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Unable to cope with Misscarriage

(14 Posts)
Carmen1001 Fri 14-Oct-16 18:27:23

Hi everyone.

I suffered a missed miscarriage 6 weeks ago and I honestly feel like this is the worst period of my life. It's almost like I don't know who I am anymore.

The misscarriage was complicated and I ended up in hospital for 2 days for intense pain and help to pass the baby.

This was an unplanned pregnancy although DH and I were overjoyed after we found out. I already have one child from a previous relationship and DH cares for her as if she was his own.

After everything that has happened, I feel like the only thing that could get me through this would be TTC. I love DD with all my heart but I feel as if I had cleared space for another and now I feel so empty. DH wants to wait a while before we try - it's beginning to make me resent him (I know this is ridiculous!!!) but it is how I feel.

Has anyone any similar experiences? I'm just looking to vent really, sorry for rambling!

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Fri 14-Oct-16 18:32:46

First of all I am so sorry for your loss flowers

I had a mmc in 2014 I genuinely didn't know how to process it and I completely understand the empty feeling, I think that was the hardest part to deal with. It's still very early days so please be kind to yourself and your DH x

Mishaps Fri 14-Oct-16 18:44:09

Please don't resent him - he is getting over seeing you in pain and distress and needs a bit of time before he can contemplate this again.

Carmen1001 Fri 14-Oct-16 18:50:02

I know, I think this is one of the hardest things he has had to go through. My feelings just don't seem to understand this. I wish there was a way I could reason with myself or make myself understand! X

Endmoor1405 Fri 14-Oct-16 20:58:24

My situation isn't quite the same but I feel I can sympathise with you on the OH resentment thing. We miscarried our first 3 months ago and now we have both agreed to wait until after our wedding in July to try again. But the absolute certainty of no pregnancy between now and then makes me resent him every now and then and pretty much hate human beings in general. I'm told this is normal but it's still hard even though I know I'm being daft. I think we just have to remember that they haven't said never! And that they are grieving and hurt just like we are, it was their baby and their future too. It doesn't make it any easier, but at least I feel less alone if I try and put that in my head.

So sorry for your loss flowers I hope it all works out for us all in the end smile

Carmen1001 Sat 15-Oct-16 11:13:33

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss too. I completely understand where you're coming from.

Good luck for your wedding flowers

fuzzywuzzy Sat 15-Oct-16 11:21:08

Carmen I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a MMC in May and I also had complications which made the whole thing drag on, it caused me to feel unable to move on from the loss.

Afterwards my DP was much like yours I think he was very upset to have seen me so unwell and we had both been so so so happy about the pregnancy.

I did initially want to go straight back into ttc, but things didn't work out. Looking back I'm glad I needed to physically and mentally recover from the miscarriage.

Talk to your DP it's his loss too, at one point I told DP he was making me so angry by refusing to ttc. We talked about it and then I gave DP space. We also went on holiday together to just get away from everything and started ttc again.

I'm sorry for your loss I totally understand where you're coming from, please do speak to your DP and if maybe your GP? I was offered grief counselling thro work I'm not sure if your GP could refer you for something like that?

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar Sat 15-Oct-16 11:34:00

I'm sorry for your loss flowers. I keep telling myself, it will get easier. It is important to sit down and speak with your DH. Don't shut him out and let the resentment eat you up. If you do, it could ruin your relationship. Your DH is hurting too. It takes time to grieve. I felt so angry at everyone and everything, when I had my miscarriage. The Hospital recommended specialised counselling, if I needed it. I'm not there yet. sad I hope you find peace. Be kind to yourself.

GailLondon Sat 15-Oct-16 11:34:56

Hi carmen, so sorry to hear your story.
I had a mmc at 12 weeks in 2014, like you one that didn't go smoothly and was in hospital with severe blood loss.
Honestly for me it did really help to get straight back into ttc, gave me something positive and productive to focus on instead of dwelling on the sadness all the time. I know everyone feels differently though, so I'm sorry to hear your husband isn't on the same page.
Things worked out for me, I got pregnant after about 3 months, my son is 20 months old now and I finally feel healed emotionally.
I hope your husband can work through his grieving process until he feels happy to continue ttc again x

Carmen1001 Sat 15-Oct-16 12:06:27

Thank you all for your kind words and for sharing your stories. It is really helping me put things into perspective. DH and I went on a mini break to get away from things and I felt better than I had in weeks only to come crashing back down to earth. Both work and my GP have been helping massively. I dropped down to part time hours to try give myself more time to recover and my GP has advised me to go back in another fortnight to see her. If I'm not any better I do think councelling will be the next step for me. Hopefully this will help as I can't come to terms with not TTC (I feel it is my coping strategy) and it makes me feel terrible as our relationship is so strong and I would hate to change that.

It's such an awful thing to go through, I pray that it works out for us all in the end flowers

RoseAnnear Tue 18-Oct-16 00:36:22

I miscarried unplanned twins 4 weeks ago and typing on this forum is the only thing that's helped so far.

If one more person expects me to be 'better', or says 'happens for a reason' I'll implode. I have sobbed, screamed, zoned out, been manicbut do you know what...it's grief. We are allowed to mourn and be a little irrational sometimes. Don't beat yourself up!

2 weeks after I lost my babies my brother email me a picture of his 12 week scan (due end April, mine were due 8 April) Did I crumble and rage in private...you bet! It doesn't make me a bad person, I didn't wish him ill I was just grieving.

2 days after that my best friend told me she was pregnant...seriously universe!

We all have wobbles, rage, upset and resentment. It's all natural but please don't let it take over.

Take every day as it comes and go with small goals. Today mine was shower. Little steps.

I hope with all my heart you find a way through.

By the way I've literally posted 1000 times tonight because it's the first time I've said all this on paper and to people. It's helped so so much xx

RoseAnnear Tue 18-Oct-16 00:38:37

Also there have been times where I was been enraged with my partner. Apoplectic rage. Primal rage. But I consider losing him too. I may not like him all the time, but I love him and as long as I feel that I can rein it in a little.

Feel better soon x

Carmen1001 Thu 20-Oct-16 12:10:42

Hi Rose,

I can relate to everything you are saying and I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss. I ended up having an "episode" at the beginning of the week and everything came tumbling out. Surprisingly, it's helped us both and I feel even closer to him that I did previously.

I hope this pain lessens for us all soon. Best of luck x

user1476983585 Thu 20-Oct-16 18:34:43

Hi Carmen

I'm so sorry for your loss.I know excactly what you going through ,I have lost the baby 2 weeks ago at 13 weeks .And only found out during the scan that the baby died 2 weeks prior (at 9 weeks).No signs of miscarriage at all so I opted for surgery rather then tablets.
I haven't been myself since then, I stop seeing my friends and family ,I don't want to go out.At home I kinda put the brave face on but deep down I am all over the place ,I can't concentrate ,when I am alone I just suddenly burst in tears. I literally cry myself to sleep every night since it happened.
Everybody deals with miscarriage differently but I hope your pain heals with time.Wishing you all the best.

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