisfor both me (I have cried throughout)but forallof you about to or going througha similar process.

I hope one day to fall pregnant again, but have no idea how I'll be able to relax into it as fear will always be in my mind now.

My heart goes out to you all it really does xxx

ChocolateForAll Mon 07-Nov-16 13:34:17

I am so, so very sorry for your loss and I hope that writing this has been cathartic for you, OP flowersflowersflowers

DT2016 Mon 07-Nov-16 17:37:59

So sorry for your loss flowers I hope you heal well physically and emotionally. It's the hardest thing in the world to go through sad

lilyborderterrier Sun 27-Nov-16 20:06:56

So very sorry for your loss and you are a lovely person for sharing such a personal experience. I hope you abc your husband are doing ok x x

Cheshire85 Thu 05-Jan-17 21:52:46

I discovered we miscarried our first child yesterday. It's devastating and I'm so sorry for your loss. After sleeping on it I have decided to have the medically assisted and go in 2 days time. I coulfnt wait to pass naturally. Can I ask, how long by it took for your cycle to return? To have a period after your medically managed? Thankyou for sharing your story- know it has given me a great sense in ease and understanding what to expect. These are seemingly unfair and grief stricken times, but I believe they will get better. I hope you are ok xx

appleseedpip Thu 05-Jan-17 22:39:13

OP, I'm so sorry for your loss.. I hope you and your husband are mending. I too wonder how I'll cope with the next pregnancy.. Sharing your story will definitely help someone in the future as I have done with many old stories and posts from the past <3 Fingers crossed for all of us for 2017 babies flowers

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