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(5 Posts)
MumEmmaL Sun 30-Oct-16 01:08:26

My best friend is having a stillborn baby. She has been trying for 8 years. She has had numerous ivf treatments and I have lost count of her numerous miscarriages. I want to support her and I was wondering if anyone had any good advice? I just feel awful and useless. This was her last chance and now it's gone. Any help is much appreciated x

UnicornPee Sun 30-Oct-16 10:36:27

I am very sorry for your friend.
I know someone who had the same thing happen. They tried for 10 years, loads of ivf and debt. Finally got pregnant and the baby was stillborn at 41 weeks. Heart breaking.
It was hard to know what to say other than to be so sorry and there for them. And not to say anything like "I'm sure you will have another soon" or anything similar. Just "how can I help you" etc.

Thankfully a year later they conceived and now have a 6 year old.

Alb1 Sun 30-Oct-16 10:49:25

I can't offer much help, my baby was only stillborn 6 months ago so I don't feel in a position to offer much advice yet. But asides from the obvious horror of the situation, something that has been really difficult is other people's reactions to it, people don't no what to say so they say nothing at all, some of my closest friends just pretend it hasn't happened and there are plenty of people who avoid me rather than risk saying the wrong thing, it's like I'm a social leper. So don't pretend her baby didn't exist, your friend is still having a beautiful baby and is still a mum, so try and remember the important dates and don't be afraid to ask about or talk about the baby if it makes your friend feel comfortable. Maybe try and encourage her to go to a sands group at some point, I didn't think it would be for me but it's a real life line and they do events to remember our babies. There's not much you can do to make anything better but be patient and don't dissapear. Il be thinking of your friend flowers

Alb1 Sun 30-Oct-16 10:52:11

Cross post but I second that, don't try and say encouraging things about the future about adoption or trying again, I have a DS and people love telling me that at least I already have one or at least there's still options, unless any one of those options can bring back the dead they are not helpful

MumEmmaL Mon 31-Oct-16 21:57:28

I am so sorry you also had a stillborn. Thanks for your advice and kind words. Take care, all the very best to you and your family 🌸

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